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"I'm Gay!" - Advice on Coming Out

Updated on May 25, 2012

Honey, believe me. Your mother knows.

Think about it this way. When you say, "coming out", you aren't telling your mother something she doesn't already know. You're telling her you're ready to talk about it, and her feelings about it.

I do have suggestions for this. Saying it out loud at all is a huge step. You might want to take that first huge step out loud, in a way that's emotionally not filled with the anxiety of your parents. Do you have a friend you could tell first? Someone who loves you unconditionally, that will deal with this very positively. Or, even a causal acquaintance that is gay or very gay friendly. Maybe it's even someone that's given you hints over time that they would be cool with finding out a friend is gay.

You might also want to try a total stranger. I gave this advice in a blog a long time ago, and received wonderful emails from people that took the advice.

One man was buying subway tokens. When the toll taker gave him his change through the window, he leaned in to the speaker and said, "I'm gay." The toll taker said "Congratulations," without even looking up.

One man wrote that he was online at CVS pharmacy, and the old lady with a cane in front of him turned around and said, "This is taking forever."

He said, "I'm gay." She blinked, and looked at him like she was confused. Then she said, "It's good to be lighthearted, you're right. I shouldn't let this line bother me so much."

Of course the best one, and I don't know if it really happened, but I loved the email, was from a man that said he was walking his dog in the park, and a woman was walking her dog nearby. He walked up to her and said, "Excuse me. I'm gay." And her eyes lit up and she said, "Ooh! I have a nephew! He's a dental hygienist!"

Coming out to a stranger is just a suggestion to give the out loud thing a run without too much of the other emotions involved. Obviously, I'm not saying walk up to a construction crew on a lunch break, or the microphone at the republican women's fundraiser. Just pick a little harmless safe-feeling moment where you have no other emotional attachments.

After you technically come out to a friend and/or stranger, and you're ready to do this with your family, my advice is to stop trying to pick the perfect moment. Everybody says they are just waiting for the right time. It's an excuse. There is no wrong time. Just do it.

I can't anticipate the reaction. I can't tell you who's going to accept you and love you for who you are, as it should be. I can't tell you who is going to judge and show that their heart is a godless loveless place.

But I can tell you this: No matter how bad it may be, it is better than living in secret. It is better than not being yourself.

Allow people to know the real you, in truth and light.

If you like this HUB please click the “Thumbs-Up” below just before the comments.


All text is original content by Veronica.

All photos are used with permission.

All videos are used courtesy of Youtube.

Neil Patrick Harris (Doggie Howser, How I Met Your Mother) comes out - on Ellen

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