- Gender and Relationships
Keys To Finding Your Purpose In Life Through Experience and Empathy
Way of a Purposeful Life After Divorce
When You Feel You Are About To Burst It's Time To Change
There IS Life After Divorce.
And here is how you find your purpose again:
There is a saying, "People only change when the pain NOT to change, EXCEEDS the pain to change."
Let's say that again. "People only change when the pain NOT to change, EXCEEDS the pain to change."
Everybody is wired differently. What motivates me will not motivate you. What standards I have for my own life will be entirely different from yours. In fact, the very reason why I have dedicated some of my life to coaching others to find their own brilliance has its own motivations. Some people would never consider doing this.
However, there are moments in life where all of your feelings of desperation surface, boiling to the top. You cannot help it. Things MUST change.
Some people can temper this feeling because they have obligations to children or to a husband or wife. They cannot leave. They cannot run. Their finances will not allow them to take any significant time off work in order to find themselves.
And this can be especially difficult after divorce. Often we are faced with this glaringly obvious dilemma that we have come to the end of the road. Our journey to this point has ended and you cannot turn back. This is where we feel backed into that corner. No way forward, no way back.
And this overpowering feeling bubbles to the surface that you cannot ignore. You continue to go to work day in, day out to pay the bills, but you cannot see any purpose outside of that. Feeding children, paying the mortgage or rent, the odd night out at the movies and one night of sport, maybe, has become your whole purpose. It feels as though these menial activities is all you have to look forward to.
It's not your fault. This is society in general. The system is built to create financial slaves and ensure you don't stray too much from your home.
But in essence this is what is driving up suicide rates, crime rates, divorce rates and the number of people on medication for depression.
There is a solution to it.
Quite often, when we feel stuck and cornered, our brains become scattered. People with entrepreneurial minds, for example, become scattered in spending their time on useless, unproductive pursuits, such as the next big thing or some new network marketing scheme. Countless hours are wasted and very little profit is created. The only result is that they have used up precious hours being busy, not being productive.
As you feel that deep feeling, building inside you, it is telling you that your life MUST change. But at the same time, this feeling can prove very destructive. People who have acted on a destructive impulse have sold everything they own and have just left their life behind. And many times this has not served them in their old age.
As that feeling builds, channel your mind into just one or two focused tasks that will allow your life to change. Be patient.
For example, if you are now single, from a painful divorce and in learning how to divorce, you may come to the conclusion that life CAN be exciting again if only you focus your mind on just one task at a a time.
This means that if you are earning your degree, earn that degree before adding another task to your pressured life.
Allow that feeling to be positive. It will feel a great struggle, feeling that things are not happening for you fast enough. But what is fast enough? What are you comparing the speed of life to?
Change will occur. I personally gear any decisions I make to allow simple, unified outcomes to push me in a better direction, than a complete overhaul that proves destructive.
Take a deep breath each time situations overwhelm you. Remember that your one task is simply the first step to the next step.
People who try to do too much at once end up doing nothing at all.
Finding Purpose First Proposes Great Confusion
Appreciating Who You Have In Your Life
Do you ever feel sick of the people in your life? A partner? A nagging parent?
Sometimes we feela lack of contentment in life that we blame the people who helped make us who we are. But you must remember that they CHOOSE to spent their own valuable time with you. Those people are willing to be in your life and allow you to be in theirs.
Ahhh yes.... did you consider that other people have lives too? There are people in your life who only tolerate you because they love you. But as far as wanting to feed off your positive energy, this may be a far cry from reality.
You may feel that many people in your life are a pain in the backside, but did you ever consider how valuable those people are to your wellbeing?
Think about your nagging mother. Think about your competitive brother, or your overly-worrying sister. Think about your friend you constantly complain to about your relationship. In fact, think of that person who has CHOSEN YOU to love.
You can sit and complain about people you want to avoid calling and find their conversations painful. But let us be honest. If they were no longer available to call, how desperate would you become?
Wanting to run from the lives we have created to find a 'greater purpose' is often destructive and defeating. Purpose is about patience.
Think about all of the "friends" you have on Facebook. We think we are all so different from each other, but we are so completely entwined in our beliefs and similarities, yet we believe we are still disconnected.
A lesson that was so valuable in my life was one of empathy. When I constantly reminded myself to have deeper empathy for the person I was speaking with, to try to understand the meaning behind their actions, I found that I had such a great appreciation of them in my life. By connecting on a level of empathy, my relationships actually became closer, not more separate.
Now I am not saying there have not been people I have actively removed from my life or I have refused to welcome back into my life. There are some people who are inherently destructive because they have not evolved themselves and their thinking. They lack empathy and act in tragic ways that brings them to an eventual demise. And it is these people who will drag you down if you keep them there with you.
Some people are very offtrack with their morality and they have extremely selfish motives, regardless of who they damage to achieve these ends.
But mostly, we lose our appreciation of those who love us and have enabled us to achieve our current life goals.
Lonely people are disconnected people.
Take a look at your close circle of family and friendship. Who have you neglected? Who have you dropped the ball with?
It is not to say you don't have room for more amazing people in your life, but your failure to appreciate who you have is probably causing you great distress, making you feel lost, not allowing you to see your obvious options to a new life path.
Ideas Come When You Relax and Reflect
Finding Purpose Is Not a Race
I have coached so many people who come to me, frantic, feeling like time is running out.
I ask them to elaborate, to which they reply, "It's just running out! I have so much to do! And it's...just...running out!"
They also believe they are being left behind, not getting ahead, are stuck in a hole, on a downward spiral and all other kinds of crazy, negative metaphors.
I have met several clients, for example who spent several years married, but are now divorced, lonely and never invested in children. They feel those years married were a waste, because the investment yielded no long term benefits.
Well, for women, there is a ticking body clock and if having children is a priority, it is better to do this in the late 20's or very early 30's at the latest. But for a man, there is more time.
One problem that exists in the eyes of men is that, regardless of their virility well into old age, they can often be seen as a bad option because the woman feels he may be too old to be a father. So a childless man can still have challenges.
It brings me to this issue of people believing that finding purpose is a race and that time is running out.
You can place your world into four areas
To keep it simple, each one of these above issues should be kept in a positive flow as an overall plan. So if the relationships are lacking, be sure that your wealth is higher or you are advancing in your wealth or experiences.
If you are failing to have experiences in life abundantly, then a greater concentration on wealth should be your key. But there is a deep lack of satisfaction when you have all of these experiences alone.
It really is that simple.
So how do you locate purpose inside of these boundaries?
Well, life should be a game whereby you come out feeling the entire experience was beautiful, as opposed to the millions of people who die with regret. And so here is just one purpose and proves that finding purpose is not a race.
Simplified, you live a life whereby you value your love and empathy for others, you ensure that your most amazing experiences are had with somebody you care deeply for, so that you have memories to share and you understand that no man or woman ever wished they could work an extra day. yet some of your best experiences will be experienced alone. Don't wait for others to go with you when you want to go.
And so, you learn that working smarter, hacking life to find fast ways to complete painful tasks becomes another purpose for living. And then teaching these lessons to others becomes your purpose.
Experience, share, care deeply and look for the experiences and lessons in all situations. This is your life. And life is NOT a race. Each man and woman can lose their fortune, friends, and health. Those who feel you are ahead of you can and will fall by the way side.
And we all die in our own time. Some tragically, Some through a long, long life. And some through an extremely happy experience. Don't race there. Take your time. That is a purpose. To slow down and experience moments of time that you would normally skip over trying to get to your next destination.
Money is Nothing. Experience and Empathy is EVERYTHING
Movies That Will Remind You of The Purpose of Life
50 First Dates
Ground Hog Day
The Motocycle Diaries
The Peaceful Warrior
The Bucket List
Pay It Forward