- Gender and Relationships»
Marriage Vows: A Commitment to Each Other
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I, Darby, take you, Joan, for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
These are the age-old words that bind the cords of families together. It is a tradition in use that remains solemn both in the eyes of the Law and of God in many lands. For one thing, these words' legal requirements have absolutely fallen short of practicality in many homes. But we can still make it count.
Marriage vows, as grand as they may seem, are nothing more than fickle at the death of one or both of the partners. However, while life exists, the couple owes it a responsibility to each other to live through the thick and thin- the expected and sometimes strange vicissitudes that life throws at the couple. When a man seeks out a woman for a wife, he takes a huge step towards begetting the next generation of a people. The Holy Book has it that, it is a cleavage to a new one and a severance from the old- the parents who themselves would have known and understood better the long-standing lesson that their grown child would soon have to depart them, while leaving them still prepared to honor that age-old solemnity which they(father and mother) swore to live by. So the children would always come and go at some point in the history of the family. That is a normality! It is therefore in this order that commitment should flow: first, to ones spouse; and second, to the children, who are nonetheless duty-bound to observe their filial piety towards their parents( by the time they come on the scene)
In the expression of truth, there is no such thing as a perfect marriage- if anyone of us expects that, then, it means we would be asking for something we ably cannot give. Man remains the sole creature that changes his behavioral tendencies by fits and starts, yet giving reason or reasons for his sometimes awkward actions- he can learn and unlearn any skill or ability no matter the depth of it if he commits to it. He can also carry on or off any attitudes, idiosyncrasies or characteristics if he chooses. Yes, he is that complex!
While a commitment to each other is that which has been sworn by the couple, an understanding that each ones individuality would always remain no matter the intimacy or laxity established between the two during courtship, if there is anything like that, and then in the marriage. This only underscores and gives volume to what is owing to each other- which is to weather all the storms of life together- the ones coming from man's selfish inside and the ever-worrisome externals. So, with the couple becoming one, they now have a duty to badger with self- a contention with their respective egos, plus contending with the curve ball that life itself would throw if they must see the union work. It is a battle against self for ones other self- the better half. And together they can brave the odds together. You can see, there is work to do in marriage!
Needless to say is that much of the failure experienced in marriages has been catalyzed by events preceding the alliance. Many people marry for money, some do to fulfill their parent's wish, still some do for the reason of pathos, while a few others do for other trifling reasons. It will save us the unthinkable anomaly called divorce, if we truly put the concept of marriage to justice- because sooner than later any self-styled reasons may only pose themselves as passing fads at the very incipience of the blizzards that comes with living as man and wife. While the Church and the Law's preaching hold to a slightly similar view, although unequally sublime view, man has constantly looked to foil his own chances of experiencing bliss in marriage owing to reasons of selfishness and shortsightedness which come to the fore quickly when the honeymoon days are over. While each other's limitations can be tolerated-not overlooked- much of what rocks marriages could be prevented if would-be couple treat matters objectively and not with a jaundiced view. While some experiences before marriages can pass without reference, those that can pique the other's pride because of their far-reaching effects should be given due attention and set for deliberation. This helps to wipe the slate clean and give a new beginning to each one with an understanding of their pasts.
Although, you may see him/her faultless and without a jot of blemish at the prime of the relationship, truth is, regardless of your religious affiliation or inclination your love for him/her would normally grow only to the point of saying I do if u have an understanding of his/her present, which carries with it a past. There is a growing of love which comes with knowledge Strengths and weaknesses can be studied through an understanding of temperament, character and personality. These trio can give you an insight into the person's thought processes, underlying their actions. Short of this, whatever we think we feel towards the other is at best in existence when the going remains good for the most part of the union. What sharing of a past mistake does is create an awareness that a lesson has been learnt, evident by the expression of passionate heart-felt pledge to avoid a relapse. This weakness can be fought together and in perspective can gradually but assuredly lose its stranglehold as the avowed pair continue to strive for excellence in the relationship.
Sensitive issues relating to whether or not any children have been born out of wedlock, whether or not a failed marriage has gone before and other circumstances that may not bode well for the union, shattering the expectations of the other if not discussed before marriage, should come under the microscope. Our present position of things can help to mitigate the effects of these misdeeds on our newly- built relationship. A truly repentant heart can easily be forgiven and is forgivable. At least, some issues are not as a result our direct misdeeds. They could be hereditary. Others, too could be congenital. Yet, an attempt to sweep things under the carpet would not only create cracks in the relationship but would further alienate one from proffering any solution to problems resulting from the smoldered matters.
Why then should people get married at all? Are there any valued benefits to it?
Above all, marriage is an earthly union with a spiritual backing as are some of man's endeavors. Therefore, we can look at it as an institution deserving of reverence and honor. People may not go into this life-long commitment for convenience sake. This is a clear aberration from the norm. Love is an emotion that draws along with it other virtues. No wonder the Holy Bible defines it typically as being patient and far from being full of itself. How can it put on any of the negative fronts when its true meaning lies in complementarity? It takes on the position of a friend reaching out to another's calling. This is the strongest single force that has been known to mend fences among even the vilest of people who have sworn to be at daggers drawn eternally, evoking feelings strong enough for the offering of the olive branch between otherwise sworn enemies. For love sake alone should anyone wills his commitment to the other by saying I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
Life is too short no matter how long we live it- at least we all crave to live eternally- yet it can be rewarding when we embrace each other. The ebb of emotions from a husband/wife would certainly complement the other. Proof is positive and evidence is rife with valid examples of testimonials from people reaching their full potentials after they seized from being single to finding their soul-mate, not to mention the joys that come from giving of oneself to the other- there is the value of loving and caring and sharing which give a sense of satisfaction to be a part of the success of the other. Imagine, you have a shoulder to lean on, a heart that beats for you and a family to be accountable to and for. Yet the over-flowing springs of joy that flow at the arrival of a child cannot be contained- this is called the joy of parenthood. Beyond controversy, marriage is the most significant commitment that exist among mankind; It is a loft that can never be climbed without an understanding of its import. It is a blessing unto fruitfulness and multiplication if played out on the right playing field.
Although marriage vows do not transcend this spherical orbit, it is an association of honor, respect, and love. It is an avowal so strong that can alter the cause of destiny. It is a place where many come, see and fail to conquer, forgetting it is a commitment that one should only lose to the cold hands of death - not to the fleeting challenge of unexpected infidelity, not to expected undisclosed concerns experienced before dating or even after saying Yes I do.