How to Cope With Being Single

For many people, being single is not a hardship but there are some who find it a burden. For those who do find it difficult, there are many different coping methods. Before you learn to cope, you do need to determine why you are having a difficult time.

Do you....

• Know the difference between burying yourself in work and being busy at work?
• Know the difference between being immersed in you kids' lives or using them to hide behind?
• Know the difference of being selective or finding fault in every future date?

These are examples of making yourself unavailable. You are coping with being single by overcompensating, much like the class clown. These things are giving a clear message. You may be coping with being single by armouring yourself against any future pain.

I have a friend who has been married 4 times and another one who's been married 3. In fact, the older I get, the more friends I meet who have been married more than once. Although I don't doubt that at some point, they loved each of their spouses, I wondered how much their fear of being single motivated their multiple marriages. I have other friends who want to meet me and hang out but only if it is in a high-profile place where they are certain to meet singles. Some of the best evenings I've had with friends, have been the casual, no fuss ones. If I have to worry about how I look and who is looking at me each time I go out, I probably wouldn't go out too much. I no longer meet these friends, unless I want to go to a single's event. I feel that they devalue our friendship by consistently using it only as a means to meet other people.

"I have stepped off the relationship scene to come to terms with myself. I have spent most of my adult life being 'someone's girlfriend', and now I am happy being single."

• You are comfortable being alone with yourself.
• You are able to dine alone or go to a movie theater by yourself
• You join in activities for the sake of the activity vs. meeting someone.
• You don't use people or allow others to use you in order to meet others
• You don't do things that you really don't want to do, just so you can say you did something.
• Remember, being alone is not necessarily lonely, but....
• Being lonely does not mean you aren't coping.
• You know the difference between going out with someone because you are terrified of being alone or going out with someone because you enjoy their company.

One of the first steps in being able to cope, is acceptance. Until you are comfortable with being single, you probably won't cope as well. There are some that will be simply resigned to being single and can still cope but those who do not embrace it, will probably have a tough time. So, first, STOP thinking of "single" as synonomous with "loser" Whether you have a partner or not, does not determine your winningness.Though for many of us, our partners, oft known as our
"better halfs, do help us to be better people, that is not to say that we aren't good on our own. Television, advertisements, music videos, book and movies are always pushing the idea that everyone has to have the perfect mate. Of course, we don't feel complete without one, everywhere we turn, there are smiling, happy people. We are led to believe that their happiness is a direct reaction to their relationship status. We are made to feel that we aren't complete without being in a relationship.This is probably the highest hurdle in learning to cope. The next difficult hurdle is in recognizing that "coping" does not negate "wanting." There are many people who would love to be in a healthy relationship but haven't found "the one." They may continue to search while still coping. Here is a glimpse of my quest for "One Sweet Love"

"The talent for being happy is appreciating and liking what you have, instead of what you don't have."