- Gender and Relationships»
Husbands! Be Faithful to Your Wives!
Support is the intangible sense of the word that is key to a wife's happiness.
Pledge to Her Your Affection
Affection is the great icebreaker. First dates are uneasy until the barrier of affection has been breached, and both parties can relax. Husbands are well past the first date with our wives. We are so comfortable with them that we may use the restroom with the door open while talking to them! We might even help them shave their legs!
We should free ourselves to be affectionate. We gauge what they need on a minute-by-minute basis and provide. Sometimes, the best amount of affection is silence and solitude. You may leave a note on her desk at home or in areas that you know she frequents. You may kiss her on the cheek or rub her feet.
Affection does not have to lead to sex! It is about your wife's sexual needs if affection does, however, lead to more. It is about your wife feeling completed and relaxed. If she allows you to take that affection to intimacy, count it a blessing. It is always about your wife and her needs first, always!
Pledge to Her Your Protection
Protection is what our wives want when they are with us. It is not that they do not have the ability to protect themselves, but women like to feel safe, emotionally safe and physically secure. In Western society, we do not often have to hunt for our food if we don't want to.
Those days have given way to these days where even the least physically capable men can have a chance to live and propagate.
The protection your wife needs is to know that her secrets are safe with you. Her weaknesses are safe with you. She needs the security that nothing you discover that may cause her honor to be in disrepair will leave your possession. She needs that emotional shelter, and you will be that shelter.
She needs physical protection also. Even if your wife can subdue any man physically, she needs arms to hold her and calm her! She needs your presence there to help her feel safe and protected--secure financially.
She wants that support unless she has confided otherwise--even then she may need it unawares. You, we husbands, must be willing to provide it!
I have met and seen some physically and intellectually imposing men. I am sure their spouses do not fear physical accosts or intimidation with these people in tow! These men by size or knowledge protect their wives and ultimately our society from other people who would harm physically and intellectually weaker beings.
With that safeguard in our society, we husbands who lack the stature and intellect on our own must protect our family with security systems, emergency backup accounts, and measures using the knowledge of the great thinkers and doers. If you do this, you are still providing her, your wife, with protection.
Pledge to Her Your Support
Support is the intangible sense of the word that is key to a wife's happiness. For example, she may want to go to school, but you think it is a bad idea, honor her by saying so in kindness, but assisting her if she decides to do it anyway.
Your wife may start dozens of projects and never finish any one! Support her in all of them. Encourage her to be creative and expand her interests and talents. Always be the impetus to her exploration, and she will cherish you for it.
FIDELITY is of the greatest import to our spouses. You must be faithful to your wife physically and emotionally. There is no exception. Death is a better option than breaking the vow to your wife of chastity.
Physical fidelity is very straight-forward.
You are to have no sexual relations with other people than your legally married wife. By sexual relations, that means physical contact that stimulates or produces sexual arousal.
In fact, it means further that you are not to do anything with another person you fear would cause your wife even to consider doubting if the activity in which you engage were mentioned to her. It means you will go to no woman's home alone for any reason without an escort! Extreme? Yes. Some of us need EXTREME to help us.
It also means not to have sex with men, animals or anything or body that is not your wife!
NO OTHER PERSON can share your body with your wife. To give an example, a man having sex with a man is breaking this trust with his wife.
NO OTHER PERSON means just that. It also means no photos or videos. No photos or videos of your wife either! A picture or a video of your wife is still not your wife.
Don't watch pornographic media. Don't self-gratify because it can lead to pornography. Self-gratification is the gateway act for infidelity. Don't explore it.
It may be hard, but we can do it. It is much easier to do if we have waited for marriage to be intimate and never participated in sexually graphic media. Since many of us have not kept ourselves virgin, we can get help to stay clear of these things -- both professional and spiritual.
Emotional Fidelity can be a bit tricky and is best determined by you an your spouse together.
Emotional connections are crucial for every person, but women attach significance to emotional fidelity that they are willing to deal with if we were unfaithful physically that they would not forgive if you were unfaithful emotionally.
Most women tend to be emotionally driven while most men tend to be visually driven. For purposes here, we will let that be the standard.
Your wife should be your best friend. You may have other friends, but your wife should come above them all. When you go and hang with your pals, she should be one of them!
Of course, there are cultural ties we have to other men, but those relationships come second to the friendship we have with our wives.
What I mean by this ultimately without going into detail about everything, is that you must make sure everything at home with your wife is well.
Only then should you be willing to have fun without her. Above all, discuss with her what well means so that you can both be in agreement.
Under no circumstance are we to form relationships with other women we are attracted to physically.
If you feel you must hide a relationship from your wife because it could cause problems, then you have already broken the emotional trust.
End the offending relationship and tell your wife in that order. Seek counseling with your wife --professional counseling.
When there are emotional issues that need working out, always seek help from someone you trust with your relationship as his or her first interest. Your wife should be your best friend. If she is not, make it happen. Marriage is not a light thing to enter into.
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Use Self-Control and Humility
For our wives to be happy, they must know that we will never force or coerce them to do anything they are not comfortable doing. We will use persuasion and entreat them to follow our way using logic however long it takes!
If we convince them to our way of thinking, we then will be ever ready to reassure them without force. Never will we harm them with our hands or scar them with our words.
If we are to have their friendship, we treat them as they are, equals. If we do this, we are more likely to gain their trust and have their support. In fact, I dare say our wives would trust us with their lives because they know we will always consider them the same way we consider our very selves.
Seek this pattern of behavior. It will improve your life! Your spouse will be happier, and your children, if any, will be better off. For many of us, we are far from perfecting our relationship processes, but if we are willing to learn and forgive as we travel the road together as equals, we will be happy in this life. If we are willing, all of us, we can overcome this trend of divorce and provide a better society for the next generation.
What do you think?
If you love your wife as you love your self, you will be happier. Do you agree?
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© 2013 Rodric Johnson