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On Friendships: How To Forgive

Updated on March 19, 2014
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Can You Forgive?

You have found yourself in a difficult situation. You really needed help of your friend. He was the only person in the world who could help you, and yet he ran out on you. He was too busy with his life, or simply didn't care, despite the fact how much you tried to explain to him your difficult situation.

You feel angry, disappointed or hurt. Do you forgive him, anyway? How to forgive a friend, when he has failed you?

Stay Calm...

Try not to react impulsively - don't say words that could hurt him - you can't take them back! The worst thing you can do in any situation is to attack. Additional pain and anger will not make you feel any better. If you're going to get mad at your friend, pour all of your anger and disappointment on paper - write a letter, in which you describe exactly how you feel. When you are finished - burn it, it will help release some of the negative energy.

Try not to judge...

Try to look at the unfortunate event from a perspective. Has your friend had other commitments at that time, maybe for his family, etc., which had to be fulfilled? Consider all of the possibilities before you make a judgment.

Take a deep breath!

Take a deep breath and "hold your horses". Find a quiet place, where you will be able to breathe calmly and clear your mind. Reasonable decisions can be made only when you are calm!

It Takes Two To Tango!

Remember that a friendship takes two. Maybe you ask your friend for help way too often? Is your friendship a burden for him? Can you recall a situation, when, for a change, you supported him in trouble?

If your friendship was one-sided, and if you were the one who used it all the time for yourself, apologize and promise to somehow compensate your friend. Sometimes we just don't realize how much we expect from our close friends and family, we get used to using their help, and when they say "no", we feel betrayed.

Do You Value This Friendship?

Consider whether you want to maintain this friendship. Some people have a toxic effect on us. If you honestly believe that you can't repair the damage, and you feel your friend never was there for you, maybe it will be best to end the friendship.

No need for a dramatic breakup. Time will solve the case. Just leave it alone.

Forget Your "Ego"!

If you are upset just because your friend didn't put you on the pedestal, you may want to put your ego in your pocket, and think the whole situation through all over again. Everyone wants to feel loved and important, but you have to be realistic and understand that the world doesn't revolve around you!

Forgive and Forget...

Do your best to forgive and forget. It's easier to live without a grudge. Regardless of whether you decide to further this friendship, or to go separate ways, the best thing you can do is to try to be compassionate. Remember that everyone makes mistakes, and if you give your friend a chance to calmly talk about everything, not only it will help you to forgive him, but also it may strengthen your friendship.

The best way to forgiveness is to take a long look at ourselves: we are all more or less selfish, and rarely manage to be such friends to others, as we would like others to be to us.


© 2013 Monis Mas. All rights reserved.

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    • Mhatter99 profile image

      Martin Kloess 4 years ago from San Francisco

      Thank you for this useful information. My best friend and I parted ways

      when he allowed his failing marriage to interfere with a big record contract with Fantasy Records.

    • Monis Mas profile image
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      Aga 4 years ago

      I am so sorry to hear that Mhatter99. It must have been hard for you. I parted ways with a few best friends in the past, sometimes I miss them all!

    • b. Malin profile image

      b. Malin 4 years ago

      Good sound advice Monis Mas. No one is perfect and Friendships, in order to survive, need to remember this. However, sometimes we do out grow a friendship...and sadly we need to let go.

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 4 years ago

      So true, dear b.Malin! Thank you for your insight on that!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      Good evening Aga - you really should think about, seriously, writing a daily column in a newspaper or a magazine (online or off) because you always rock my world with your intense, passionate and wise mind - and that is what makes you such an excellent writer, dear friend.

      I am sending you warm wishes from lake erie time ontario canada 7:39pm on the snowiest day in five years and will now relax with a nice cuppa Morrocan mint green tea as my two cats sleep and I am listening to a lovely string quartet tribute to the late great John Coltrane

    • Monis Mas profile image
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      Aga 4 years ago

      Thank you, dear Colin, thank you so, so much! I have been feeling a bit down lately, for various reasons, and your wonderful words made me really happy this evening. Enjoy your snowy Friday and green tea!

    • epigramman profile image

      epigramman 4 years ago

      I am so sorry to hear that ...... then I must spend some 'quality' time with you then .... to cheer you up - I am currently listening to a lovely and lively album of The Chieftains playing Mexcican music - and away we go ........ see you in a bit.

    • Monis Mas profile image
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      Aga 4 years ago

      Hahaha! Thank you Colin! You have a way of making me feel better - every time!

    • profile image

      Vickiw 4 years ago

      Sometimes it helps to think of all the good characteristics of a friend you have enjoyed. If the good things can't outweigh the less pleasant ones, it is pretty safe to assume you have grown out of them, and it is time to forgive and move on. But for most smaller transgressions, I think it is pretty easy to forgive, especially when I think of my own lack of perfection!

    • profile image

      Vickiw 4 years ago

      Hi Monis Mas, so true that you shouldn't have people that are toxic as friends. Sometimes we simply outgrow some friends, and then it is time just to let them go. Great advice. Good Hub.

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 4 years ago

      Thank you, dear Vickiw! I am glad you enjoyed my article. Have a wonderful Sunday evening!

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 4 years ago

      As long as we remember, that we are not perfect, right? People tend to forget about, and judge others a bit too much... Thank you for stopping by, Vickiw!

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

      Good thoughts my friend. I do not do toxic. However, good friends who simply make a mistake in judgment I can forgive. Hurt me on purpose and I have a hard time with forgiveness. :)

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 4 years ago

      I agree, Bill! I try not to judge, and think of reasons for somebody's actions - but If it seems to be vicious, or repetitive, it's gets harder to forgive. Thank you for stopping by!

    • Dim Flaxenwick profile image

      Dim Flaxenwick 4 years ago from Great Britain

      I found this to be very helpful.

      Thank you.

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 4 years ago

      Dim, it's hard to forgive, sometimes we keep our grudges for years... When we are finally ready to forgive, it can really free us up, but also it could be too late to save a relationship.. Thank you for your visit!

    • DDE profile image

      Devika Primić 3 years ago from Dubrovnik, Croatia

      Brilliant tips on hot forgive friendships are very important this is a very useful hub

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 3 years ago

      Thank you very much DDE. Forgiveness for some reason is not easy to achieve :-(

    • rajan jolly profile image

      Rajan Singh Jolly 3 years ago from From Mumbai, presently in Jalandhar,INDIA.

      It takes effort to forgive but if one understands no one is perfect it becomes easier, much easier. Thanks for this fine piece of advice.

    • Monis Mas profile image
      Author

      Aga 3 years ago

      I couldn't agree more dear rajan jolly!

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