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Latest dating adventures

Updated on July 29, 2012

My newest hard earned lessons.

My newest dating adventure was one of progress and learning all wrapped up in one big lesson. I have had a series of really bad single dates that never progressed to even a second date. I really thought that I was cursed to never make it past three dates ever again, until this past Spring that is.

My daughter had been telling me that a man who came into the restaurant she worked might be someone I might want to meet as we had similar interests. Of course she moved to California and then he contacts me for coffee. I met him for coffee at the little local restaurant who formerly employed my daughter.

I have nicknamed this new man "the rock climber", as that is what he has done for years.

We hung around for almost a month, went out to eat, movies, art shows and short hikes. He finally kissed me one evening and took me by surprise, which probably was a good thing as I didn't brace myself for anything further.

We started to date and it was the easiest relationship I had ever been in. We could laugh and enjoy one anothers company effortlessly. We actually talked endlessly about all our fears about relationships and agreed to be kind to one another in the process always.

After months of dating and having more fun dating than I ever have had he sent me an email saying he wanted to change the status of our relationship. He wanted to be my friend and remain close as he was emotionally drained with caring for his chronically ill mother. She has congestive heart failure and just had an difibulator and pacemaker implanted.

This is where I found the major codependency issues rear their ugly head. He truly believes he needs to do it all and ask for no help with anything in his life. He is caring for her completely as she is helpless. He is also running a business, along with watching his father get a bit crazy and out of hand.

I did understand his decision but was not happy the way he chose to tell me. I actually made him sit down with me to discuss this for closure. It was not easy but I got to say just that and wish him well. It has been difficult but a huge lesson to watch for men who don't know how to accept help or support of any kind.

The new term for this type of behavior is counter-dependence. It comes from dysfunctional place and is all they know how to do. I offered to help walk through looking at this issue but he didn't see it as a problem and chose not to do anything different, thus we parted ways.

It is hard to be in the dating world these days and even harder to find emotionally healthy people to do relationship with. I'm not perfect but I am working on each and every issue that rears it's ugly head.

I am grateful I found out this early what his coping skill was or was not and did not get in further than I did. It could have been so much worse had we had been together for years. Once again life is interesting in the dating world.

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