On Friendships: How To Forgive

You have found yourself in a difficult situation. You really needed help of your friend. He was the only person in the world who could help you, and yet he ran out on you. He was too busy with his life, or simply didn't care, despite the fact how much you tried to explain to him your difficult situation.

You feel angry, disappointed or hurt. Do you forgive him, anyway? How to forgive a friend, when he has failed you?

Try not to react impulsively - don't say words that could hurt him - you can't take them back! The worst thing you can do in any situation is to attack. Additional pain and anger will not make you feel any better. If you're going to get mad at your friend, pour all of your anger and disappointment on paper - write a letter, in which you describe exactly how you feel. When you are finished - burn it, it will help release some of the negative energy.

Try to look at the unfortunate event from a perspective. Has your friend had other commitments at that time, maybe for his family, etc., which had to be fulfilled? Consider all of the possibilities before you make a judgment.

Take a deep breath and "hold your horses". Find a quiet place, where you will be able to breathe calmly and clear your mind. Reasonable decisions can be made only when you are calm!

Remember that a friendship takes two. Maybe you ask your friend for help way too often? Is your friendship a burden for him? Can you recall a situation, when, for a change, you supported him in trouble?

If your friendship was one-sided, and if you were the one who used it all the time for yourself, apologize and promise to somehow compensate your friend. Sometimes we just don't realize how much we expect from our close friends and family, we get used to using their help, and when they say "no", we feel betrayed.

Consider whether you want to maintain this friendship. Some people have a toxic effect on us. If you honestly believe that you can't repair the damage, and you feel your friend never was there for you, maybe it will be best to end the friendship.

No need for a dramatic breakup. Time will solve the case. Just leave it alone.

If you are upset just because your friend didn't put you on the pedestal, you may want to put your ego in your pocket, and think the whole situation through all over again. Everyone wants to feel loved and important, but you have to be realistic and understand that the world doesn't revolve around you!

Do your best to forgive and forget. It's easier to live without a grudge. Regardless of whether you decide to further this friendship, or to go separate ways, the best thing you can do is to try to be compassionate. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and if you give your friend a chance to calmly talk about everything, not only it will help you to forgive him, but also it may strengthen your friendship.

The best way to forgiveness is to take a long look at ourselves: we are all more or less selfish, and rarely manage to be such friends to others, as we would like others to be to us.

© 2013 Monis Mas. All rights reserved.