It Shouldn't Become An Endurance Contest

Writing during certain periods and stages of one’s life sometimes is difficult. At certain times, when your mind is cranking at 90 miles an hour, it becomes a challenge. Those times may be the best times to put pen to paper because the waters are running at their deepest. Right now I can’t quite get back to the political side of my writing. It will come but in the meantime other events are occurring that make me do a lot of reflection. My Hub about “As If Only In A Dream” has drawn an excellent response and I appreciate all the comments there.

Life, nor a relationship, shouldn’t be an endurance contest but sometimes it seems like it drifts into that. When it does and continues to be, it’s time to do something about it. Many times it is uncomfortable realizing that the inevitability of something is staring you square in your face. When the sadness of the situation can be seen in your eyes when you look in the mirror, please don’t think those around you don’t also see it, even complete strangers.

Bad things sometimes happen to good people. Communication lines break down at some point when enduring raises its ugly little head. All I can say to anyone is don’t shoot the messenger but rather listen and be still. Life indeed can at times be a struggle. That’s part of the game of life but when you’re struggling and on the other end of the rope is someone working at pulling you toward obvious cross purposes, it is time to cut the rope. The game of tug-of-war isn’t what it should be about. I’d much rather have someone helping me pull in the same direction. Me? I have a tendency to let go of the other end of the rope. I don’t even need a knife to cut through it.

I don’t like to argue, not to say I don’t like a little friendly debate. That usually stimulates the brain and makes you see the other person’s point of view. But I can firmly attest that an argument, at least what I have been experiencing, is an emotionally draining experience. Stay with me, I’m going somewhere with this.

I have this little guy I call the gate keeper. Some people think you don’t have a soul. That means that you just “are.” Without going deep into the details, I know I have a soul. I also am very aware when someone attacks that which I am. My soul is a large part of who I am. My gate keeper is the guardian of my soul and we have a way of communicating. It’s okay if you say I’m nuts, but I don’t pay attention to people who think that because I knew what I knew when I knew it. His main task in my life now is to alert me when to trust another and when not to. That’s not to say he can’t be fooled because he has been since he took up sentry duty. He’s usually pretty reliable.

So as the story goes back to the subject of arguments. We all have a past. You can deny it but you also have baggage. That usually consists of the perceived wrongs one suffers through in past relationships that didn’t quite turn out as you expected them to. In my case, that baggage resides in my soul back in the corner somewhere. So you venture out on the limb and start any new relationship. The tendency is, over the course of time, to pull some of that baggage out, dust it off, explain how it has influenced who you have become and then hopefully (a key part of this) is to pack it up and store it back where it belongs - in the past. The past is the past. I like to deal with the present and future.

You trusted that other person with that information that you usually have on close hold. But, and this is a big “but,” you sure don’t expect your significant other, or whatever you care to call him or her, to reach into your soul, pull the baggage out and shake it your face anytime a disagreement occurs. You may be disagreeing about a subject and “viola” - here it comes. I call it a defense mechanism and a psychologist might concur. Here comes the bags into the room and out it all flies. The question then becomes, “Is it really yours or has it become theirs to use as a weapon against you?” I’m just asking…

When faced with that continually happening to you over and over it is all about endurance. How long are you willing to endure the same thing happening over and over to you, done by the same person who supposedly has your best interests at heart? That becomes a toughie. You can either let go of the other end of the rope or keep up the tug-of-war. Which will it be? Is the argument, the same of argument, worth going through time and again, over and over with no successful conclusion ever reached? How long is a reasonable amount of time to endure such a contest?

I’m taking a risk even talking about this. Life is all about risks though. To not do so is to be like a hermit crab. They peek out occasionally to see if it’s safe out there. They then retreat back in their shell hoping for the best. The best is always out there somewhere if you risk a part of yourself to find it. I’m not as trusting now as I have been in the past. When you step out on that limb, you don’t expect someone with the saw to pull it out and hack it off. It does happen. So you pick your nasty little self up, brush yourself off and keep going. It’s called never giving up. But enduring? I don’t think so…