How To Be A Opinionated, Pushy Jerk, or How to Deal With or Handle Nice People.
Are you?
Wouldn't you like to be a jerk too?
There are many articles out there that tell one how to deal with difficult or rude people; however, there are few articles telling difficult people how to deal with nice people. Nice people finish last, and no one wants to finish last. So, the following is some strategies to help you deal with nice people (or how to become a jerk… I mean winner).
1. If someone you are talking to does not agree with you, just shout over him or her. A good rule of thumb is, the louder you yell, the more valid your points are. In addition, if what they are talking about is boring, feel free to yawn continuously or stare out into space. Or, if they say something you do not agree with, roll your eyes.
2. Remember that other people are pushy, opinionated, and mouthy, but you are only keeping it real. In addition, that filter in your head is useless. Just say the very first thing that comes to your mind. Sure, when people do it to you it hurts but you are sensitive. Remember, empathy and sympathy are way over rated. You are the only thing that matters, and you should not have to stoop to their level.
3. Always one up someone when they tell a story (if their dog died, two of your dogs and your grandma died). After all, they have already heard their own stories, and your stories are much more interesting, because they are about you.
4. Keep in that mind, that as far as you know, you might be God. What really happens to other people and the rest of the world when you are not around? Maybe they do not exist if you do not choose to manifest them into reality. No one can certainly prove that you are not God, so do not feel guilty about any of your actions.
5. People appreciate you pointing out their flaws. How else would someone else know if they are fat (well they do have to look in the mirror and know their own clothing sizes), slovenly, boring, or nerdy without you telling them.
6. Feel free to cut off people while driving. Their lives are not important as yours, and you have places to go and things to do. In addition, it is perfectly acceptable to cut inline in front of people. Again, they can be momentarily inconvenienced for your benefit.
7.Remember that many different religious groups claim that God hates fat people, gays, nerds, ethnics, and the poor (I thought God was love and the bible said to help the poor. Oh well,). Therefore, it is ok for you to hate them also.
8. Starting a sentence with, “I am not prejudice, but”, is a perfectly acceptable way to start a sentence when talking about an ethnic person. Many would argue that “but” totally negates the first part of the sentence. Therefore, in actuality, you are saying, “I am prejudice and here’s why.” Nevertheless, this is America and it is you right to be prejudice, and. in your defense, you said that you are not prejudice. Other good openers are, “I am not a sexist, but” or “I am not a Homophobe, but”. Beginning sentences this way will always let other people know where you stand.
9. Remember, everybody else is crazy, too sensitive, or wrong. True, they live outside your little world (or do they?), and may have a more objective viewpoint than you. Also true, that the chances that everybody else is crazy are astronomical, but you have never believed in statistics.
10. Take credit for other people’s success. If you cannot take credit, make sure to belittle their success. In addition, always, always overstate your accomplishments.
In closing, make sure you have good credit or cash in your pocket if you ever get ran over or hurt in public. Otherwise, an individual may not be motivated to help you.
