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Love and the Man in Lingerie, Part Four: What Are Your Intentions?

Updated on October 13, 2009

So say you've started dating someone, you've told her that you like to wear lingerie at about the time you're starting to get intimate, and she seemed okay with it. That's good. That's very good, but that doesn't mean that you're home and hosed my friend.

She might not have minded the idea on an intellectual level, but if you pop out of the bathroom looking like the bride of Frankenfurter, she may balk a little. (Or alternatively, it could totally work, that's a rather hot mental image I have there.) Anyway, my point was that unless she is just a wild thing, you might want to take it slow on the lingerie, especially if you two haven't been dating for a very long time. A little lingerie can go a very long way, so try perhaps just putting on a pair of nylon panties one night, and see how she reacts. What you're trying to do is not become 'the lingerie guy' in her mind. If you overwhelm her, you go from being 'Derek, the guy I am dating', or 'Jack, my boyfriend, to 'that guy who won't quit with the lingerie already'.

There are also other relationship dangers associated with lingerie, and one of them is the risk of becoming too invested in you and your lingerie. Get to know her, her quirks, indulge her fantasies. She will be far more receptive to making your lingerie dreams come true if she is well attended to as well.

What is this about really?

Now, this is something of a challenging section. Most of my articles approach the subject of men who wear lingerie from the perspective of a guy who just likes a little lace, but otherwise identifies as what I might call a 'typical' male role. However, being realistic, a great deal of men who wear lingerie don't fit into this category, and that can cause problems in a relationship that are blamed on lingerie, but in reality are about anything but lingerie.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself

Are you playing out some sort of submissive role with your lingerie? Be honest about that. She might not mind lingerie, but that doesn't mean that she is into submissive guys.

Are you playing out some kind of girly role? The same as the above applies. There's nothing inherently wrong with these things, but they are major personality traits, and at the end of the day, she might not mind her man in lingerie, but she doesn't want to have to protect him from the spider in the bathroom.

That's her call, and that's her preference. In some ways a feminine man is actually a threat to a woman in a relationship. She probably has a pretty set idea of the role she wants to play in a relationship, and if a man wants to play the same role, then there can be serious problems that have absolutely nothing to do with what either of you are wearing.

But what if you are a manly man and she doesn't know it? Read part five



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