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Men Needs To Be Appreciated
Love and Respect the one you with
Women usually focus on themselves and things pertaining to them, in order to help them grow. Men are generally left out of their focus, except when they do something wrong then they grab a hold of it like a dog to a bone, and give their men a good beat down; verbally. Ladies, I would like to turn the table, and put the men in the lime light: a light of honor. There are great men in this world, but unfortunately they are hard to find. I think a lot of men have experienced some traumatic encounters in previous relationships that it has left them broken, scarred, and scared. Men are not as resilient with their emotions as women are, they tend to hide their heart, and act like a fool to prevent them from getting hurt again. Life has beaten down our men so badly at times that they tend to live up to our unfair labeling of them: one such label that comes to mind is “men are dogs” Is that really true ladies?
Men give what you expect.
Most men are often good men at heart, but they tend to live up to the expectation of most women and their labeling of them as dogs, because they are insecure and vulnerable. Men try and turn the table on women at times to test their character, strength, and tolerance. They will test you in the worst way at times, and although they know that their actions are causing you pain they will continue to push the limits pushing you away, because they want to see if they can trust you with their heart. Cruel and Unfair as it may be, it's also understandable from a man's perspective. Women have a strong influence on men, whether they know it or not, and if not careful they can easily change or reinforce a man's negative behavior through the way they react or respond to them. How you handle your man's bad behavior will considerable contributes to their psyche. Sometimes you end up in a relationship where their is verbal and physical abuse because someone prior to you has already messed up his psyche, and he finds you an easy target to take out his frustrations and insecurities on. In this case my recommendation is for you to get the heck out of dodge.
Typically it's hard for men to show emotions especially crying, because they consider it a form of weakness. it takes a lot for a man to show vulnerability to a woman, because he has to consciously let his guard down and allow you to enter into his most private and secret place-his inner sanctuary- his heart, knowing that he's opening up himself to his biggest fear: Rejection.
Some men are gun shy, you know the old adage "once bitten twice shy" it takes a longer time for them to approach you much less to begin to open up themselves to you. Tread cautiously ladies, don't push, don't force anything just let things runs its natural course giving him the time he need to gain enough trust to take that next step. The way in which you can encourage a man to come out of his shell is through your acceptance of him, not through criticism or put down. When you find a man with character you need to cherish him, because their is not a lot of available men like that around today. Once a relationship is established I believe in telling a man up front what your expectation are from him and the relationship. Being forth coming lets him know exactly where you stand and where you are going. This information will allow him the opportunity to properly make an informed decision as to weather or not he is able or capable of meeting your needs, and it will give him a better appreciation of you if done in a loving and decent manner.
Most men will appreciate your honesty, because it attest to your character and integrity, this speaks volume to a man's heart. If he is a man of integrity he will see the value in you, and step up to the plate by making his desires and expectations known, giving you the equal opportunity to make a better decision as to your capability to properly handle the relationship. This is where trust is established, because you have given him a safe environment to be himself and a no judgement zone to share more of thoughts with you. Some men are rough around the edges, they need a bit more grooming and refinement. Any relationship involves a certain amount of risk, so if you recognize his potential and decide that he is worth your time and energy then by all means invest in your future, because you will eventually receive dividends on your investment. Whatever you give that is what you will get back, If you treat him with respect you will get that back in return; treat him like a dog, and chances are he'll show you the dog side of him.
Do you take the men in your life for granted?
At all times we should do a self check because sometimes meaning to or not we can become self absorbed and selfish, and we then take the men in our lives for granted. The way you treat your mate say a lot about the woman you are and gives us an insight into what your household is all about. Whatever your character or personality is that is what you will portray to your mate and that determine the type of relationship you will have, be it stable or unstable.
An aggressive woman will be more likely to be dominant, controlling, and very vocal thereby creating an Ora of intimidation, you will insist on having your own way at all times,no matter the cost.You will take your mate for granted by ignoring him, treating him like he's a doormat or a second class citizen, you will devalue him as a person, your plans will not include him because it's all about you and your needs, his voice will become inconsequential to you therefore it will not be heard, you will not seek his advice or input, you will discard any suggestions, plans or goals he might have, you order than ask, you lead and expect him to follow, you are a drama queen thereby you end up putting distance in your relationship because your mate no longer feel he has a role in your life, he will feel under appreciated and you will have a difficult time getting him to meet your needs.
Being passive can also make a man feel under appreciated because you tend to be the silent type holding everything in, and by doing this you create an emotional vacuum. When you lock your mate out emotionally it creates a distance between both of you because you will not be able to meet his needs emotionally and the lack of intimacy in a relationship does create distance. if we take that special man for granted someone else will grant him, if you know what I mean, so try to find a balance where you better relate to him on a level where he will feel valuable, appreciated, respected, and your attractiveness to him will increase.
Beginning of Time
God made man in His own image from the beginning of times and saw that it was not good for man to be alone so He put Adam asleep and took a rib from his ribcage and made Eve to be his helpmate. Adam and Eve lived for free in the Garden of Eden, to live in this garden of paradise there were conditions/rules imposed on Adam by God before Eve took up residency. The rules of the contract stated that they could live rent free and have access to everything in the garden and eat of every tree except for one particular tree "the tree of knowledge of good and evil", because if they did eat of it they would be in disobedience to God therefore breaking the terms of their lease agreement rendering it null and void, so they were instantly evicted.
Eve dishonored her mate by giving into her own lust and pleasure without giving much taught to the predicument she was about to put her husband in, she listen to someone else and made a bad decision and that cost her and her mate dearly. When Adam came home Eve went to work on him and manipulated him into going along with her, he too did eat the forbidden fruit, Adam was ultimately responsible for his household and he was held accountable by God.
We as women ought to honor and value our men, not devalue and dishonor him because he is the head of our life as Christ is the head of the church, don’t think oh I am not a Christian so this does not apply to me, that’s a big mistake because the same principles apply both in the spiritual as in the natural (you will reap what you sow, treat others the way you want to be treated).Eve lost focus of her priority andshe let her husband down, Eve had a choice she could have put her husband first by supporting him and helping him to hold up their living agreement, after all it was free rent and free food, their lives were prosperous and debt free. If Eve had been the supporter she was meant to be, their life would have continue in peace and prosperity, but she was selfish and she allowed herself to be influenced by an outsider, because of that her household/ family became a living nightmare and life as they knew it instantly changed for the worst, they went from being prosperous to being in poverty.
Although life had turned downhill she stood by her husband side, now they both had to go to work in order to make ends meet, I am sure life was not a picnic for them because their life was now filled with dissension and discord. I will say one thing for them they stayed married until death did they part, but of course one could argue that there were nowhere else they could go because they were the only two humans on the earth, they could have separated with Adam on one side of the earth and Eve on the other side. Had they remain apart there would not be no you or I because multiplication would have been out the door.
Self analysis in a relationship is very important in order to see what bad behavior you are contributing to, or what's lacking in your relationship, and what is required to bring about effective change in order to have a successful relationship, a happier and fulfilled life with your mate. When doing a self check ask your self truthfully these questions, to see if you are appreciating your mate: Do I criticizes more than I compliment? Do I talk more than I listen? Do I put my mate first or last? Do I cover Him or do I expose him? Do I value his opinion? Am I respectful & supportive? Do I instill trust or doubt? Do I provide a happy and secure environment?
Ways of Appreciating your Mate
Respect and Support
Apart of appreciating your mate is supporting and respecting him as a man, your husband, a father and as head of household. Men like to know that they are doing well in your sight so acknowledge the things he does to make you happy and comfortable, whether it’s big or small and give verbal reinforcement as to the things he does and does well, for example; “Babe” you fix the sink like a pro and you save us a lot of money, so I am going to take you out to dinner tonight to show you how much i appreciated what you did. You always want to accentuate the positive at all times thus building confidence and pride in your mate, feeling appreciated and valued as a person and as your special someone goes a long way in making your relationship an exceptional and beautiful one, because you know you have someone in your corner that’s got your back.
Speak positively about him and to him, speak to him and not at him, do not demean him especially in public or in front of your children, be less critical and find a polite way of expressing yourself to him, he will feel less threaten and less like a child, know when to back off and shut up because an argument cannot start nor continue if you let things be and learn to stop sweating the small stuff.
Respect any and all agreements made between you, especially those that pertain to your goals for the future. When and if your goals changed then you must go back to the table and revisit your agreements, communicate with each other what changed for you and why in order to keep a clear sense of direction. Work out the details peacefully and reset a new agreement towards accomplishing your goals, in order to keep on the path that will be successful. Without a common goal you will be second guessing each other and making decisions only pleasing to self, you will be pulling in opposite direction and expecting the other to follow blindly or saying one thing and doing the other, this is a scenario that’s guaranteed to end in failure.
Let your mate feel secure
Trust him to make good decisions, trust him to be faithful to you, give him the benefit of the doubt, be considerate and kind, make your home a place of refuge so he can feel safe when he’s home and when he’s away from home he'll look forward to coming home because he knows you are there. Fill your home with laughter, make it a very pleasant place to dwell, take in talking with him and confiding in him so he's comfortable to do the same, he will find you to be a friend indeed and he will not be afraid to show you his vulnerable side because he knows he can trust you. Relax accept and appreciate his help when he tries to help you with a task, although it might not be done the way you would like it recognize that he is doing the best he knows how and he's doing it for you, so be grateful. Do not make everything a competition in which you have to show him that you are better than him, you will only succeed in making him feel inferior, less than a man, this will only destroy his confidence in his manhood. Take an active interest in the things he does such as his job and in whatever interest him such as sports or hobbies and make it apart of your life if even in a small way, he will appreciate you more for that.
Cover your husband in prayer
Moving as one means if you fail or succeed you do it together. If there is failure, no blame shots should be fired but rather extend comfort and support, give him a shoulder to lean on, be his strength in the times he is weak. Due to his failure he will be feeling an overwhelming amount of guilt within himself, more than you could ever imagine because he could not deliver on his promise to you as a man and as a husband. In these times you want to be extra sensitive to your mate’s feelings and show him that he is the same in your eyes as the day you meet and fell in love with him, show him that you still have every confidence in his ability to succeed and he’s no less a man because something didn’t go according to plan, try putting yourself in his shoes before you open your mouth.
Being a Christians we not only have a physical relationship with our husband but we also have a spiritual relationship with God, and God honor his covenant with His people. God’s covenant with us gives us access to Him so we can go into His presence and cover our mates in prayer, standing in the gap, interceding on his behalf to God for wisdom, strength, ability, guidance and what ever else he might need to help him through. keep praying for him and ask God to keep your household intact with great love and peace, and with full assurance knowing that God hears and He will answer you. Support your mate by praying together, this will bring encouragement, strength, and healing to both of you and your relationship, and he will love to see how vigorously and fervently you fight on his behalf and it will bring you closer together, there will be no time nor no need for him to have a roaming eye.
Show genuine appreciation and affection
Being genuine comes from the heart and its not forced; it’s easy to display affection when you truly love someone because you always have there best in mind and you love to bring a smile to their face. Appreciate him by saying “Thank You” and showing affection by saying “I love being your wife” and “I Love You “giving him a hug and a kiss for no reason at all, having an endearing name for him that he loves to hear you call him by (honey, baby, sweetheart, sugar dumpling) , go out of your way to do something special for him without it being an occasion such as a birthday or anniversary, complimenting him on his looks, the way he dress, and how good he smells, remind him that there is no one like him, and he takes your breath away, for all the glamorous and sexy men in Hollywood he is your favorite and only leading man the rest of those men has nothing on him.
Keep Your Romance Alive and Sizzling
This is an area you do not want to ignore, so be creative and romantic in your planning of intimate moments because you want it to be both memorable and pleasurable for you both. Have yourself a reserved date every month, for example; every second Saturday in the month will be your special “Date Night” where you focus on him and reminding him of how special he is to you. Plan to take time out to travel, vacationing in the Tropics is always relaxing and fun so you can be "foot loose" and "fancy free" in other words just go wild.
Remember what made you say yes to him?
Was it his physical looks and physique, his personality and charm, his wisdom or intellect, his humor or character, his passion or sincerity, his integrity or was it his love for God and people? Only you know deep down within you the truth of why you said yes to your mate. Whatever the reason that you were attracted to your mate and said yes to him, those reason should always get frequent visitation especially in time of storm where the forecast is gloomy and there is a heavy fog. There will be times that these reasons may be lost to you, but this man and the quality of your relationship is at stake and you do not want any permanent weather damage, so you have to navigate through the thickest of fog to arrive at your destination safely. Whatever the storm of life before you just go and get your emergency equipments in gear and put it to good use, put on your mates GPS and lock onto him and follow closely beside him, keeping him in full view at all times while you endure and persevere and you will make it through the storm stronger than ever before.