- Gender and Relationships
Mockery of marriage
No laughing matter...
As I’ve become more seasoned over the years, I have found myself re evaluating my life and events in my life. Some things I question and take a cerebral approach or a philosophical one, trying to gain some insight and knowledge and a deeper understanding of my circumstances and experiences. Mostly though, I use humor as a diversion or deflection of some very painful events. Sometimes when I do this however, people become noticeably uncomfortable, with either my humor or my candor. Maybe they think I have a warped, morbid, and twisted, sense of humor, to laugh and make jokes about topics and subjects that most find difficult to discuss or talk about, but for me, laughter is a better alternative to crying. The fact that I am extremely sarcastic probably doesn’t help matters either. Many accuse me of making a mockery of my marriage because I make jokes about it, my ex included.
"Why do you always have to be so damn sarcastic and makes jokes all the time about our marriage?" he asked.
To which I replied, "You are the one that made a joke of our marriage, I had no other choice but learn to make it okay to make jokes about our marriage."
I have heard many make jokes and laugh at others for their misfortunes, inadequacies and idiosyncrasies, only they do it behind their backs or when they think the people they are talking about are out of earshot. Odd that many people take pleasure and enjoy mocking, ridiculing, and poking fun of people behind their backs, but become uncomfortable when the people they are discussing or talking about say the things they have said, thought, felt, feel, and or think. Not as much fun making fun of people if the people you are making fun of or would be making fun of, do it for you, do it first, and or do it better. I know, because I have been the butt of many of those jokes. (pun intended)
Even if I make what I think is an insignificant or inadvertent statement or comment about my ex husband or how I find or found myself divorced after 23 years. I don’t think anything of it, until I am met with a gasp or suppressed giggle.
For example, when I was at the mall trying on a dress for my sister in law’s wedding, the sales woman asked me what the occasion was.
“I am going to my sister in law’s wedding," I said to the sales woman. "Well, ex sister in law I guess, seeing as her brother and I are going through a divorce.”
“Oh, I’m divorced too.” she says, showing comradery as one divorcee to another. “Have to look hot if the ex is going to be there.”
“Oh yeah, he’ll be there with his boyfriend, so I’m sure they will have something to say about what I am wearing and or how I look.” I said with a laugh.
She tried to suppress her laugh and then blushed, fearing she may have just insulted me by laughing, or ashamed that she found humor in my wildly inappropriate sense of humor. “You’re joking right?” she asked tentatively.
“No.” I said. “Jerry Springer shit right.” I say, non-chalantly, trying to make her feel less awkward. I forget that my marriage and divorce and the circumstances surrounding my divorce are considered or may be viewed as ‘different’ or ‘worse’ than what other couples experience (d).
“How can you laugh at that?” she asks, trying to disguise her interest. “You say it like it’s nothing.”
As to whether it is disgust, disdain, dismay, or morbid curiosity, depends upon the listener/reader, but most people usually want to hear more, others, not so much-or not at all, as I over hear another woman nearby say with disgust.
"How can anyone make a joke about divorce, marriage is sacred."
Whatever one’s thought or opinion is on the subject of divorce or talking about or sharing personal subjects with perfect strangers, I am quickly learning that not everyone is or will be comfortable with my humor-and most are convinced or sure I am not serious or can’t be once they learn the circumstances of my divorce.
“Hard not to laugh,” I said with a shrug. “Divorce was inevitable; after all, you know what they say, there can only be one queen in the castle.”