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Love After the Honeymoon Period

Updated on May 26, 2018
Sara Stietz profile image

Sara met the father of her fur kids on Tinder but please don't tell her mother.

After the Honeymoon

New relationships are undeniably exciting. Hormones are raging and every 'first' with your new boo is better than ever before. Kisses are passionate and dates are extravagant. Life is full of flowers, for no reason, and 'good morning, beautiful' texts. Nothing stays new forever though and relationships are no exception to that rule. You haven't called him 'your boo' in months and he mumbles good morning while scratching his butt on the way to the bathroom. Realizing how far you have fallen is sad, or is it? Reaching absolute comfort with one another is the best. All you have to do is pay attention to see that you show each other love more now than ever before.

Love Longterm

You have likely heard that 'Love is an action, not a feeling'. I think love is more complex than that. Love is in the uncalculated actions that become habits after deep feelings have formed. Buying flowers or meticulously grooming for a date are calculated actions. These actions are meant to attract one another like a peacock fanning his feathers for the ladies. Being wooed is a wonderful feeling that makes us feel special and wanted. Fast forward a year or five and the actions are no longer designed to impress...this is when love shines through. When we are so connected to the other that most actions are taken with them in mind, without thinking about it. Right now, as I sit here writing this, with each glance up from the screen I see my love sitting in his sweats playing video games and I feel affection deep within myself for this man. These feelings, subconsciously, affect our actions.

For instance...

My partner and I always lock each other in our apartment when we leave. This act seems meaningless, but deep down I think it is an act of protection. Hearing that click of the deadbolt tells me he cares about my safety.

Cooking is a normal part of life for most and as a single person we prepare meals to our own taste. Cooking for your significant other changes that. If your partner prefers more spice, I am willing to bet you season with a heavier hand. Taking the preference of another into consideration is a small act that puts your partner before yourself...another act of love.

Adults are tired. All. The. Time. Odds are both of you are tired when the alarm rings or the first kid cries. In my house it is not uncommon for the dog to burst into the room right before any alarms go off...his internal clock is astoundingly accurate. Usually I get up and take care of him because his comfort is more important to me than my own but, occasionally I wake up two hours later than usual to the smell of coffee wafting under the closed door. On these mornings my partner has quietly gotten out of bed at the first sign of the dog and left me to get much needed rest. He recognizes my insomnia has been bad and I am exhausted without me saying a word. He loves me enough to let me sleep, take care of the pets, and make coffee (the way I like it)...even though he is tired too.





The Happily Ever After

Happiness is a choice. Happily ever after is for couples who choose to be happy with one another. Over and over again. Every day. There is no magical formula. Flowers and fancy nights out have their place in keeping the romance alive, but grand gestures will not make anyone happy forever.

Feeling unloved or underappreciated? Take a few days to really watch your partner. Really look for small acts of love. Don't see the baking dish put away in the wrong place, instead, see that they put the dishes away at all. Watch yourself. Are you acting in the interest of them? A simple kiss and "How was your day?" when you come home each day is a showing of love. Make the coffee how they like it tomorrow and see how it makes their day better.

Keep doing things for your partner and they will reciprocate. Love is a decision made every morning. Love is an action throughout every day. Love is a feeling that does not go away.

Share the Love

How do you show love to your partner? How do they make you feel loved? Let us know in the comments. Happily ever after is a long time and ideas are always welcome!

Comments

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    • Dr Billy Kidd profile image

      Dr Billy Kidd 

      4 months ago from Sydney, Australia

      Thank you for explaining love as the actions feelings propel!

      I like thinking of wives and husbands as "partners," not as "significant others." I've been hearing that for years so it's not a reflection on your writing. Just my pet peeve!

      OH YES, HAPPINESS IS AN ATTITUDE. PEOPLE CAN CHOOSE TO HAVE IT! IT'S A DECISION!

    • Sara Stietz profile imageAUTHOR

      Sara Stietz 

      4 months ago from Columbus

      Haha...I knew that particular line would come back to bite me. I meant more along the lines of still feeling love even in a 'rut' or hard times. I have a pretty strict rule about saying I love you before ending an argument because even if 'I don't like you at the moment...I do love you'.

      Also, super valid points and I agree with them all. I guess I am talking about when couples who have met all of the criteria you mentioned and things have gotten stale. When we spend time getting jealous of couples on social media who seem to have a better relationship than we do. We all want to love and feel loved. We also want to feel appreciated. I think those feelings are linked.

      Also, I like the quote you chose to end with. My relationship goal is to never be so exciting that other couples discuss us at the dinner table ;)

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      4 months ago

      "Love is a feeling that does not go away." That's debatable! :)

      Truth is {love} like beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

      Each of has our own idea of what love is suppose to feel like, look like, and how couples "in love" should act like.

      Ultimately everyone is looking for someone to love them (the way) {they} want to be loved. If a person doesn't "feel loved" it really does not matter what is in their mate's heart.

      Each of us (chooses) our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process and "must haves" list.

      Each of us has our own boundaries and "deal breakers".

      The goal is to find someone who shares your same values, wants the same things for the relationship that you do, naturally agrees with you on how to obtain those things, and last but not least have a mutual depth of love and desire for one another.

      Compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      The (choice) is up to us. Choose wisely!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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