- Gender and Relationships
How to deal with seven year’s itch in marriage?
'Six years together. Such a perfect matching. You’re entering the 7 year itch zone. This is not time for scratching.’ –Jon Bratton
Marriage is a relationship which should be like wine. Are you wondering how? Wine gets better with years, doesn’t it? Your relationship with your spouse should thrive and flourish as years go by and your marriage should go from hazy love to mature love and from confused emotions to confirmed emotions that both mean a great deal to each other.
But why do couples feel the strain of living together after a few years of marriage? In modern marriages your love for each does not get stronger, but becomes lukewarm and indifferent as years flash past. There are lots of inconsistencies in your co-existence with your spouse and you are no longer excited about your marriage. You call it the seven year’s itch.
Does it mean your marriage struggles exactly after seven years?
It is not like that. It is not about counting years but counting your difference of opinion with your spouse. When you marry, you are absolutely thrilled that you have married the person you ardently love. ‘Nothing could go wrong in our relationship. We are meant for each other and we will live happily ever after.’ Your dreams about your married life blossom and expand in the initial days of your togetherness.
Nothing in life is that easy! Your life undergoes radical changes after you marry. You have many responsibilities and commitments. You want the co-operation of your spouse in dealing with it and feel that he\she is not that committed to family issues.
Certain habits of your spouse exasperate you and you feel edgy when your attitude towards marriage clash with that of your spouse. Instead of taking it as part of life, you make a big deal about it and pick up fights with your spouse.
The routine life you lead is another culprit for your marriage lacking the fire of your early days. Your day to day life is so mundane that there is no freshness in your interaction. You are all tensed up when at home as your mind is always keyed up with worries about the family and also about work related tension. Instead of relieving your pressure, you fume and fight with your spouse as if he\she was the reason for it. ‘He\she uses me and does not value me’. This is the most common complaint you have about your spouse.
Actually what goes wrong in your marriage?
There is nothing wrong with your marriage as it you who assumes everything is wrong with it. You want your spouse to agree to whatever you feel, but you are utterly disappointed when he\she finds it easy to lock horns with you.
You cannot expect the excitement of your early marriage days to last forever. It is very temporary and fleeting. You were excited in each other’s presence because of the newness of your proximity. It was physical attraction that dominates your honeymoon days. But your marriage assumes a new depth of mature love as you spend years of living with your spouse.
Your care free days in the beginning days of your love makes you think that married life will always be breezy, sunny and full of fun and frolic. But when you branch out as family and have children one responsibility after another pile on you. This makes you sulk, brood and crib that your marriage has robbed you of all the pleasures due to you.
How to overcome the seven year’s itch?
- You should never outgrow your spouse.
- You should always communicate.
- You should support and protect each other.
- You should keep your relationship alive and kicking by showing your love in an emphatic way.
- You should plan an outing for the just the two of you.
You should make your marriage mellow and evolve into a true relationship of incredible love and care. Do you think your relationship will strengthen by itself? No, it won’t! Do you like working in a place where your contribution is not valued. You don’t, do you? You want your work and efficiency to be appreciated. The need to be appreciated is very mutual.
When you appreciate even the tiny good things about your spouse, it gives your married life that extra pep to make it extra ordinary. But in reality after a few years of marriage, your interaction with each other gets all serious and invariably pertains to some family issues. You should communicate and communicate constantly with your spouse about anything and everything.
Do not let any problems faced by your spouse as none of your business, as if you do so it creates a sense of aloofness in your relationship. When you spring to the need of your spouse, it makes your love for each other strong and unbreakable.
Observe the good things about your spouse and openly tell him\her how much you like it. When you feel your spouse looking his\her best, your appreciation should make him\her glow with happiness. Making your spouse realize that you acknowledge his\her worthy contribution to the family is very essential for a good married life.
You should occasionally plan an outing for just the both of you so that you spend few days in rediscovering the fire that seemed missing in your life. Forget about your worries and stress and act as though you were lovers whose love for each other will never lose its newness.
Do you ever have the seven year’s itch with your children? You would not dream of it as your love for them deepens as years go by. How come you have seven years itch in your marriage alone? It can be avoided if you view your spouse as someone who makes your life wholesome and not as someone who makes it troublesome.
© 2014 mathira