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How to Win Him Over Again

Updated on January 20, 2014
Get cupid back in your corner with lots of work.
Get cupid back in your corner with lots of work. | Source

If you were recently dumped by the love of your life, it's not impossible to win your boyfriend or husband over again. Assuming you didn’t do anything unforgivable, you can make some changes to yourself and the way you act toward him to make him remember why you were so great to begin with.

Relationships fail for a lot of reasons. Maybe you fell into a routine, or maybe things just got stale and boring. No matter how powerful the initial spark was, it’s easy for a relationship to fizzle out. This actually happens to every couple! The trick is to survive these rough times and reinvent your love.

Other common reasons for a failed relationship are unbalanced roles. Were you a pushover? Did you follow him around like a puppy and try to make everything perfect for him? In general, guys want a girl who is an equal, or even sometimes “better” than he is. he wants a woman with value, and if you act like a low-class citizen in his presence, he may begin to think you’re low-value.

The first step to fixing a broken relationship is reconciling.

If your relationship ended recently, you’ve probably tried unsuccessfully to talk your boyfriend or husband into returning to you. If you’re reading this, I can assume those efforts didn’t work out so well.

When a relationship goes on a break, your boyfriend or husband needs space. Give him this space. No matter how badly it hurts or how hard it is, you cannot contact him. Although this may seem as if it makes no sense, it’s actually the most powerful step you can take to win him over again.

Right now you’re probably feeling hurt, sad, needy and insecure. These attributes will only come off as unattractive and push him away. You don’t want to give him more reasons to want to be apart from you. Even after a few weeks of no contact, his bad memories of you will begin to fade, and the plan is already working.

He will also wonder why you’re not trying to get back with him. Did you really get over him that fast? Maybe you weren’t as “disposable” as he originally thought… You are putting the ball in your court by cutting off contact with him. This is the first step in potentially reattracting your lost loved one.

This “no contact” rule is sometimes powerful enough to win him back without any further effort.

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Where to Start

Everything starts with you. Get yourself into a better place and show him he had you all wrong. Start with the way you look; this works for a couple reasons. When you look good, you feel good, so go get a new outfit, get your hair done and get back some of your confidence. When you're confident, you're much more attractive.

The second reason a new look works is because it is the start toward a new relationship. Change from that girl that he had all the problems with into an all new one so you can start a fresh new relationship.

Dating Again

This one isn't quite so pleasant to think about but it has to be done. Step two is to go on a couple dates with a new guy. It's probably not what you would think would win him over again, but it is. It shows how confident you still are and that you are not needy. It shows him that you have moved on and that you can survive quite well without him. Dating someone new is also a boost to your confidence. It will be nice to spend sometime with someone who is genuinely interested in you. It will also help you to keep your mind off of your boyfriend or husband. To be fair to anyone you date, be sure you don't lead him on.

If He's Moved On With Someone New

Now that you are dating other guys and having fun again - concentrating on your own well-being - it may be time to reconnect with your boyfriend or husband. But what if he is dating other women? How should you handle that situation? This is a common hurdle to overcome when trying to get your boyfriend or husband back.

The best way to handle the fact that your boyfriend or husband is seeing other women is to not let anyone know that it bothers you--especially him. Even if it eats you up inside, maintain a calm composure and don't even let your friends know that it bothers you. Live your life as if it is the most normal thing in the world. It tells the world that you are secure with yourself and not a needy person.

If it does bother you, ask yourself if your insecurity was the reason for your breakup in the first place. Insecurity is not an attractive quality in men or women and it is important that you concentrate on making yourself happy. If you are able to do this--and it may take some time--you will project a more confident attitude that your old boyfriend or husband may find attractive. He may begin to doubt the reasons he broke up with you in the first place.

So keep this advice in mind: Do not show resentment or anger to your boyfriend or husband. You will do much better by keeping a calm demeanor, and this will make you a more attractive person.

Getting In Touch With Him

When you've worked up the nerve to contact your ex-boyfriend or husband, you don't want to just dive right in blindly. You need a strategy that you can follow. Start out in a casual setting, like lunch or coffee somewhere. Any place that doesn't mean you have to go all out, spend a lot, get all dressed up and fancy. Give him a call and see if he'd like to meet up with you somewhere for a quick bite or a latte. Be polite when you talk to him, and lighten up a bit.This is one of the most important steps.

If the answer is "yes," then you have leaped over the first hurdle.

If the answer is "no," then don't be hurt and start an argument. Push him a little instead. Let him know it is just lunch, nothing fancy.

If the answer is a repeated "no," then hang it up. Get off the call while still being casual and polite.

“No” isn't the end of all your efforts. It is just a hiccup--a relationship hurdle. On the positive side, you've set the ball in motion. You never know, he might call you again after mulling the idea over for a while, and take you up on your offer for coffee or lunch after all.

Now, what if the answer had been yes? Great, but don't get all excited just yet. You still need to be prepared. For this first date, and all subsequent dates, you have to keep track of a few things.

Arrive armed with your million dollar smile. Project the fact that you are doing just great, inside and out, even if you're not.

Relax. Remember that this is just a casual setting. Don't bring up old stuff. That isn't to say that he may want to vent. Let him. Give him an attentive ear. Whatever he brings up, don't let it upset you. All you need to do is remember to keep the event casual and relaxing. If his venting starts to move the date in the wrong direction, then very politely ask him to save his thoughts for another moment. No need to put up a wall right out of the gate.

Don't fall for using the old trick of making your boyfriend or husband jealous. Friendliness is a more positive approach. On the same note, seduction or offers of sex will completely take away any value of yourself that you might have been projecting.

Don't let the first date drag on too long. The more time you two spend together, the more chances you have of something going wrong. If you are working at remaining calm and keeping yourself from getting involved in any arguments, keep the date short—around an hour or even less. You'll want to keep him hanging and wanting more.

After your first date, let him know you enjoyed get together with him, and let him know you appreciated his time. Don't mention going out again. Now, if he asks you out again, by all means accept. The key here is that he needs to initiate the next one.

As your renewed dating progresses, follow this sage advice:

- Don't hop right into bed until it is clear that you both are really a couple again.

- Have fun. Don't gravitate over again to any old routine that has gathered dust from your last relationship with him, especially anything that reminds either of you of the cause of your break up.

Be calm and positive, relaxed at all times around him. Arguing will tear down your efforts in the blink of an eye, and remember to keep the past where it belongs.

Now That You're Dating Again

If you want things to last, then you need to make your value to him skyrocket.What does it mean to have your value skyrocket? It means making him work for you.

This time, you aren't going to be the one to jump at his every beck and call. This time, you will have to let him make you happy. If he is volunteering to do things for you, whether it is cooking dinner or just getting you a glass of water, then don't stop him by telling him you can do those things yourself. Remember that he is coming to you with these offers because he wants to do these things for you. The more happy he can make you, the higher up you go on the value scale.

Don't be lazy when it comes to creating these scenarios every day. Don't come across as demanding, but instead ask him for tiny favors. Things like massaging that sore shoulder or taking care of a few dishes that are in the sink.

When he agrees to doing all of these little things, don't skimp on the sincere gratitude, and make it real. And don't forget the rewards coming his way for doing these little favors. His rewards can come in the form of just paying him compliments or doing other small things that convey how much you appreciate him.

What other things can you do that will skyrocket your value to him? Mankind place a great value on rare things. Men often feel that their girlfriends or wives complain too much. Smart changes to how you handle yourself around him will go far to elevate you from the commonplace variety of female.

And if he does things to upset you, then you can go ahead and offer a punishment, in the same way that you reward him for pleasing you.

For example, you both have plans to do something, and he cancels on you. Let's say he isn't paying you the attention you deserve. Where you would normally get bent out of shape and switch to your nagging mode, you should address him in a calm voice, expressing your disappointment.

Remember your teenage years? Remember the times you brought an “F” home on your report card, or you missed curfew? Were you affected more by parents exploding in anger like a nuclear bomb, or that icy coolness where they looked you in the eye and told you how disappointed they were in your behavior? Guys respond to that in the same manner. Following all the tips in this guide will be critical in solidifying your new relationship with him.


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    • profile image

      MizsOW 5 years ago

      I can agree on the tips However I feel that it applies to the males as well. speaking from my self one thing I can not stand is an insecure man. I run & stay far from it. I work with the community and do lots of events I can't have a man calling 10 or 15 times asking what am I doing. My Vote is up

    • SpiffyD profile image

      SpiffyD 6 years ago from The Caribbean

      Some useful pointers here. I agree with the notion that debilitating insecurities are unattractive. This is a comprehensive guide indeed. Voted up and useful.