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How to be a Super Mom- tips and guidance
TIP NUMBER ONE- SUPER HUMAN POWERS
You will need to harness super human powers. You need to see through doors, hear noises happening miles away and develop a sixth sense for problems. This skill must be able to transcend airwaves and oceans and is particularly useful if a child is on a solo holiday abroad.
TIP NUMBER TWO-ORGANISE
Your organisational skills need to be highly developed. You need to organise a schedule for all the family, ensuring that they are where they should be when they should be. Failure is not an option as it will be totally your fault and the agony of a missed swimming class will be felt by your child for an hour, but by you for a lifetime.
TIP NUMBER THREE- DRIVING
Driving- If you are not a competent driver consider taking lessons as it will make your job so much easier. Instead of taking buses laden with shopping and kids in tow you can pile it all into your car. It also makes it easier to fill your schedule as you need less time between appointments and therefore you can work at a faster rate.
TIP NUMBER FOUR- DIET
Food and Nutrition- Once you are a mother you become responsible for the nutrition of the family. You need to become expert in a balanced diet and the role that proteins, vitamins and minerals play. It is helpful to spend the last few weeks of pregnancy with your feet up, cramming for the test that is about to start and will last a lifetime. As you grow more experienced you can indulge in inspecting other peoples trolley at the grocery store check out- deciding if they are doing as good a job as you are. Should you need retraining there are lots of good shows on TV that can be replayed late at night when you have a free minute.
TIP NUMBER FIVE- HANDICRAFTS
Handicrafts- If you were lucky you may have learnt sewing skills from your mom or at school. If not you have to learn how to sew. You are now responsible for all missing buttons, holes (except decorative) in clothes and pulled threads in jumpers. It will also help if you have an appreciation of fibers and textiles and can judge when manufacturers washing instructions need changing .
TIP NUMBER SIX - washing
Washing- It is your job.period. You will quickly learn that to avoid tears you should always separate your washing into 3 groups, white, light and coloured, Secondly the washing basket is never empty. It is a miracle but it seems to fill itself when you are not looking. Thirdly, you have to learn about the sock fairy. This is the fairy story where moms put socks into the washer and they come out washed and attached to their perfect partner. I am sorry to break the news but there is no sock fairy. You either have a rigid regime and pair the socks or like me you learn to live with odd socks. I am wearing a fetching pair as I write, both grey but one has red and one yellow stripes, If you have multiples of children buy one size one colour and let them fight it out.
TIP NUMBER SEVEN- EXPERT ANALYSIS
Mom is now officially the expert on everything. You will be required to work on all types of school projects and answer all those questions whilst doing other tasks. " Mom, what's french for carry" is quite a standard question and may present some difficulties if you have not done your homework and are cooking the meal. If your skills are not good enough in any subject , sign up for classes. Literacy and numeracy classes are full of moms needing to improve skills and keep up with the kids.
TIP NUMBER EIGHT- GO INTO BATTLE
At times Mom has to go into battle. You get a taster for this in the pregnancy when you might have to battle to get the best maternity care or with hormones raging quiz your doctor on every aspect of what is happening to you. As for schools- oh my a constant and burning challenge to get your offspring into a good school and then make sure the school does not let your child down. It is a never ending process as kids change schools at different ages- oh and dont forget college. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
TIP NUMBER NINE - WISDOM
You will need great wisdom and be able to make balanced, reasoned judgements within a few milliseconds. You will need to impartially record in your head evidence from all parties and censure and sentence as appropriate. Unlike a court of law your sentence will be attacked often by the defendant and the victim for being "too soft" or "too hard" or "not fair" and will be compared to others, "but mom , YOU GROUNDED ME FOR 6 WEEKS WHEN I BROKE THE WINDOW, HE'S GOT 4 WEEKS"
TIP NUMBER TEN- MEDICAL EXPERT
You must be able to diagnose any number of minor illnesses and be able to offer sound medical cures upon application. You should be able to understand the differences between those illnesses requiring medical care and those requiring TLC and chicken soup. A favorite remedy is a duvet day which is a very popular cure for a lot of teenagers. Should serious illness arise you need to summon all your skills and seek appropriate medical treatment immediately, rapidly becoming an expert on the subject so that you can offer an opinion on the treatment given and assess the efficacy of the treatment.
TIP NUMBER ELEVEN-CONFIDANTE
At times a member of the family will admit to serious breaches ! "I scratched dad's car". At times like this you need to disregard everything you have told the children about honesty and tell your hubby that you did it. Preparing a nice warm bath for him when he gets home and having his favorite meal may reduce the level of animosity shown, but men do not in general bear grudges, especially against "'er indoors"
TIP NUMBER TWELVE-JUGGLER
You need to juggle all these roles to be able to perform. The bad news is that unless you area SAHM (Stay at Home Mom) you may have to work, perhaps even full time. Sometimes you might drop a ball or two, try not to feel sad when this happens .When you are really ill, give in. At times like this it is hoped that the family will realise how much work you do and help- perhaps!
THE LAST TOP TIP- LOVE
That's it really...Just a few tips to being a successful mom. Super Mons greatest skill is the love she feels for her family as it is this which keeps her going. If not the hours of work, and the terms of employment and salary are unattractive to say the least. You don't take this job for the money