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Talking to Someone on a Dating Site: How to Start the Conversation and What to Talk About

Updated on June 15, 2019
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Dating coach and Online dating coach with over six years' coaching experience.

Talking To Someone On A Dating Site

Talking to someone on  a dating site: let him see that you can fulfill his need
Talking to someone on a dating site: let him see that you can fulfill his need


How do you start talking to someone on a dating site? What are some of the things you can write to stimulate the interest of the other person and make him or her choose to respond to your messages? This article will give you tips that can help you to start an online conversation with a guy or a woman so that you can increase your chances of finding love.

Let us start by looking at the most important part of the whole process.

1. Keep The Subject Line And The Body Of The First Message Short

The subject line you use is the first thing that will give the man or woman you are interested in an idea of the kind of person you are. If you don’t get it right, your chances of getting a reply from the person you are attracted to is slim. If the subject line cannot grab the attention of your prospective partner, he or she will not bother to read the rest of the message.

One study suggests that making the subject line unique to the recipient can increase your chances of getting a response from the other person. Additionally, you must ensure that it is 30 characters or less.

So, for example, you may write something such as, “Hey gorgeous! What’s up!” instead of writing, “Hello. I think you look interesting and I want to know you more.”

Furthermore, ensure that the main body of the email is short, preferably 300 characters or less. Just include brief things about yourself which you feel will highlight your good points well and which are compelling enough, such as where you live, how you live, and a few of your positive attributes.

2. Use Proper English

Many youth have adopted the habit of shortening words when they communicate with their close friends, schoolmates, work colleagues, and relatives. So, instead of writing “love,” a young man or woman may choose to write “Luv.” Or, instead of writing “Friend,” he or she may choose to write “Frnd.”

You have to wary of this habit, if you want to successfully attract a man or a woman for an online relationship. The mode of communication you use when you are conversing online with your close friends or relatives is not the same mode of communication you must use to try to get a date—you have to use proper spellings and good punctuation.

By doing this, you will tell the other person that you are a meticulous person who believes in doing things right, which is sexy for some people, and which can make one look more appealing.

3. Crack A Joke In Your Message reports that research shows that humor is attractive to both men and women. Whilst men adore women who show that they loved the joke the man cracked, women find men who can make them split their sides with laughter sexy.

Additionally, when you can make the other person laugh, you will arouse his or her curiosity and make them desire to know a lot more about you which will make the person respond to your message so that they can find out.

However, it must be said that making someone else laugh is not an easy thing to do. But, you can increase your chances of pulling it off by visiting sites such as,, and, and browsing through the jokes on those sites so that you can get ideas to create your own unique joke to help you look exciting and attractive.

4. Ask The Man Or Woman A Question

One technique you can use when you are talking to someone on a dating site is to ask intriguing questions which require responses so that you can increase your chances of getting a response. Asking questions will give the other person a reason to respond to your message. Otherwise, there will be no motivation for the person to reply.

Therefore, you may ask questions such as

  • I saw on your profile that you love dogs. I also love dogs. Do you have any dogs? What is its name?
  • I am dancing to my favorite song. What are you doing now?
  • I ate bread and oats this morning. What did you eat for breakfast?
  • What can you talk about for hours on end?
  • What is the one thing you would like to share with someone like me which is not on your profile?
  • I love reading the stories of other people. Do you have a good story to share with me?
  • What don’t you like about the opposite sex?
  • I like the way you arranged your hair in the picture on your profile. In which salon did you arrange your hair?
  • I like the shirt you wore when you took that picture on your profile. Where did you buy it?
  • I have been racking my brain trying to figure out your temperament. Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Furthermore, Arthur Aron, a psychologist at New York State University has suggested a number of questions which, according to him, can create a connection between a couple who have never met before in less than an hour.

5. Show That You Are Humble

Research suggests that both men and women are attracted to members of the opposite sex who show humility. So, when you start an online dating conversation, show humility.

When you show that you are humble, the other person will feel that he or she may find it easier to relate to you because there is not likely to be a clashes of egos. Consequently, he or she is more likely to reply to your messages.

Therefore, when you are writing your message, make sure you include words such as, “please,” “I will be honored to get to know you,” “It is an honor to have the privilege to connect with someone like you,” “sorry,” “I apologize,” “forgive me,” “Brother…,” “Sister…,” and so on, which all show that one is humble.

6. Show That You Can Fulfill The Other Person’s Unmet Need

Some people are attracted to, and like to date, people who have their own strengths, and who, in addition, have other strengths that they lack in their life.

For example, a person who is humble and lacks self-confidence may be attracted to another person who is humble but is very confident so that he or she can create better balance in his or her life.

So, go through the person’s profile thoroughly and analyze where you think he or she may have a need which you can help to balance with your strengths. Then, tailor your messages to show that you have the strength to meet that need.

For example, if you see in the profile of the other person that he or she is shy and not sociable, and that bothers the person, and you are sociable and outgoing, then tailor your messages to show that you know how to make friends easily, tell him or her about how many friends you have so that you can make your message more authentic, and inform the other person that you can help him or her to learn how to develop friendships. That is likely to grab the person’s attention and make him or her want to date you.

7. Write Something That Will Leave An Indelible Impression On The Mind Of The Other Person

Confidence is one thing that a lot of people admire in others. When you show that you are a confident person, when you show that you are proud of who you are and of your accomplishments and abilities, you are more likely to arouse the curiosity in the person you are attracted to than when you avoid including those things in your message.

Additionally, let the other person know that you are passionate about something. That will tell your potential date that you are a lively person who is happy about his or her life and that may sway a member of the opposite sex to like you and make him or her want to know more about you.

8. Show That You Know Who You Are reports that research suggests that when a person has a strong sense of self-identity, that person is more likely to form a relationship in which there will be fewer conflicts and, hence, that person can form a strong, intimate relationship with another person of the opposite sex.

So, when you let the other person see that you are a secure person who is self-actualized, he or she is more likely to want to date you because he or she will feel that there is a greater likelihood that there will be less tension in the friendship.

Therefore, let the other person know who you are by telling them about what you think about yourself, why you think you are on Earth, how you think, your likes, dislikes, aspirations for your life, what makes you sad, the kind of things that make you happy, memorable events you will never forget in your life.


Talking to someone on a dating site can seem tricky at first. However, if you gather the courage and put together a catchy subject line and intriguing message, use proper English, show that you appreciate humor, ask a question that will require a response, and show that you know yourself, you may rouse feelings in a member of the opposite sex which may make him or her desire to develop a friendship with you.

Additionally, you may also be interested in other ways of starting a conversation and how to find love to help you as you search for love.

Talking to Someone on a Dating Site

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© 2017 Isaac Yaw Asiedu Nunoofio


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