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How to trust again - even when you've fallen

Updated on March 9, 2011

Life coaching and trusting again


Life coaching

for me begins with the establishment of trust. Working through issues seems to flow and be much more natural. Not all Life Coaching conversations start out with trust. Trust once lost in a persons life, that apprehension to trust again is carried into new relationship. So why is trust so important in relationships?

TRUST FALL - the ageless game of falling backwards unto and into the arms of a group of people that you may know or you may not know. Its a common icebreaker at events,a simple game to test not only your trust for others but their trust towards you. As I'm sure you've figured out,if you've been alive more than fifteen minutes,its a little more complicated than that. I'd love to be able to do a proverbial trust fall in every tough situation or at the crossroads of every significant life choice to see if others catch me but to be honest I'm not there yet. There is definitely a group of people I would trust to do that with, but I wouldn't just step into a room of strangers and say "HAY CATCH ME - I'M FALLING BACKWARDS - READY ONE TWO THREE..."

Trust is such a huge word that I cant seem to give it enough significance in this little blog. What I'm trying to say is I can't define it in terms that emphasize its importance in my daily life.

I recently spent about a week being my own life coach and I began to go over and define my personal values in ten key areas of life that are most important to me. I found that any category involving people, TRUST or mutual trust was my key value. In other words in order for me to function in or have a meaningful and fulfilling relationship with someone else I need trust. First and foremost. Period. Simply stated I need to trust the individual and I need to feel trusted. Not just one sided trust but mutual trust, a genuine common trust that isn't looking over its shoulder looking for shadows or doubt. It doesn't speculate or think the worst or assume or jump to conclusions. Mutual trust doesn't even think partially bad. In every area from my marriage and children, to my extended family, and even further reaching into my work and social activities, trust was the common thread that tied together all my values.

This was a significant discovery about life for me and I realize why I do some of the things I do and why I react and act a certain way in given situations or emotions or even towards people. Its directly tied to my values in that area. Even an undefined value presents the possibility to motivate me in a certain direction or in a certain reactionary way. Possibly because its not defined or under defined but in any case I still react to that situation or emotion based on the values I have in my heart. Its a compelling answer to the question "why" and its made me make more sense of myself and why I do what I do. Its given me a way of correcting myself and its been a big encouragement to me.

I stopped and thought of the most beautiful people in my life and checked my heart. I spent some time thinking if I was a trusting person. Can my wife and children, family and friends rely on me and trust me? Can they trust my actions and activities when we are apart... can they trust my thought life and my plans... can they trust my hopes and dreams for them and myself... can they trust what I say and do?

I'm not through with thinking about the importance of TRUST, I just wanted to share with you where I was with it today and encourage you to ask yourself a few questions I did - "Whats most important to you in life - what are you values - what defines you?" "What makes you react and act the way you do?" "Do you like it?" "What steps do you need to take to define your values?" "What's for dessert?"

-Todd

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    • saintodd profile image
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      saintodd 6 years ago from Suffolk, VA

      @salt - thanks for the comment. Wow - your transparency is refreshing. Trust is difficult especially in situations like you describe above. Not having support can feel like a barren place. I can relate to what you're saying. Hang in there. You have a great attitude. It's great to connect and see your avatar pop up everywhere.

    • salt profile image

      salt 6 years ago from australia

      Oddly last night I sensed something about someone and felt a sense of fear. As I went to work through that fear, I felt a particular persons energy as if they were saying "they wont believe you." The fear was broken. I understood who was sending the vibration. Im unsure if they were sending it at me or at someone else.

      I also imagined using your trust exercise - having been a carer for someone with mental illness, I imagined doing this exercise with that persons health care team and them and felt that they would happily drop me, yet would all line up for me to catch them. Ummm!! And then probably say it was I that dropped them, not the other way around.

      Hopefully I can walk through this current situation ok. I feel that there is little real support at the moment and many people are blaming me for whatever is going on in their life. So I suppose trust in self and if there is a higher power or goddess somewhere!!!

      Thanks great writing!

    • saintodd profile image
      Author

      saintodd 6 years ago from Suffolk, VA

      Thanks for posting QudsiaP1. Looking forward to connecting and reading more of your hubs.

    • QudsiaP1 profile image

      QudsiaP1 6 years ago

      Very well written. Trust is the foundation to everything.