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It's Ok For A Man To Cry: Don't Tell Me To suck It Up And Be A Man!

Updated on March 2, 2017
Juliet Stewart profile image

Juliet Austin- Is a retired Rehabilitation Counselor, her writing attempts to address issues most Families experience.

What Every Man Needs To Know About Abuse.

Every relationship has it's up's and downs. The value of each one is dependent on each individual. People will be deceitful in their attempt to manipulate and hide their true intent. They place value on things, Money, expensive gift's, socializing with Friends; over love and Family obligations.

Knowing yourself, and being honest enough to tell your partner your needs and or wants, your idea of Family, Religion, Children, and financial obligation, prior to getting involved is vitally important. It's often times due to Lies, pretenses, immaturity that a lot of Marriages fail. When you make a commitment to someone to forsake all others as a Marriage vow indicates. It should be taken seriously. I raised my Daughter and my Son's to believe in the sanctity of their Marriage vows. What I forgot to tell my Young Men however is: Some Women are not equipped to give or receive love.

In a Society that is newly spreading its wings as it relates to equal rights, whereby Women are demanding, to be recognized as equals, in all things, it's not too far a stretch to, demand that Men be recognized and reap the benefits also. It's high time we exposed the fact that there are Men who have suffered abuse at the hands of their Female Counterpart.

Society places a great burden on Men, from early Childhood we socialize them to be emotionally strong, we often times teach them that pain should be endured and tears are not acceptable. Then we socialize Women to be the exact opposite, it's an antiquated sexist view, which allows for discrimination of both sexes.




What Are Little Boy's Made Of?

Gender Roles

From Birth until maturity Girls are taught that their role within the Family structure is that of a care giver. We teach them that it's ok to cry, to show emotions when they hurt, we teach Girls to mimic the role of Mothers by providing them with dolls to hug, cuddle, feed, and rock to sleep. We further injury and fit them into a stereotypical mold by fashioning doll houses equipped with e-z bake ovens, and look on proudly as they coo and practice caring for their imagined future Family.

I've split worst places on my lip and never quit whistling, is a saying that is popular in the Midwest. This exemplifies how the Male Offspring has been prepared for Manhood. Boys are allowed to battle imaginary dangers, fighting evil with the masculine essence of what a real Man should be, G.I. Joe, and his Military counterparts; all in the Military vehicle the Armed forces could only dream of. They climb trees skin knees, break bones and are expected to suffer the pain without shedding a tear so as not to give the impression of being weak.

Over the last sixty Years, we have seen a paradigm shift, the Feminist movement has given way to more Women seeking employment in areas that traditionally, was deemed inappropriate because of Gender. Along with that change, we also see a rise in More Women obtaining College Education and being the Primary Financial Provider.

While it's true that Women are indeed just as capable as a Man. We still in most cases are expected to maintain the household and care for the Family.

Men too have reaped the benefit of the Feminist Movement, Job's that they otherwise may have been overlooked for because of the stigmatization of being Gender specific; is now open to Men who are qualified. It is still premature to think that with this advantage comes the loss of stereotype, in fact, Men are still subject more so than Women, to being criticized for working in a profession that has been viewed as "Woman's work".

According to Tom Head, the women's liberation movement..., began after World War II. As 16 million American men went off to fight, women essentially took over maintenance of the U.S. economy. Some six million women recruited to work in military factories, producing munitions and other military goods, were symbolized by the War Department's "Rosie the Riveter..., When the war was over, it became clear that American women could work just as hard and effectively as American men".

It wasn't until the Mid-sixties that Women really started being empowered, prior to that they were treated as property, Women were forced to play the role of the debutante if one was Financially endowed, otherwise, A Woman's only expectation involved Secretarial School, being a Nanny, or gasp! A homemaker or housekeeper. the sexual revolution opens the door further for Women to embrace their freedoms. They could without having to Marry own Property and in some cases raised their Children without the benefit of Marriage.

Some would argue that the slow decline in Women wanting to be Homemakers, is a direct result of the Feminist Movement. The same group would probably also say the decline of the Female staying home has led to the Children, being involved in criminal activities, and to the abuse of Power that we are now faced with.

Gender Biases Psychosocial Implications:

a. Gender is defined by Merriam-Webster Psychology dictionary is1: sex 1. 2: the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex.

b. Bias- Is a preconceived notion or opinion that prevents an individual from evaluating or Judging facts presented. In essence prejudice.

Gender bias then is the treatment with preference, of an Individual; based on sexual Orientation. (Male/Female).


Women Can Be Abusive And Callous Also.

It's become more prevalent in recent Years, the abuse Men can and do suffer at the hands of Women. Although it is not a recent action. Because we tended to ridicule Men who came forward, as being abuse Victims, Men were often times not willing to report abuse. This is due to the male belief that their sexuality would be questioned, and the appearance of weakness is not one any Male welcomes. They often times are ridiculed by Family, Friends and even the Media. After all, the Woman being the weaker sex could easily be manipulated Physically.

The double standard we expect also projects Women as the gentle, subservient type, who wouldn't hurt a fly. Oh, but they do! The little Woman, against the big Guy, can inflict harm, especially if her Partner/Husband has been socialized not to hit or harm a Woman.

Why Women Abuse Their Partners.

Just as it is with Men who abuse Women, there is no reasons typecast in stone, Women who abuse do it for a variety of reasons. The main reason as with any abuse is to gain power emotionally, of their Partners. "Abuse, violence and lying are behaviors chosen by abusive women to cause emotional damage and worry and fear. These women are often promiscuous, selfish, and narcissistic. So they use their moods, rages, and impulses to control people around her and she cannot be satisfied until all others come to admire her. Then these women choose deceit, fury, and assault to get their own way and then they revel in the addicting exhilarating emotional unrest that they have created. In doing that, she presents a false image of herself to conceal her true character; she is addicted to her own personality and feeds on the emotions of others, for she is a narcissist who is in love with herself. So these women will lie, connive, and extort to get their own way". Abusive And Violent Women In A Relationship,(2014) Edward Nunez

Female who are abusive typically are overly jealous or are the primary breadwinners. They tend to try to control their partner by withholding affection, they will use Tears and unlike their Male counterparts, who give gifts, the Female Narcissist, uses sex, as a way to get her Partner to conform to her wishes.


Statistical Information on Female to Male abuse

According to of U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau Justice Statistics, there are a reported 960,000 cases of domestic abuse each Year, out of that percentage, 15% have been Men, although the incidence for Women still remains greater, totaling 85%, there is no denying that Men have also been victims of domestic abuse, the numbers may be greater for Women, however as was indicated earlier Men are reluctant to take the initial step to report abuse.

The same study also sheds light on the fact that 1 Male to every 3 Female, is murdered while in a domestic Partnership.

The best solution often times is to a difficult one for anyone to make. Walk away, love yourself enough to let go, and find happiness. No, you won't die, nor will your World come to an end if you Divorce. In fact, you die a little each time if you continue to hold on to or enable any form of abuse to continue.

When you decide to let go, do so with the knowledge, that everyone has different priorities. Always try to maintain a level of communication/Friendship, if there are Children involved. If the connection cannot be maintained, then let go as civilly as possible.

Filing An Order of Protection: A temporary Order of Protection lasting up to 5 Day's will be given, once a report has been filed with the Local Police Dept. It cannot guarantee safety, however, it will give the Officers information, on how to proceed should a call be generated by the Victim, regarding further abuse. Investigators along with a Victim Advocate will provide a safety assessment outline and review a detailed safety plan for you. They will provide you with names and numbers of appropriate police personnel, community advocates, and domestic violence shelters as well as give you a packet that will assist you in tracking any threats, unusual phone calls, vandalism or any other forms of harassment which should be reported to law enforcement right away.

It may be necessary sometimes for the victim of abuse to formally file an order of protection, the first step is to notify the Police Department if you feel your life is in immediate danger. A Victims Advocate will give you the information necessary fro following up your claim by appearing in Court and requesting an Order Of Protection.

Reference:

Abusive And Violent Women In A Relationship, (2014) Edward Nunez

Feminism In The United States, Tom Head http://civilliberty.about.com/od/gendersexuality/tp/History-of-Feminism.htm

U.S. Department of Justice, Bureau Justice Statistics.

According to U.S. Department of Statistics

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