Key Elements of a Successful Relationship (Part 3)

Relationships are what define us as humans. It is the glue that holds us together as a society. There are different types of relationships. We share relationships with our parents, children, life partners, friends, siblings, and colleagues

In my previous article, I spoke about five elements. They are - paying attention, the gift of time, efforts, problem solving and the value of a relationship. In this article, I will be covering four more important elements. I hope you find this useful.

Problem

People often believe that they need to have similar opinions with the people they love. But due to the exposure in today's world, that is close to impossible. Every individual has his/her own ideas of politics, lifestyle choices, society etc. People also define factors like happiness and success differently. The problem is that people are not willing to understand or respect each other's opinion.

Solution

You might have a really good bond with a person. But that doesn't give you the right to impose your views on them. You can have healthy discussions and debates. But it is important to find a way to coexist with people who have opposing views. This will help in widening your perspective. Having close relationships only with people who share your opinions, gives you a very narrow view of the world. Hence, your ability to agree to disagree will greatly improve your relationships. It will also make you a much better individual.

Problem

A major mistake people make in relationships is assuming what the other person thinks. They also assume that the other person knows what they are thinking. Nobody has the ability to read your mind. So it is your responsibility to communicate what you want. Not being open about something and expecting the other person to automatically understand is highly impractical.

Consequences

Due to this, both the people are not on the same page in various matters. Eventually, you develop a completely distorted image of the person based on your assumptions. This type of image can be good or bad. But it surely can't be true. Things go south when you realise that your assumptions are wrong. So you blame the person for having changed. But in reality, it is your fault for not putting in the efforts to gain clarity on things.

Solution

Hence, it is important to clearly communicate everything to the other person. Ask instead of assuming and you will avoid so many misunderstandings.

Problem

Possessiveness in a relationship is the deep need to hold on to a person for himself or herself only. It is born out of insecurity. It can also be due to a lack of trust. It gives rise to jealousy and hate. It can also potentially destroy a relationship. It is a trait mainly observed between romantic partners. However, it can be observed across all the other kinds of relationships as well.

Solution

It is acceptable to desire a close relationship with someone. But what is not acceptable, is expecting the person to have a close relationship only with you. The person will naturally meet a lot of new people and form new relationships. It is important to learn to accept this. Make sure that you wholeheartedly give 100% in your relationship. The rest doesn't matter.

Problem

It is important to recognise that a relationship is a very small part of one's life. There are so many elements of one's life that are outside the relationship. Career, ambitions, hobbies, and dreams are some of the popular ones. The person also has an identity outside the relationship. For example, the only identity a person has is not that he's X's son or that she's Y's wife. But people try to force others to conform to the identity their relationship gives them

Example

This is very commonly seen among parents and children. Parents often tend to force their dreams and ambitions on their children. They expect their son / daughter to behave in a certain way. They believe that their reputation is tied to that. But this is a very selfish expectation. They are worried more about their image in society. Such thinking is seriously harmful to the relationship.

Solution

People are identified by various other things that they pursue in life. Hence, It is important to respect the life and identity one has outside your relationship.

The above mentioned aspects are not popular. So, they often go unnoticed. But they are essential for the success of your relationships. Understand them well and apply them in your life. You will definitely notice a significant improvement in your relationships.