Mistakes You Should Not Make In A Relationship

Relationships are unpredictable. Most people are hurt in relationships. Therefore, next time another prospective partner comes along, we are less likely to forgive.

This is a story of one of my good friends. We can learn a lot from it. I know I did.

I have a good friend, let’s call her Jenny. We are long time friends, going back 15 years. She was unlucky in her relationships. Her first husband cheated on her and had a child with another woman. She eventually met another man and got married shortly. She was in her late 30’s and she desperately wanted to have a child. So time was running out for her. She had a lovely boy and it looked like her life is starting to shine. But, soon after giving birth to her son, the husband started to show his real side, the scrooge guy who didn’t want to share finances with Jenny. In addition, he did not treat her well. Shouting, name calling, threatening, leaving her in the city with the little child because he didn't like something she said led to separation and then divorce.

She stayed alone for a while and concentrated on raising her child.

Recently she met a guy who seemed to care for her and her child. Lets call him Jimmy. The relationship was going well and they spent one year of good times together. She gave him her house keys in case of emergency. He did the same. He phoned her almost every day and texted her often. He did buy her flowers, little presents and was very considerate. They lived close to each other and this was convenient for them because they could see each other often and on the spur of a moment.

Of course they did have a few arguments like any normal couple. But Jenny knew that she has faults as well and she forgave him every time he made mistakes. She knows there is no 'perfect' relationship.

One year down the track, Jenny wanted a commitment from her man. She told him so. Then he became demanding. As time went by, he stopped buying flowers, presents and he became less considerate.

One day, he invited Jenny to his house for a drink and talk. While she had a glass of whisky, he had 3 glasses. Then he became aggressive and wanted her to please him then and there. She did not feel like it. So she left. She sent him an email telling him how humiliated she felt. She expressed her concern that if he drinks a little more than usual, he changes his behaviour completely.

He did not call her after that email anymore. She waited patiently his call and apologies. It did not happen. Two weeks later, she locked her house keys in the car in the garage by mistake. She had lots on her mind. As Jimmy’s place was close to hers, she did call him on his mobile and his landline wanting to ask him to come around with her house keys. She left several messages telling him what happened and asked him to put aside his anger and help her out. This was a case of emergency. He did not answer to either his mobile or landline. It was late afternoon. Jenny came home from work and she was tired.

Luckily, Jenny had me and I had her house keys as well. But I live 30 minutes away so it took me a while to get to her place. She was very upset. She told me what happened and asked my opinion. I told her that I could not give her advice because this is a sensitive issue and only she could make a decision.

She finally made a decision. Keep reading the next section.

Jenny gave a lot of thought to the current situation. She felt that if her man let her down now when she needed him the most, it will happen again. So how can she trust such a guy? This was one of the many mistakes Jimmy made. This was the biggest.

She called me 5 days ago and told me that she made her decision.

She went to his house, gave him his house keys back and took hers. Jimmy wanted to talk, but Jenny thought that is no real reason to blame each other for what happened. The relationship was not going well for a while and she was too disappointed to even think of going back to this man. She knew there is no way she could go on with this man by her side.

The bottom line is:

• we make mistakes in a relationship, it is human nature. Some mistakes can be forgiven, some cannot
• sometimes you have to cut your losses and move on, no matter how hard and painful it is