How to Avoid Arguments While Planning Your Wedding

Wedding planning is a stressful time, not just for the bride overseeing every little detail, but for the friends and family (and groom!) of the bride as well. There's already a lot of pressure to make it an elegant, lovely affair, from the food to the favors; you're happy yet nervous about taking a huge, forever step; and many people will demand more time than you have.

With tensions running high and patience wearing thin, it can be easy to lash out and start an argument--but you don't want to be a bridezilla, and you don't want the attendees of your wedding creating unpleasantness around your big day, either.

So, what's a busy bride to to do? Follow the below tips for a stress-free wedding and to avoid arguments while planning it.

No matter how well you may know someone (or they may know you), none of us are mind-readers. We may think we know what another person wants, and more likely we think we know what's best for the other person. This can lead to some intense arguments while planning a wedding. What kind of situations may arise, and how can a bride avoid them through communication?

A Pushy Mother or Mother-in-Law

A wedding is almost as exciting for a mother as it is for a bride--especially if the mother (or mother-in-law) has any wedding regrets of her own. Because the mother wants her daughter to be a happy bride, she may try to take over the planning, imposing her own opinions and wants on the festivities. The bride, angered by the interference, may either get into an argument with her mother or mother-in-law or withdraw and just give up. Either way, hurt feelings and a wedding that's less than satisfactory to all parties will result.

The solution? Take a deep breath and tell your mother you'd like to talk.

• Keep your tone neutral.
• Start with a positive: "I'm so glad you're helping me plan my wedding, and I value your input."
• Continue with your concern, but cast it in terms of how it makes you feel--not how the other person is driving you insane: "When you make decisions without consulting me, or insult my decisions, it makes me feel like I'm not getting to plan my own day, or like you feel I'm not doing a good job."
• Even if your mother gets defensive, don't rise to it with angry or impatient words--keep reiterating your appreciation.

If you have to, tell your mother it's best that she just sits back and enjoys your day, and you will take on the stress of planning.

An Irritable Bridesmaid

Even if your bridesmaid is your very best friend, and you share everything, a wedding can still drive a temporary wedge into your friendship. Maybe the bridesmaid is irritated by your choice of dress, is worried about the expense of attending your wedding, or maybe she was just too nice to say no to you.

Regardless of the reason, a grumpy bridesmaid can ruin a bride's happy mood. Sit down and get to the root of your bridesmaid's issue.

• Ask if she still wants to be in your wedding, and try to remain truly understanding if she doesn't--there's probably a good reason.
• Ask if there's anything you can do to make the experience more enjoyable for her.
• Ask if there's anything you've pushed her to do that she doesn't have time for or can't afford.

If the bridesmaid truly is a little black raincloud over your wedding, it may be time to pay her back for the dress and demote her to a spectator seat. That in itself can be upsetting, but remember that the day is about promising yourself to the man you love, and try to forget the rest of yoru worries.

Most of the stress in planning a wedding comes from the stress of trying to coordinate all of its details, from the table linens to the bouquet. It's hard to find exactly what you want, at the right price, and have it all come together perfectly.

If you can afford it and don't really care about every nitpicky detail, but just want a lovely wedding where you make the decisions without carrying them out, consider hiring a wedding planner. A wedding planner will have contacts within the industry, getting you the best prices and making sure everything goes smoothly on your day.

You can still pick the cake, and the flowers, and the DJ--but you'll have a professional in your corner to narrow down your choices and guide you through the process.

This tip is a bit extreme, but I speak from personal experience! The thought of planning a wedding and bringing two sets of family and friends together made me want to crawl under the bed. So, I eloped to Spain, and before I left a hired a priest, a wedding coordinator, and a photographer there. I showed up with my groom, we got married, and then we went sightseeing--we had the romance and solemnity of a ceremony, but without the stress of juggling a dozen different elements all while trying to please guests.

Eloping could mean a spur of the moment decision to go to Vegas, or it could entail letting your family and friends know you're getting married somewhere else on a certain date, and you'll send pictures. This will be upsetting to some, but the wedding day is about your future marriage--not pleasing others.

If you think your wedding day may be a day of emotional explosions and disaster, eloping is an excellent option.

The most important strategy in planning a wedding without getting into arguments is to keep your your patience. You will get annoyed and angry, you will get stressed-out and short-tempered--but remember that everyone involved loves you and wants the best for you, especially on your wedding day.

Treat your friends and family with respect in the process, and ask that they do the same for you if things start getting out of line. Communicate, and be firm with what you want and don't want. Hire a professional if the details become overwhelming, and if all else fails--elope!