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Overcoming Jealousy What Makes Us Jealous

Updated on December 10, 2013

We’ve all had one form of it at one time or another. We see someone flirting with our significant other and the horns sprout and we see green. Okay, maybe not that drastic unless you are the Hulk but some of us suffer it’s affects more than others.

Why are we jealous? What is jealousy, really?

Jealousy: that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive.
Henry Ellis

A little jealousy is normal and understandable but sometimes we take it too far.

Why We Are Jealous

Feelings of inadequacy: Some feel they wouldn’t be able to find another love or one as great if the current one left them for someone else. Those who suffer are basically insecure. They fear being left by the person they love most and see anyone or anything that might come between them as potential wedges that might drive them apart.

Loving too much: Yes you can love a person too much. I don’t mean you should be indifferent and not care about anyone else but when you make your significant other the only reason you draw breath there is a problem.

Possessive Personality: Also known as control freaks. They think of people as possessions to be ruled over and manipulated. If you are in a relationship with these people they monopolize your actions and in some cases won’t allow you to see your family or have any friends without their supervision. Many are abusive as well.

Financial support: If you cannot provide for yourself without your significant other then you need to change that. There are lots of ways to be gainfully employed even in the toughest of times.

Caging The Green Eyed Monster

Once you’ve worked out the reasons for your jealousy it helps you figure out what you need to improve on. When those feelings start brewing inside you take a deep breath and restart your mental computer. Realize that even if he may fantasize about other women it is you he comes home to every night and you who holds his heart.

You need to work on your discrepancies so that you feel better about yourself. If you are overweight you know what to do. Work on your assets and don’t worry about the things you cannot change.

You have to bring yourself to a place where you feel peace and can live without worry of losing that person.

Think about it; would you really want to be with her if she decided she no longer wanted to be with you? Sometimes being too clingy and overly possessive is just the thing that drives them into the arms of another person.

Work out the worst-case scenarios in your mind. So what would you do if John left you for Mary? If he were truly diddling with her on the side you probably wouldn’t want him back anyway--- so you move on.

Making a person your whole life is not healthy. You need to be your own person. Not only for your jealousy issues but what if something happened to them and they passed away? You can’t do anything about that so you need to deal with these possibilities internally before they happen.


There are millions of people in this world and if one leaves you there are millions more out there you can meet.

Learn to enjoy your own company. Being alone is not a bad thing and I think some of us either don’t enjoy solitude or simply don’t know how to entertain ourselves. Being alone, at least some of the time is the best way to get to understand “me.”

Most murder-suicides are committed by men, most are due to a pending separation or divorce. He can’t handle losing her. Granted, these men have more going on than jealousy but that is the key element in this crime.

There are people who have their lovers watched. They put bugs in their cell phones, track computer usage and hire private investigators. These people are truly paranoid. Personally, I wouldn’t want a husband or lover I couldn’t trust. If you are that worried about their behavior and actions then you need to move on.

Don’t be a control freak. Let your partner live their life while you live yours. Even though you are two halves of a whole you still have to be individuals.

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    • Pamela N Red profile imageAUTHOR

      Pamela N Red 

      7 years ago from Oklahoma

      Thanks for reading, V Kumar.

    • V Kumar profile image

      V Kumar 

      7 years ago

      Nicely put. Thanks.

    • Pamela N Red profile imageAUTHOR

      Pamela N Red 

      7 years ago from Oklahoma

      Jealousy is a normal part of human nature but it can take over and become overwhelming if allow it.

      Thanks for reading, Mentalist acer.

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 

      7 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      I've unfortunatlly been caught-up inbetween destructive relationships predicated by blind jealousy that did not turn out well...if children are involved intervention is nessessary.;)

    • Pamela N Red profile imageAUTHOR

      Pamela N Red 

      7 years ago from Oklahoma

      Being a possessive controlling personality falls into this category.

      Thanks for your input.

    • Cagsil profile image

      Cagsil 

      7 years ago from USA or America

      Interesting Hub you've written and some of it I do agree with. However, I would like to point out that Jealousy is a selfish trait, which you do not mention. Jealousy is all about the individual who is having the feelings. It would be best to recognize it, before an explosion happens. The only way to do that is to truly understand yourself(everything you think and feel). I've written a hub myself on Jealousy and I can honestly admit I do not get jealous because it's a very destructive trait that ruins relationships, either with family or friends or even lovers. It comes down to character really. It truly depends on the character of a person. :)

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