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Love Me, Because I Need You
When he has worked on his healing, he has the masculine energy to be lovingly supportive, assertive and he is not afraid of his emotions. When she has worked on her healing, she has the feminine energy to inspire, affirm and she is not afraid of her vulnerabilities. Together they make one hell of a team, because she becomes his weakness and he becomes her strength. This is not to tear each other down, but to build each other up. Together they can do anything and they can love one another from a place of divine essence and not the conditioned ego ~ Yonnie 8/11/16
You Feel Loved, And He Feels Needed
Yes, a woman needs to feel loved and a man loves to feel needed, but how do we express this properly so he feels needed and she feels loved? That is a very good question and when I originally wrote this article in July of 2016, I thought I understood what these eleven words were saying. Six months later, I realize I may never understand the true meaning behind these eleven words.
Miriam Webster defines the word need as:
(n) a lack of something requisite, desirable or useful.
(v) to be in want
NEED also equates to WANT or DESIRE! If we were to look at these eleven words again and replace the word NEED with WANT or DESIRE, we may have a different perspective on what these words mean.
“WOMEN WANT/DESIRE TO FEEL LOVED AND MEN LOVE TO FEEL WANTED/DESIRED”
When we have been taught to believe that a woman was only created to be a helper to a man, we tend to believe that men are superior and women are inferior. If we are both souls from the beginning of time, how is one created to be greater than the other? It’s not possible, and because we are all souls, we were created together as equals to help each other mutually. We both want mutual respect, encouragement, support, appreciation, love and we both need to feel wanted and desired by each other. This is what I think these eleven words mean, we are not different from each other except for our differences and the labels which have been placed upon us. In saying this, I think for a woman to feel loved by her man she needs to feel wanted and desired and for a man to feel needed by his woman he loves to feel wanted and desired. So where did we become disconnected from one another?
A man from the time he is born is told not to show emotions or express his feelings because that would make him appear weak. A woman is told when she is vulnerable to a man then she appears clingy and needy. This sends us through a vicious cycle of covering up our true feelings for the ones we want and desire the most. We are souls and our souls at the core are love, joy, peace, happiness and compassion. When we are told to hide our true feelings I believe this creates insecurities in us, because insecurities create a lack of confidence in who we really are. When we are raw in our truth our energy is felt and we become more real and more relatable to others. If we are constantly hiding behind who we are, then we can never have the relationship we desire.
If you arrived with insecurities to a relationship, then most likely you will leave that relationship with the same insecurities you arrived with. We all have baggage we bring into any relationship. If we want to have and cultivate a healthy relationship, we should unpack the baggage and get to the root of our insecurities before we enter a relationship. Yes, there will be triggers, but when you have worked on your healing you know how to deal with those triggers when they arise. When we show up incomplete to a relationship we are looking for our partner to fill a void within us we should fill ourselves before showing up. When you are a whole and complete man/woman you don't place unreasonable expectations on the other person to live up too.
When you are a whole and complete man/woman on your own, you can love another for who they are because you love you for who you are. When you are a whole and complete man/woman on your own, you live more from your heart/soul space instead of your mind/ego. When you are whole and complete on your own you can express your emotions properly and you are not afraid to let your man/woman know that you want, need and desire them. What holds many men/woman back from expressing this want, need and desire is our insecurities!! When we have insecurities, we try to cover up and hide who we are authentically and we hide what we want because we are afraid of rejection or what others may think. There may be past issues which are holding us back because we are afraid if the person got to know us deeper, they will not desire or want us anymore. These are insecurities and when you are whole and complete on your own, you accept who you are and who you have been. You love who you are as a person with your flaws and imperfections. Your self-esteem is no longer attached to the opinions of others, because you love and accept yourself on all levels.
These articles are based on lessons I am learning, have learned or things I have experienced. In September of 2015 while I was in the process of healing and working on myself, I met the man of my dreams. He was the man of my dreams because he possessed many of the qualities and characteristics that I desired to have in a partner. We had a great connection, but something happened and it triggered some insecurities in me, and I knew I needed to finish working on my relationship with myself in 2016. I continued with my healing and self-love journey and although I will forever be a work on progress, I am even more comfortable in my own skin than when I first met him. We are no longer in contact, but because I am whole and complete on my own, I will make a healthy partner for someone in the future. I know going forward there will be emotional triggers, but because I am healthy, I can tackle those issues in a healthy way when they arrive. If you truly desire a healthy relationship I have listed of few suggestions you can glean from to achieve your desired healthy relationship:
1) The first suggestion is STOP getting in one relationship and then immediately going to another. When we do this, we bring everything that went wrong in the previous relationship to the new relationship and this leads to another dysfunctional or broken relationship. The cycle can only end with you, so go back to the drawing board and re-evaluate where those voids are within you. Find yourself and love yourself first before you enter a relationship.
2) Take time for yourself and make your self-love cake, because when you do this you are working on becoming whole and complete on your own and your partner will only add the icing to your already baked cake. Love yourself first!! I know many of us are told to love others first, but to pour out you must be filled. It is not selfish to take time for you especially when you are in a relationship because you are constantly giving.
3) Take the Love Language quiz while you are single so that you can know your love language style and can express that to your significant other. Read books on communication so that you can effectively express your emotions and feelings to your partner.
I think a true and successful partnership is when you both want, need and desire each other, you both spoil each other, you both learn and grow together and you both contribute equally to one another. We both need each other and we should pour equally into each other and into the partnership, because we both were created as equals and neither one of our needs is greater than the others. We both should give and receive equally because then both of our needs are being met. It might not always be equal and we should not keep tabs, but when we both serve each other we tend to have a more successful and healthy partnership. This makes for a great relationship, because no one is expected to go above and beyond, but we both work together as a team. We both are equally invested, not afraid to go deep emotionally, and we both give 100% to each other. This type of partnership will only work when you both show up whole and complete on your own.
Let us all aspire to work on becoming whole and complete on our own, so we don’t enter these relationships incomplete and continue the cycle of hurting each other and breaking each other down. Let us take time for ourselves and fill our own voids, deal with our own insecurities and eliminate these toxic behaviors that are keeping us from having the healthy relationship we desire. We are constantly growing and evolving daily, but when you work on you for you, everyone you interact with will receive the best of you and not what's left of you. When we have both worked on our insecurities and are both healthy, she will feel the love which she needs and he will feel the need which he loves.
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- Language Profile | The 5 Love Languages®
The 5 Love Languages®
© 2016 Ayonna Suttles