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Is It Ok For A Woman To Hit A Man?

Updated on May 11, 2012

Woman Hitting A Man...

A very old television show features a husband and wife taking a stroll along the beach.

Out of nowhere a beautiful young woman darts past them wearing a very skimpy bathing suit. The husband smiles and stares at her bottom as it disappears into the ocean. When he turns towards his wife she slaps him across the face.

(Queue the laugh track)

If the same scene were done in reverse with the wife staring at a young stud and her angry husband slapped her across the face there would be no laugh track.

There’s a very popular scene in the movie “Moonstruck” where Nicolas Cage using puppy dog eyes professes his love to Cher who happens to be engaged to his brother.

Cher slaps him across the face and says, “Snap out of it!”

The movie theatre erupts with laughter!

If Nicholas Cage had slapped her back it’s doubtful the scene would have generated the same level of laughter.

Hollywood and our society in general appear to be saying,

If a woman hits a man it’s a comedy.

If a man hits a woman it’s a tragedy.

This double standard not only exists in the entertainment world but also in news events.

When Lorena Bobbit cut off her husband’s penis and drove off eventually throwing his penis out the window on the side of the road…..The late night comedians had joke material for months!
(No one remembers that her husband was acquitted of sexually assaulting her).

Had John cut off one of Lorena’s breast and threw it out of the window my guess is there would not have been as many jokes about that.

During the mid 1970s R&B legend Al Green was taking a bath when a woman he was having a relationship with walked in and tossed a pot of hot grits on his back. The jokes went on for several weeks! In fact some people still jokingly refer to him as Al Grits!

Not only is violence by women against men taken lightly so are their sex crimes.

In recent years there appears to have been an increased number of female teachers having sex with teenage boys. In one such instance Jay Leno remarked on “The Tonight Show”
“Where were these teachers when I was in school?” Laughter filled the room.

Needless to say if a 35-year-old male teacher were arrested for having sex with a 14-year-old girl student very few jokes would be told.

The Chris Brown and Rihanna domestic violence story still remains a hot topic nine months later. Time and time again I have heard various television hosts and radio talk show hosts along with their audiences state the following.....

A man should never put his hands on a woman.”

There is no reason a man should ever hit a woman

If a woman hits a man he should walk away"

Maybe it’s a little unrealistic though to expect a man not to hit a woman back simply because she is a woman.

Police officers, military, and security professionals who are trained to remain calm and to ascertain a situation before taking action often times lose their temper in hostile situations.

Odds are those of us without this type of training would have a more difficult time resisting the urge to strike back.

Retaliation seems to be a natural instinct throughout nature.

I for one would never walk up to a grizzly bear and slap him across the face expecting him to simply walk away. Picking a fight with someone or something bigger than you may not be a smart thing to do.

Maybe it’s the person who has the urge to hit someone should be the person that thinks first and walk away

I am certain most of us would agree domestic violence is truly a horrible thing.

However I think the “anti-hitting sermons” should be applied to both men and women.

No one (male or female) in any relationship deserves to be hit.

This applies not only to heterosexual couples but gay and lesbian couples as well.

A recent article contained some surprising information regarding Domestic Violence.

The most recent large-scale study of DV was conducted by Center for Disease Control and Prevention researchers and published in the American Journal of Public Health.

The study, which surveyed 11,000 men and women, found that according to both men's and women's accounts, 50 percent of the violence in their relationships was reciprocal (involving both parties).

(In those cases, the women were more likely to have been the first to strike.)

Moreover, when the violence was one-sided, both women and men said that women were the perpetrators about 70 percent of the time.”

DV researcher Deborah Capaldi, Ph.D., a social scientist at the Oregon Social Learning Center, told the conference that the most dangerous DV scenario for women is that of reciprocal violence, particularly if that violence is initiated by women.

The best way for many women to be safe is to not initiate violence against their male partners. "

The following link contains more details about the study mentioned above along with one man’s personal story.

It’s been said, “Two wrongs don’t make a right” but it’s also true that
“One wrong does not make a right either.”

A woman has about as much right to hit a man, as a man has to hit a woman.

Whether you are a man or a woman if you are being hit or verbally abused by your mate…. etc
I would say to you “Don’t just walk out of the room. Walk out of their life.”

Life is too short!

Assault Is Assault....

Should men file charges with the police when a woman initates violence?

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    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      John, Thanks for stopping by and posting a comment. Appreciate it!

    • John Serpico profile image

      John Serpico 

      4 years ago

      Well-done. You nailed it.

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      4 years ago

      Danext , Thanks for the vote up! No one should hit anyone period.

      Whenever you follow it with the word (but)....etc it's the same as making an "exception". A woman should (never) hit a man under any circumstances! :-)

    • Danext profile image

      Dan Lema 

      4 years ago from Tanzania

      Very interesting hub.....i completely agree with the points in your doesn't matter who hits who, it's gender violence either way. So if a man finds a woman who physically abuses him constantly, he should definitely walk out of her life because that relationship is no longer healthy....but he should never hit her under any circumstances......voted up/ useful and interesting....great work again dashingscorpio....

    • dashingscorpio profile imageAUTHOR


      8 years ago

      Thank you Sugz and the rest of the hubbers who have commented. I don't think anyone should hit another person unless it's in self defense. And to anyone who does hit someone they should not be "surprised" to be hit back whether they be a woman or a man.

    • sugz profile image


      8 years ago from Quakeville... Christchurch, New Zealand

      it's not ok for anyone to hit anyone, man or woman.. although i have slapped 2 guys in my entire life. and punched one.. which was a reaction of a lifetime of being hit by him, and when i was 22, i ended it forever, no i never killed him.

      my mother was a beaten women, my aunty used to hit our father, he used to hit all of us. my brother now beats his partner, and is angry all the time. i refuse to beleive that what happens in our lives conditions us to follow suit.. it IS easy to break that cycle... it IS easy to NEVER be angry or violent. we are all individuals that have the power to make our own choices.. why be like those who had no desire to change?

      i do know my own strength, and it has scared me. I have never hit my children and people find it difficult to get me riled up to even yell let alone hit. i just simply refuse.

      there's absolutely no reason to hit people, it's a waste of energy and you feel lousy afterwards.

      anger is the first sign of guilt so if someone is being angry enough to hit someone else, they need to take a closer look at themselves first.. count to 10 slowly and walk away!

      hitting is a weapon, it's a major NO NO!

      that old saying.. i'm a lover not a fighter.. should be made a law ;)

    • Woman Of Courage profile image

      Woman Of Courage 

      8 years ago

      No it's not ok for a woman to hit a man. If a woman hit a man once, that does not give him permission to hit her back. I fully understand if the man has to defend himself out of self defense from a woman who is beating on him.

    • christalluna1124 profile image


      9 years ago from Dallas Texas

      I don't think anyone should put their hands on the other unless it is out of love. You would be amazed the number of abused men who never speak out because they are laughed at.

      Regards, chris

    • lindagoffigan profile image


      9 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

      Well researched topic and kudos for the references to creative sources as well as reports. However, a man should not ever hit a woman and rightfully so as the media indicates should walk away if approached by a woman. Why? If you notice and I am in concurrent with the other commenter, women speak with their mouths and men are likely to speak with their fist. That being said women can be provocative but that is not need to take up a fist fight with a member of the physically weaker sex. Men are virile and like a pit bull that has not been neutered will use brute force in an arguement because of the compel to win and the only way he may know how to deal with an unpleasant situation and that is with his fists.

      Women mostly have a gentle nature and the man may be irked by he continually verbal nagging or "mouthing" too much and then of all things will come back at her with his fists. Wouldn't it be better to walk away or to tell her to stop nagging.

      The media do not denote that men should strike a woman back because as you said he should have the good sense to have self control and to walk away from a violent situation. I am not a fan of a man who puts himself on the same physical level of a woman and think that it is alright for him to strike her back. No you may not put your hands on a woman because too many men do and there are too many women right now afraid to leave abusive husbands because of the fear of physical reciprocation. The odds are not even when it comes to domestic violence and that is why the media knows that a slap on the face is a lot different from having lighter fluid thrown in your face as a guest on a recent television show.

    • prettydarkhorse profile image


      9 years ago from US

      hi, my views about physical heating and any other form of abuse is the same, NO, a big NO, once the respect is gone there is no other way to go, good hub!

    • C.V.Rajan profile image


      9 years ago from Kerala, India

      You have an impressive writings style and your article is thought provoking.

      Apart from cases where women physically assault men, we should also think of the "normal" phenomenon -- women have far better developed histrionic capabilities and they can easily hurt a man with their words. Men, unfortunately are not mostly gifted with verbal skills to match the tirades of the women. So they use their unique strength -- physical force to counter the women and men feel such a retaliation is justified.

      I read somewhere that in India many wives reportedly confessed in a survey that they were physically abused by their husbands and many (above 50%)such women reportedly felt that in a way, the men were justified because they only retaliated to the women's verbal assault!



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