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You Have A Good Life Yet Feel Lonely - Why ?

Updated on May 5, 2017
Phyllis Doyle profile image

Physical and spiritual well being is of great importance to Phyllis. Spirituality is deeply ingrained in Phyllis' life.

Woman walking alone.
Woman walking alone. | Source


You Have a Good Life Yet Feel Lonely - Why? This hub is in response to the question DDE asked. Her question is "Why does one sometimes feel isolated or lonely even though there are people around them?"

Self Love and a Spiritual Path

I did not have to think long about Devika's question, for I have given an answer to many people who asked the same question. I am a spiritual coach/mentor and the question I most often get is: "I have a good life, a good marriage/relationship, lots of friends, yet I am lonely. WHY?"

My answer is always the same. One can be surrounded by people every day, even be in a good marriage - yet the feeling of loneliness stems from the lack of spiritual love and respect for Self. To be one's true self and be fulfilled in life, it is so important to find love for self and to know the right spiritual path for you in life. Each person is unique, so needs to find their own path. The lack of knowing one's self and not feeling love for self, causes a void within - hence the feeling of loneliness stays with that person.

It is important to understand what Self Love is. It is respect, understanding, and acceptance of one's self. When everything about you makes you feel good, that is Self Love.

Go Within

To find love for yourself, it is necessary to go within. Most often, the reply I get to that is, "What do you mean? Go within what?"

Often, that question is not asked in a calm, quiet manner. The people who call me for help are usually frustrated, sad, confused, or even angry - so, it is natural to reply in a manner that reflects their mood and need for help.

In order to help a person in that situation, one must stay calm and have compassion. To go within means to find a place of solitude and calm yourself, relax. Solitude does not mean alone in your room with a bottle of alcohol to drown your sorrow. It simply means to find a place where you can be alone and focus only on you. Relax, get comfortable and let your mind come to a stillness. Let go of all else outside of you. This is all about you.

When all is quiet then listen to the voice of your soul.

Relax and Calm Your Mind

Quiet your mind, let all else outside of you go.
Quiet your mind, let all else outside of you go. | Source

How to Listen to the Voice of Your Soul

To listen to the voice of your soul is to confront your loneliness and get in touch with the feelings this brings up within you.

Ask yourself questions. "Why do I feel alone when I have others around me?", may be the first question you might think of. Quiet your mind when you feel that emptiness and flow with it. What is that void? What causes the emptiness?

Think about the one person you love the most and get in touch with those feelings. Does that fill the deep void within you? It most likely will not if you do not love yourself. Gently push the thoughts of all others out of your mind and focus on yourself.

Is it being selfish to think only of yourself at this time? No - it is not ! If you have no love for yourself, you cannot give fully to the people who are important in your life. If you love who you are then you are giving your loved ones the best you possible.

Love of Self Sends out More Love

Like ripples in water love sends out a message of love.
Like ripples in water love sends out a message of love. | Source

To Give Fully of Yourself

To give fully of yourself to others, you must first give fully to yourself and become the true person you are.

Think about your qualities, the way you treat yourself, the way you care for yourself. Do you have as much compassion for yourself as you do others? Or, do you give, give, give, without leaving anything for yourself?

Do you live the way others want you to live? Or, do you live the way that is right for you? Does all your joy and happiness come from outside yourself -- causing yourself to feel that emptiness? Is it material things that make you happy?

Do you wait for others to praise you and accept you to feel worthy and loved? Do you deeply love others in order to be accepted and loved?

There are so many questions to ask yourself during this time and the list may seem endless. One major question to ask yourself is, "Has anything in my past, or my childhood made me feel unworthy of loving myself?"

Forget not that you are unique and worthy of love.

Forget not thy Self

Forget-Me-Not flowers
Forget-Me-Not flowers | Source

Look at Your Past

Look at your past as deeply as you can. Try to find times when you felt unloved and lonely. Then stay with that till you understand why you felt that way and what feelings it brought up in you.

Look at the person you were at that time when you felt unloved. What did you do? Did you try to be the way someone wanted you to be, so that person would love you? Think about it. If possible, talk out loud about it, as if you are talking to that person who berated you or shunned you.

You have the power to rise above the words of others who criticized you unfairly because they would not, or could not, see and accept you for who you are. It is a healing thing to know that those who try to break you down have some inner turmoil within their own self - rather than accept and confront their own issues, they find satisfaction in making others feel bad.

Stop letting people of the past who tried to break you down continue to have control over you. Even if the one who made you feel bad about yourself is now dead, their words of the past can still control you if you allow it. Let them go, reach out for your own truths and shine forth.

You have more good qualities than you may realize. Open to yourself, like the lotus flower, embrace yourself, love yourself.

Be Like the Sacred Lotus and Open to Yourself

Lotus flower
Lotus flower | Source

Please Watch This Video -- he Says it all

Your Belief System

What is your belief system? Are you religious, have a faith? Are you atheist, agnostic, Buddhist, Christian, Pagan, Jewish, or other religion? Does this faith system fulfill you?

My belief is that nothing will completely fulfill you till you accept and love yourself. When you become all you can be, it is then that your faith, your life and all you surround yourself with will be fulfilling.

Regardless of your beliefs in matters of religion or faith, it is possible to find your own spirituality -- which is your inner belief and faith in yourself. And learning to love yourself for who you are, will open the way for others to love you even more.

When others see you accept and love yourself, you are giving them the gift of your true self and also opening them to their own true self.

We must become the change we want to see.

— Gandhi

Reflection Meditation

Become who you truly are.
Become who you truly are. | Source

Note From Author

Thank you DDE, for asking this question and inspiring me to write this article.

© 2013 Phyllis Doyle Burns


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