- Gender and Relationships
How to overcome fear of marriage?
‘Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.’ –Albert Einstein
Does your heart beat race erratically as you say your marriage vows? Do you feel nervous even as you smile at the person you dreamed to marry? Are you doubtful that you are making a mistake in locking yourself in a relationship where in you are not the sole decider of your life? Doubts like these knock at your mind as you tie the knot with your spouse. You are not alone when you experience such uncertain feelings on your wedding day.
Marriage is a life long commitment and it is only natural that you feel apprehensive about it. A woman feels that her husband will dominate her and she shudders with apprehension that she has to bow to his male chauvinistic demands. A man is fearful that his freedom would be snatched by his ever questioning wife.
What are the other common fears you have about marriage?
- You are worried about how you will handle your married life.
- You are concerned about the various commitments that come along with marriage.
- You are afraid that your freedom is gone forever.
- You doubt whether the love you have for each other will last a life time.
These are normal feelings when you enter into a relationship which brings its share of problems along with the happiness you feel when you marry the person you ardently love. It is true that your care free days before marriage is lost forever as many new commitments wait for your contribution after marriage.
Why do you prefer the carefree and aimless life you lead before marriage? Don’t you want to become responsible and chisel your character into fineness which only your marriage can do? You want your life to be breezy and fun filled without any issues clouding it. You want laughter and not seriousness in life!
But there is more to life! Can you live your life alone without companionship in this harsh world? Don’t you want someone to share your ups and downs in life? It is after marriage you understand your life in its proper perspective.
You face problems in all phases of your life, marriage or no marriage! Then why do you feel that it is marriage that plunges you into problems? Before marriage you handled issues in your life all alone, but after marriage your spouse becomes part and parcel of your success and also your failures. He\she becomes an anchor to your troubled mind.
Marriage makes you understand the value of money and teaches you to save money. Otherwise you throw your hard earned money around when you are young and healthy and plunge headlong into financial downfall which makes your old age lack self esteem and self respect.
Your spouse restrains you when you are reckless in spending. It is a wonderful lesson marriage gives you, doesn’t it? You should thank your married life for converting you from an irresponsible person to a responsible person.
During the initial days of your marriage you feel rather stressed when you have to discuss everything with your spouse before deciding anything. Your so- far- self –deciding- mind revolts against the restrictions you suddenly face, but later on you realize it feels good to have someone for whom you care and someone who cares for you.
Your spouse is there to share your fears and emotions which you find difficult to handle all by yourself.
- Don’t you feel protected when you have a warm shoulder to lean on when you are worried?
- Don’t you feel happy when you can share your inner feelings with someone who means the world to you?
- Don’t you feel comfortable that you are not emotionally lonely as your spouse is always there to look after you?
You need emotional support as you age. Your parents or friends cannot give it you and it is your spouse who can make you come under an umbrella of true care and support. Your fears about marriage are unfounded as commitments cannot make you stressed, but worthy. Your freedom does not go away when you marry as it is a beautiful relationship where you understand the true values of life.
© 2014 mathira