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How to deal with abusive mother in law

Updated on June 10, 2011

There are certain things you cannot choose in your life; one such thing is mother in law. Mother in-laws are often matter of concern for fair gender as they are expected to make a place for themselves in the house and hearts of in laws. Moreover the relation between mother in law and daughter in law is such that opportunities for conflict are abundant. The situation gets even worse if you happen to get a martinet mother in law. Here are some points that might help if you are in such a situation.

Why Mother in-law may be abusive?

Find out if your mother in law hurls mental and physical abuses only at you or she practices equality in hurling abuses to every member of the family. Is she is an ardent follower of equality for all, then you should not worry, as now you are part of the family, good and bad both things are yours. However it might be a matter of concern if all the weapons of her abuse armory are targeted with pinpoint accuracy towards you!

Find the reason for such a phenomenon if it exists, there could be traditional reasons like, insecurity, lack of understanding, influence of old counsel that preaches ways and means to control daughter in law. If the reason is traditional then you will have to prove your worth and get her acceptance before you get the liberty to do things your way. If the reason is karmic, like you might have played an abusive relation to your mother in law in some life and now you have come to pay your karmic debt then it’s a different case in which you should pursue a different course as mentioned under topic Karmic relationship on my blog.

Ways to deal with abusive mother in law

  1. Keep people informed: Inform your spouse and your own family members politely about what is going on, however neither ask them for solutions nor act on solutions they give. Ask them not act on your behalf. It has been seen that action based on advice of other people often complicates the issue rather than resolve.
  2. Trust your intuition: Ask your inner self for solutions, inner self is the best guide, listen to it and act as your heart says, all though it might seem weird at first but this is the way it is.
  3. Maintain Distance: If you do not get immediate solution, then take up a job, or if you are already working, increase your working hours. If possible ask your spouse to take a transfer to a nearby city for some time. With time your acceptance level will increase.
  4. Placate with gifts and action: This is an old counsel, placate you mother in law with all sort of gifts and things that she likes, including attention, and the intensity of abuses will reduce significantly.
  5. Avoid being alone in house with your mother in law: Ask some one form you home to come and stay with you for some time, without giving any reason. You can ask younger siblings to come over. This will not give your mother in law an opportunity to trouble you.
  6. Have Kids: When new born babies come to house, generally people forget everything and get busy with kids and as kids grow they become your strongest supporters and friends, this increases your stake in family. As your kids grow other will get discouraged in their attempts to trouble you.
  7. Communicate the consequences through third party: The law is very strict in these matters, if you complain about abuses, then along with your mother in law, your father in law and your spouse will also come under legal radar for failing to protect you. Hence before going legal communicate via a common relative about what you think. Do not threaten directly as it might create a permanent rift in relations.

Check your legal options if these primary solutions do not help you.


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    • Tintin25 profile imageAUTHOR


      6 years ago

      It would be great if you read and article about karmic relationship.

      Best Regards!

    • profile image


      6 years ago

      That insane, to think having kids and bringing them into this sickness will heal things.....please


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