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How to be a good husband? Tips to master the qualities of a perfect husband

Updated on September 14, 2012
Strive to be a husband who your wife admires, adores, respects and craves every single day.
Strive to be a husband who your wife admires, adores, respects and craves every single day. | Source

How to be a good husband? What are the traits and qualities of a perfect husband? Find out the answers and a lot more as this post is packed with real-life tips on how you can be a better husband to your loving wife. Make every day count and cherish your marriage every step of the way by practicing these do's and don'ts of married life.

1) Keep communication lines open: Make deliberate efforts to converse

The rut of life and the fight to survive in a fast paced concoction of marriage, job, kids, mortgage and society gets to most of us. If your busy schedule is stopping you from having candid chats, serious conversations, talks about sweet nothings and all the other banter that is a part and parcel of married life, step back and find the time to do so.

Make deliberate efforts to spend some time with your wife everyday when both of you can just talk without the interruption of kids, TV, work and everything else. Even if it is just 15 minutes, remember that those 15 minutes will build and maintain the crucial lines of communication on which every marriage is based on.

2) Be more cheerful and less grumpy

Just like you deserve the company of a cheerful partner, your wife deserve the company of a cheerful husband. Stop being grumpy and try to overlook the minor bumps in the journey of life and marriage.

A cheerful attitude and a good sense of humor will go a long way in making your wife feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

3) Limit your expectations: Don't be overtly controlling or dominating

It is generally acceptable to have expectations from your partner. In fact most relationships are based on one type of expectation or another – be it emotional, psychological, physical, behavioral or financial expectation.

Don't let your expectations overpower the bond between you and your wife. If you want her to do something or behave in a particular way in a specific situation, explain to her reason behind it.

Expectations should be subtle and secondary to a person's individual personality. Don't let your views and opinions become demanding or overly controlling of your wife's behavior.

4) Leave your ego at work

Ego may be an essential part of a man's world but it is not be the best thing to put in between you and your wife. There is virtually no place for ego in marriage.

If you want to keep your ego levels sky high at your workplace, that's your wish. But when you reach home after work, leave your high headedness and ego outside the door as you step in.

5) Compliment her: Make your wife feel good about herself

Just like how you massage your boss' ego at work, how you please your clients with compliments and how you exchange niceties with your professional acquaintances, make sure you transpose your skills of making people feel better at home as well.

Give your wife compliments that would make any girl smile. Put deliberate efforts to tell her how beautiful she is or how lucky you are to have a person like her in your life. Keep using verbal affirmations to passively induce happiness along with the 'feel good factor' in your wife's life every single day.

6) Clean up your mess and do your bit around the house

Good husbands clean up their own messes around the house, there are no two ways about this. Pick up your clothes, laundry and all the other things that you are in the habit of leaving around the bedroom and the house.

This applies especially to husbands whose wives are homemakers – just because someone does it for you, does not mean that you take them for granted.

A question as simple as 'Can I do something to help you?' while your better half is doing a chore or two on Sunday morning is all it takes to show her that you are willing to shoulder responsibility for your share of work around the house.

7) Show chivalry from time to time

Tradition and popular culture have time and again romanticized the image of a chivalrous man in books, TV and movies. Whether or not chivalry comes to you naturally, make sure to show it every once in a while.

For example, when you and your wife are going out for dinner, rush to get the car door for her. Open doors and pull chairs for her when you step outside. The trick is to do the little things that can make her feel like a princess in the company of a charming prince.

8) Don't micromanage the her domain

Work, social life, children and household chores are some of the common domains whose responsibility is shared by married couples. Just like how you would not like your wife telling you what to do all the time, don't micromanage her everyday tasks.

Don't be a micromanager and give her the freedom and space to complete her side of work, tasks and chores.

9) Always be ready to listen to your wife's problems

Would you rather prefer that your wife talked about her problems with an outsider, or would you rather want her to share problems with you? Presumably, you wouldn't want her to wash the dirty linen, so to say, in public.

To be a good husband, always be ready to listen your partner's woes, complains, nagging and all the other things that are a given between married couples. Regardless of whether it is midnight or midday, be open to conversations about problems and things that are bothering your wife in her daily life.

You will be glad you lent her a patient ear as opposed to her going to a friend and talking about potentially embarrassing marital problems between the both of you.

10) Understand what turns your wife on: Keep her happy in bed

A woman's sexual life is intertwined with her real life and the sexual quotient of a woman is anything but digital. Keep this in mind and be a good lover. Understand the intricacies and find out what it takes turn your wife on.

Get her in the mood for a romantic sexual rendezvous by nursing her idiosyncrasies and making her feel wanted.

11) Be cautious of what you say when you are angry

Heated arguments can spiral out of control in the blink of an eye. No marriage is absolutely free from fights and arguments. However what separates a good marriage from the rest, is that partners in a good marriage know when to stop.

In your efforts to become a good husband, include controlling what you say when you get angry at the top of your priority list.

Insults that come out of your mouth can leave a damaging and lasting effect on your partner. To make it worst these words can never be taken back as apologies can soothe the pain caused by mindless rants, but never erase its memory.

12) Move ahead: Don't keep bringing up the past

It is only human to err and even the best of us may have done regretful things in the past. One of the fundamental ways to live a happy life is to stop worrying about the past and move on. Husbands and wives should constantly remind themselves of this and look over each other's mistakes that have been made in the past.

Stop raking up bothersome issues of the past and expect your wife to do the same. Leave the past alone and think about how you can be a better husband by thinking of the good times that lie ahead.

13) Don't compare your wife with anyone

Would you like it if your wife compared your financial success with your brother? Wouldn't you feel insecure if your wife kept comparing you with her chivalrous boss? Would you like it if your wife kept raving about how gentlemanly her father was, and how no one could ever come close to his charm? Presumably, the answers to all these questions were No.

Especially in marriage, comparison can be very damaging to a partner's confidence levels and self esteem. The thought of being compared to someone else can be haunting.

Don't make the gaffe of uttering a line in which you unintentionally, or otherwise, compare your wife to someone else, whether it is a friend, work colleague or parent.

14) Don't criticize her cooking blatantly

Whether your wife is a career oriented professional on her way to become a corporate honcho who rarely gets the time to cook, or a loving homemaker taking responsibility for much of your family's happiness including cooking up those delicious meals, don't criticize her cooking.

If you want to give criticism, offer it in a subtle manner. Tell her the flavors that delightfully burst in your mouth and gently point out the ones that didn’t.

15) Provide for your wife and family: Work hard

To be a good husband, you need to emerge as a provider and giver if you are the primary bread winner. Make the most of your opportunities and don't let laziness or habit of procrastination come between you and your ability to provide for your family.

Earn enough to provide for your wife's and family's needs. The definition of 'enough' when it comes to money could be skewed depending on your personal and your family's wants. Generally speaking, work hard to make enough money to keep your family happy.

16) Be a faithful husband: Never cheat on your wife

Being cheated upon, is the ultimate blow to a spouse's confidence, morale, self esteem, trust and belief in the blissful union of marriage. Not surprisingly, adultery and extramarital affairs emerge to be major causes for divorce.

Good husbands are partners who will never cheat on their wives. If you strive to be one, make sure you are never unfaithful.

17) Maintain honesty: Avoid lies, even the white lies

Even seemingly harmless white lies have the potential to rock a marriage. One lie can lead to another and an apparently innocent lie could eventually be a part of a big pot of lies that could be damaging.

Honesty is possibly one of the best qualities of good husbands. Whenever you feel like blurting out a lie to avoid temporary troubles, think of the potential long term scar it could leave on your marriage.

Make every day an effort to build trust in your relationship with your wife and expect her to do the same. Honesty is a two way street.

18) Share your dreams with your wife

All of us have dreams about where we see our life going and how we want it to turn out. These dreams are about personal goals. Husbands and wives typically align their ambitions to reach a place where they both have a sense of achievement as a single unit – a happy and successful couple.

To align your dreams with your wife's, have a specific conversation with her about where you see your life heading, where you see yourself 5 years from now, how you see the family shaping up in future, etc. Sharing your dreams will allow you to take on life's challenges together as a couple.

19) Treat your wife's immediate family as your own

Depending on the equation your wife shares with her parents and immediate family, treat them as your own.

Show concern and initiate discussions by asking inquisitive questions like 'What are your folks up to these days?' or 'I remember you told me a few days back that your mom had a mild fever. Is she feeling better now?'

20) Respect your wife

Marriages survive on the feeling and sense of mutual respect. A good husband respects his wife for multitasking and taking on numerous responsibilities including work, marriage and family.

Acknowledge her efforts in daily life and remind yourself of how lost you would have been had she not been around to sort many things out for you. Your heightened sense of respect for her will show through in your everyday behavior. Your wife will be proud to have a husband like you.


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