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Marriage is about Compromise

Updated on October 14, 2013

When couples are dating, they become so engrossed in emotion that rational thought sometimes takes a back seat. That’s all well and good up to a point. The problem arises when the euphoria of love sickness wears off and reality hits. So many times couples get married while they are still in the throes of this kind of passion and are really hurt when real life catches up. Those little annoyances that were overlooked suddenly become huge character traits that are now hard to live with. I think the best thing for couples to do before marriage is to evaluate the major areas of their life and decide in which of these areas they are able to compromise.


Money

I have heard it said many times that money is a major cause of divorce. The way a person regards finances is a very critical part of how they live. A person who is a saver may become extremely frustrated by a partner that has a tendency to overspend. Each of these individuals will view money in a very different way. Being aware of each other’s spending habits is very important when considering marriage. It makes it vitally important to establish a budget where each person feels they are not completely forfeiting their lifestyle but rather finding a financial balance that provides for their mutual goals.


Work


Whether a couple decides to be a one or two income family depends on many factors. Of course, having enough money to provide for the life they both want is a major issue but not the only one to consider. The value and satisfaction each person receives from their work is important. Spouses who are expected to give up their jobs are many times resentful and tend to exhibit negative behavior as a results. Regardless of who is working, it is also important to remember that the job you had as a single person may not be the best one after marriage. A job with lots of overtime and travel may have provided what was needed for a single person but that same job may alienate you from the person you love most. If that is the case, then changing jobs or work schedule may be necessary to nurture the relationship.


Home


I’m sure we all realize that very few people enjoy household chores but they need to be done. Many couples are dissatisfied with the division of household obligations. There is not a standard ratio of work in this area that applies to any couple. This is an area where each person has to be willing to take on tasks that are not especially appealing in order to keep the home running somewhat smooth. Also, being overly critical of the way your spouse does certain chores is a sure way to cause tension.


Family


The question of whether or not to have kids should be discussed long before you are expecting. The transition from couple to family is a big one and should not be left to chance. The new challenges that come with the addition of children are huge. Each parent needs to take part in the care of the children but also remember to maintain their relationship as a couple. That can sometimes be very difficult. Kids bring so much joy but they do require a lot of work. Communication is essential to establishing a united front for your children, each parent must be clear about their views on discipline, education, religion, and all the other components involved in raising a child. Obviously, you won’t agree all the time, but you must strive to negotiate a plan that is doable and serves the best interest of the child(ren).



I don’t profess to be an expert on marriage or any other subject for that matter. My only credit is that I have been married for nearly twenty years and have seen what works and what doesn’t work. I know I have made marriage look like a business arrangement but in a lot of ways it is. A successful business requires planning and negotiation just like a good marriage. Compromise is give and take, which means that each person in a relationship has to be willing to give to their spouse what is needed for their fulfillment. It also means being confident enough to ask your partner for what you need and be willing to receive it.



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      pookiebear00 5 years ago

      This is an instresting subject and I can see most of these that can cause a marriage to collapse. Money is a big issue in many marriages. Also, cheating is a huge deal in any relationship. Even getting over the cheating as a person your never the same. Marriages can be fixed only if both parties are willing to work on it. It is hard to work on a marriage if only person is doing the effort and the other person isn't. I ask people who come to me and say I just want to leave him or her, "why"? The usually answer is he's not doing what he use to or he or she isn't compromising with me. Sometimes it's he or she has cheated on me. Cheating I could understand the hurt and trusting issues, but everything else can be fixed by simply communicating with your spouse. Communication is the important key in a marriage because without it no one gets anything accomplish. Each couple has their issues and it's just easier for most people to take the easy way out and not having to deal with it. Not all things are easy and as humans it's in our nature to want things to be easy. We want things to just go with what we want, but that is not always the case. It's best to deal with the problem at hand then to take the easy way out. I feel that many marriages fail due to people wanting to take the easy way out and not fix the problems that they have. Other times I believe that it's simple that the person is unhappy with themselves and wants more out of life. Some are just unhappy with their spouse, but it needs to be communicated why. Espeically if cheating is involved.I know this long LOL :-) Great post was really intersting to read!

    • slackermom profile image
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      Lisa Palmer 5 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Thanks for reading pookie...I agree with you, there is no way a couple can be successful without communicating. All those parts of marriage I included in the hub require communicating with each. As far as cheating goes, from what I have seen it too usually results from not talking or not listening..I think people sometimes forget that listening is part of communicating each person has to be heard in order to resolve any problem.

    • teaches12345 profile image

      Dianna Mendez 5 years ago

      What a great analysis of marriage. Yes, it is a matter where you must discuss the personal beliefs, especially before marriage. Financial problems are top of the divorce factor and the lack of understanding each other's view causes the downfall. Great coverage and you seem like a very knowledgeable person on the topic. Voted up.

    • slackermom profile image
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      Lisa Palmer 5 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Thank you teaches..I really appreciate you reading my hub and commenting

    • davenstan profile image

      Katina Davenport 5 years ago

      I like the part about household chores. My husband and I managed to work out a system to get the household chores done. Although I don't work outside the home, taking care of two small children is a big job. I asked my husband to help with two chores so that I can be more attentive to HIS needs. It took several times of me asking him for help, but he got the message. I didn't nag him I would gently remind him. I am glad we found a common ground. I think couples can compromise if they really work towards common goals.

    • slackermom profile image
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      Lisa Palmer 5 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      @davenstan.. I know many relationships where the stay at home mom is expected to do all the household chores but that is a sure way to become overwhelmed. If husbands understood how much it means for them to pitch in around the house, they might be surprised at how much more time his wife would have for him and his needs. I'm glad you have a hubby who understands that Thanks for your comment

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 years ago from Olympia, WA

      I'm going to link this to my hub about communication. Very well done and great points to consider!

    • slackermom profile image
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      Lisa Palmer 5 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Thanks billy

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      pookiebear00 5 years ago

      I agree with you slackermom. I am a stay at home mom and it took several times for my husband to get that just because I am home all the time doesn't mean I need the help when he gets home. He helps me do dishes, laundry and helps with little projects around the house. It's both of our house and we both have to work together to get the things done. Just because I am home and doing what needs to be done doesn't mean he can't help out. Communication is diffently a key when it comes to house work. Letting each other know what you need out of them is more effective then just telling them to do something and them to just do it. Has to have meaning behind it and you have to be assertive and understanding at the same time.

    • sjwigglywoo profile image

      sjwigglywoo 5 years ago from UK

      Hi yes compromise is the way forward, it's about give and take. You can't be selfish, you have to learn to be selfless to make a marriage and family life work. And also time alone as a couple when the family comes along. It's all about sharing and communicating.

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      CJ Sledgehammer 4 years ago

      A well written and thought provoking essay, Slackermom, thank you. I think if couples put in the time thinking about marriage more as a business and less as a fantasy, there would be far less divorces.

      Peace be with you - C.J. Sledgehammer

    • slackermom profile image
      Author

      Lisa Palmer 4 years ago from Attapulgus GA

      Thanks so much CJ. I really appreciate you stopping by and commenting. I think that marriage should be a partnership to be successful. Mutual respect is very important just like a business partnership.

      Thanks again and have a great weekend.

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