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How to Start Talking to Someone on a Dating Site

Updated on April 27, 2018
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Dating coach and Online dating coach with over six years' coaching experience.

Talking to Someone On a Dating Site

Talking to someone on a dating site: let him see the way you are both connected
Talking to someone on a dating site: let him see the way you are both connected


Abena Domfeh is in her early twenties and seriously searching for a life partner so that she can get married. She was introduced to online dating by a friend and she has seen a guy she is interested in.

“I am attracted to this handsome guy, but I don’t know how to go about the whole thing. I don’t know how to start talking to someone on a dating site. I am scared he may not respond to the messages I send to him. I need online dating tips. What am I supposed to say so that he will respond? How can I increase my chances of dating him?” she asks, with a look of concern on her face.

In this article, I want to look at how you can start a conversation with a guy or woman online so that you can increase the likelihood of finding a partner, and possibly love, on a dating site.

1. Online Dating Conversation Starters—L et The Other Person See That You Are Intriguing

Some would be lovers have the habit of starting their communication with people they are attracted to in the same way. A first message may look something like, “Hello, how are you, beautiful damsel? I just want to say hi,” or “You are really cute! I want to know more about you. Can you tell me about your life?”

When you write lines like these which the other person may have read hundreds of times, and when you hope that such a message can inspire someone to reply to your message because he or she may find you interesting, you may be deluding yourself.

Therefore, let your first message convey the impression that you are an intriguing person.

  • If you are a man, you may write something such as, “Imagine dating a guy who is so tender that his heart bleeds when his dog is sick! Picture going out with this guy who understands the needs of women and so treats them with tender loving care. Know who I am talking about? That’s me! Wouldn’t you love to experience such tenderness? Hi, I am Ike. May I know who you are?” Show that you are an intriguing guy so that a woman will feel that you will be interesting to talk to.
  • If you are a woman, you may write something such as this, “My name is Agatha. I am the kind of woman who livens the room whenever I get there. I am the woman who makes guys laugh till they beg me to stop cracking jokes! What is your story?” Write something out of the ordinary so that a member of the opposite sex will want to find out about the person behind the message.

2. Compliment The Person

Another way to start an online dating conversation is to compliment the man or woman you are attracted to.

However, don’t forget that when you see a person in real life and you compliment him or her, that person may be flattered and excited because he or she may have never been complimented before. However, a man or woman on an online dating site may have gotten lots of compliments or may receive tens of compliments in a week. Therefore, you need to write something that will make the man or woman’s heart beat faster.

The common compliments that men get are, “You are handsome!” or “You look great!” whilst the common compliments that women get are, “You are beautiful!” or “You are cute!” or “You look gorgeous!” However, prospective lovers are searching for potential partners who they think can enrich and enliven their lives, and who they think are unique and intriguing. How can you show that? By going beyond the normal compliments and writing something creative.

So, look at the profile picture of the person and say something to that person that you can say to that particular man or woman, but to no one else.

  • For example, if you are a man and the girl or woman you like has done a rasta hair-do, you may say something such as, “Hello! I have seen many women who have done a rasta hair-do before but I don’t think I have seen any woman who looks great in it look you do. You really look immaculately exquisite in that hair-do. It suits your face perfectly!” This is how to talk to a girl!
  • If you are a woman and it is a man you are communicating with and he looks muscular, you might say, “I love your muscles! Absolutely incredible! They remind me of Arnold Schwarznegger in his hey days! They make you look awesome, great and sexy!”

By complimenting the person, you will make him or her feel needed, wanted, and special and that may motivate him or her to respond to your message.

3. Go Beyond Every Day Compliments

Furthermore, instead of using the lines that people normally hear just as they are, add something to them to make them sound unique and pleasurable.

  • If you are a man, instead of just saying, “You are beautiful” you may compliment a woman you are attracted to by saying something such as, “You look fabulously good! You are one of the most beautiful women I have ever met. What is your secret?” Such a message is more likely to compel her to respond to your compliment.
  • If you are a woman, you may say, “I love your general appearance—you look neat, I like your smiling face, and your clothes look great on you!” instead of saying something such as, “I like how you look.”
  • Go beyond the everyday stuff we say to compliment people when you are paying a compliment so that you will tell the person you are interested in that you are very observant. Consequently, you may convey the signal that you pay attention to detail and so will be careful about how you treat him or her when you are able to establish a friendship. That will increase the chances that the person will reply to your message.

4. Use Their Profile Information To Your Advantage

Some prospective lovers use only the potential partner’s physical attributes to try to get the other person to talk to them.

However, if you want to increase your chances of making the other person feel extra special so that he or she may feel compelled to respond to your messages, compliment the person for his or her character, achievements, hobbies and so on too. This will make the person see that you are not superficial and that can make him or her warm up to you.

Therefore, go through the person’s profile carefully and thoroughly so that you will be able to know what they have revealed about their life.

Look for things you share in common so that you can build your conversation around those things. According to a study conducted by Psychologist Theodore Newcomb, people are attracted to those who are similar to them.

Then, take advantage of that information to make the person feel special.

For example, if the man has posted that he graduated with a First Class from the University for Development Studies, you may write something such as this to him, “I noticed that you were one of the bright guys at your university? Congratulations! You are a smart guy! I am very privileged to know you and I will be honored to have such a talented guy as my friend!” Let the person see that you admire him or her for who they are and they are more likely to want to befriend you.

5. Let The Other Person See How You Are Both Connected

Up to this point, you have made it clear that you are an intriguing person, you are attracted physically to him or her, and also the fact that you think he or she has a great personality. But how will the man or woman you are interested in know that you mean all that you are saying?

So, for example, if you only say that you think a guy is smart, he may ask himself, “And so what?” Therefore, you have to let him or her see how their character or physical attractiveness or achievements can help both of you to bond when you are able to start a friendship. This will make the person see that you will have a lot of talk about, that you will have interesting conversations and an exciting relationship when he or she responds to your message, and that may motivate him or her to give your message thoughtful consideration.

So, tell the person why you love their character, hobbies, or interests, or tell the person the role those same hobbies and so on have played or play in your life.

For example, if the guy says he loves soccer and that he supports Accra Great Olympics, and you also like soccer, tell him about your love of soccer. Talk about your favorite soccer team and then remind him of exciting encounters between your team and his team, or controversies that have cropped up anytime these two teams are about to meet so that you can fire his imagination and make him see that he will never spend a boring moment when he is with you. Once he or she sees that they can have lots of fun when they associate with you, they will reply to your message and get the ball rolling.

6. Repeat The Last Three Words Of The Other Person

When the person responds to your message, make it a habit to repeat the person’s last three words when you are responding to his or her message. Furthermore, reply in a sympathetic, questioning manner. This is one great way to keep a conversation going online.

According to some social skills experts, it makes the other person know that you are giving them rapt attention. Consequently, he or she will feel that you are really interested in his or her life and that can make it easier to build the rapport between the two of you and make the person like you which will increase the chances that you can develop a relationship with him or her.

So, for example, if he or she says his mother is deceased, you may say something nice such as this to him, “Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. I can feel your pain. I felt the same way when my aunt died last year. Don’t you have anyone else who can comfort you? I ask because if you don’t, I would like to comfort you.”


Talking to someone on a dating site may seem intimidating at first. However, if you show that you are enigmatic and mysterious, if you appreciate the person and try to make him or her feel great about themselves, and when you can make the person see that you are connected in a way and so you will find it easy to bond, you will increase the likelihood that the person will respond to your message.

Additionally, you may need to learn about other ways of conversing with someone on a dating site, how you can increase your chances of finding love online, as well as how to increase the chances that that person may fall for you on that dating site so that, after establishing a friendship, you can develop it till both of you possibly tie the knot in the future.

How to Start Talking to Someone on a Dating Site

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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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