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How to Handle Your Parents Divorce

Updated on April 23, 2018
parents separation
parents separation

If your parents separate, it can seem like the end of the world. It might even lead to emotional and behavioral changes in you. Frankly, children are the always the losers in divorce. When parents separate, it can lead to anxiety, depression, delinquent behavior, and even their teenage daughter is at risk of pregnancy.

These victimized children sometimes end up with self-destructive behaviors all thanks to their parents’ lack of discretion. Some end indulging in taking illicit drug substances just to get a sort of ‘relief’, other cast off restraints and refuse to focus in school. Some end up as troublers of society because of their experiences while growing. And this they do with the mentality that they want to ‘punish’ their parents or it might be as a result of the parent’s slackened monitoring eye over them.

As a child, now that you’ve been deprived of the daily presence of a parent, one you may have deeply love, it’s time to move forward and not let a single event alter the course of your life negatively; you have to move on with life.

Why Do Parents Break Up

Often times, a split-up comes as a shock to the child because parents have kept their problems well hidden. A study on the major reason why parents separate produced a list of 10, here they are:

  1. Poor Communication
  2. Incompatibility
  3. Financial Difficulty
  4. Personal Problems
  5. Lack of Attentiveness
  6. Growing Apart
  7. Intimacy Issues
  8. Addiction
  9. Infidelity
  10. Selfishness

If you probably enquired your parents for the reason for their separation and you aren’t able to get a specific answer, whatever the case, the fact that your parents may have chosen to be silent or to give you only vague answers does not mean that don’t love you. You parents may simply find it hard to talk about the divorce or they might find it awkward or embarrassing to admit to their own failures.

What You Can Do

  • Identify your fears: Because divorce can turn your world upside down, you may find yourself worrying about things you normally took for granted. However, you’d be able to shrink your fears to a manageable size by first identifying them. You can take a sheet of paper and list your fears on it.

Examples of what children whose parents separate are mostly afraid of are:

  1. Fears of abandonment
  2. Fear of financial difficulty in new family
  3. Fear of the fact that the separation might just be his fault
  4. Fear of having a similarly dysfunctional marriage
  • Discuss your concerns: Having listed your fears, it’ll be wise to discuss them with your parent (the one who’s still with you). As a matter of fact, a problem shared is half solved. You need to discuss with your parent and let them know how confused you are. Maybe they will be able to tell you what’s happening and thus lessen your tension.

However, if your parent is not able to help you at the moment, you can try confiding in a mature friend. Take the initiative to seek out such a person. Just having someone who will listen to you can be a tremendous relief. In fact, it’s called ‘unburdening’ when you pour out your pains to a sympathetic. And that in itself might be a great relief.

What Not to Do

  • Don’t hold a grudge: If you identify your parent’s fault, say, selfishness, and they’re not ready to admit it, don’t go mad at them or decide to hold a grudge against them. Although it might be difficult, it’ll be wise to forgive your parent and admit to the fact that no one is really perfect; hence, you should give your parent a reasonable chance for imperfections.

In case You’re Not Sure Whether to Forgive, Here are 5 Reasons to Do So:

  1. Holding onto anger could hurt your physical heart
  2. It messes your mental health
  3. It stop you from moving on with life
  4. It steals your freedom and happiness
  5. It’ll weaken your social bonds

What to Expect in the Future

A literal injury, say, a broken bone could take time to heal; it could take months to heal completely. This is exactly the case with the healing of emotional injury. Some experts say that the worst of a divorce is over within three years. Remember, it takes time for things like this to stabilize. And as your life regains some semblance of regularity, you will begin to feel normal again.

© 2018 Matthew Joseph


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