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The Biological Mom's VS "ME" The Stepmom

Updated on September 5, 2011

Why Is Being A Stepmom So Hard For Me?

I have been a step mom for 3 years and let me tell you, it has been hell. Not because of the children because they have shown love and respect for me, but because of the childish, catty biological mothers. It is already extremely hard to adapt too a child that is not yours but then when a deceitful person is the child's mom, it can turn into a living hell.

To make a long story short, it all started 4 years ago when I met my fiance through a mutual friend. He had already been married once and had conceived 2 kids from that marriage, a boy now 9 years old and a little girl now 6 years old. They had a bitter divorce a year before we met because she was a continuous cheater and he could not take it anymore. She took it so far as to move another man into their home while he was still living there but he stayed for the kids. Crazy Right!!! Anyway, in the course of the year that led up to us meeting, he started to deal with his sister's best friend, who was supposedly this innocent and church going girl. (Notice I said girl because that is what she has continued to act like)

They dealt for only 3 months and she was already throwing ultimatums about marriage. She pretty much threatened to end it if he did not marry her so she went and bought a wedding dress without him even knowing. He also soon found out that she had been dealing with someone at her job and lost his trust in the relationship. When she threw the ultimatum out one last time, he told her to either respect the fact that he had just got out of a bad marriage or leave him. So she did at her own free will.

Two weeks later, our mutual friends and he came to my home for a nice evening of fun, crabs and drinking. We hit it off and have been together every since. That's where the drama comes in at. For the first 2 months of our relationship she totally ignored him. She did not call or even attempt to get back together because she had her other man. All of a sudden she called one day and said she was 2 months pregnant. Of course he did not believe it was his because she had been with this other guy at the same time so he asked for a test from day one.

For the whole 9 months she was nosey and calling all of a sudden everyday. Come to find out the reason she all of a sudden wanted him back was because the other dude had coincidently stole her car the day she called with the news. She already had knew she was pregnant when she was 2 weeks so why did she wait so long to tell the supposedly only possible dad?? So I guess she wanted my fiance back now because she found out this other guy was a jerk.

Once the 9 months had came, she gave him a bogus due date and had the baby 2 weeks before without calling him to be there because the other guy was there at the hospital. Two days before the fake due date, he called to tell her that we were moving and wanted to give her the number so that she could get in touch with him. Out the blue she says, "I already had the baby" , it was a boy. To our surprise she had kept it a secret because she had this other guy thinking he was the father too. Until one day when the little boy was 4 months. The other guys mother started to question whether or not this was really her grandchild. She volunteered to pay for a test and it sure came out he was not the father. Remind you all this time she was telling my fiance "I am not giving you a test, its yours". Of course the other guy up and left because of her lying to him and his family and she really got bold then.

Every since she has been a true BITCH!!!! She called me up over twenty times telling me how she know he still loved her and he did not want me and so on. We started having major problems because she would pop up at his job, call the house playing on the phone etc. Me and his ex-wife had never had problems until she came into the picture. She started this fake friendship with her telling her all these lies about me so that she would not befriend me. In other words, she did not want me in the picture at all!!! Soon they both started teaming up playing on my Myspace, Facebook, phone etc. It really became a circus and my fiance was in the middle. They both told him if you are with that girl , you cannot see your kids. He asked why, and they had know answer. Remind you they both had new lovers that had been around the kids and we had been together the whole time just us two. The new little boy is now 3 years old and she says she does not know why I am involved and he can't meet me even though I have never did anything wrong. Why can't the kids meet me but they can meet all these various dudes who were only around for months and then disappeared into thin air. The second baby mother is now also pregnant again by another guy after meeting him only 3 months before. Sad!!!

The whole issue is that from hearing what happened with there relationships with my fiance, they are jealous because we are still together and I treat him right. I do not cheat and I have my own place and a job to support myself. I do not make a habit out of having babies to be supported by men and/or child support and I do not live in my mothers house still. They are very miserable and they are out to ruin our relationship. Now my fiance has to go to court just to get visitation. If they do not get their way, they do catty things like threaten that he will never see the kids again or they block his number so he cannot call and then tell them, "he doesn't even call you".

The kids have called and have always spoke and been respectful so the final straw came a few months ago. The ex-wife kicked it off first. She had the kids call and she was in the background telling them to not speak and they started yelling "wheres my daddy at?" I told them that is not the way you talk to adults but she was coaching them so I cannot blame them. My fiance corrected them and cussed her out, that was when she dropped a bombshell that the kids were not even his!!! He always had wondered because she had got caught cheating during the marriage but he still claimed them and kept supporting them. To say the least, he was of course devastated. A week later the other girl did the same thing because I guess they were working together to work my nerves. They called and I said "Hello" to him. They were on speaker phone and we heard her too telling him, "You don't have to speak to know one but your daddy". It was very childish and hurtful to me. I was so fed up I threatened to leave him after 4 years because of this mess.

Till this day it has not gotten better at all. They are getting worst and I am afraid that when the kids do finally come over or get older, they are really gonna hate me. Ain't no telling what is being told to them by these childish women. It has been so depressing because I feel like it is my fault he cannot see his kids but of course he tells me not to think like that. I wish that I could have a normal relationship with these kids but it seems nearly impossible.

PLEASE TELL ME, What Should I Do?

"Stepmom" The Movie

"STEPMOM" The Movie

"Stepmom" is a touching story of unlikely friendship between two remarkable women. It's a hilarious, poignant, heartfelt drama about the tears we shed and the joys we share when someone new steps into the family. It was Directed by Julia Roberts. The cast consist of Julia Roberts, Susan Sarandon, Ed Harris, Jena Malone, Liam Aiken.


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    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 3 years ago from Washington DC

      We have been broke up for three years now so it didn't continue well but I have moved on to a very stable and less drama filled relationship. U have to do whats best for u and deal with only what u choose too.

    • profile image

      The real Mrs 3 years ago

      I was just wondering how things are going now? I am a stepmom with a bm that just up and leaves whenever she feels like it. Sometimes we get notice but 9 times out of 10 it is so last minute and we have to drop everything to change our schedule so she can "find herself" her kid doesn't respect her treats her like a toy/game store and she has been nothing but ugly to me even though I've taken care of her kid more than she has. Anyway. Just hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel...

    • Jenny-Elizabeth profile image

      Elizabeth Reeve 4 years ago from Cornfields of Indiana

      I have been a step mom for 7 years, and it was not easy at first. Well it didn't get easier until this last year actually. It's one of those things you have to document what happens but at the same time make sure your focus is on the children. If they are refusing to let him see the children I would go to court and they will have someone look at all sides and choose the best answer for the children. They don't want anyone playing games with a child's head.

      One thing my father always did even though my mother and him split was always make sure I had money to get her something for mother's day, her birthday and Christmas. I respected him a great deal for that and no matter how my daughter's bio mom and I were getting along I always helped my daughter make her something for join mother's day and birthday because they are both in May and then something for Christmas. I know it's hard believe me... We were in and out of court for 4 years... sending positive thoughts your way, I hope she grows up and things get better.

    • BOGOBabies profile image

      Emily 4 years ago from Florida

      Unfortunately it does seem like taking these things to court is the only safe resolution. Otherwise the crazy women make up more lies, manipulate the children, try to manipulate you---who knows what they'll do before the authorities get brought in. I also believe in keeping an open line of communication with the kids about what is going on. Tell them what they can handle and be honest, they will appreciate that in the future. Then as time goes on, they will start seeing the truth for themselves. You'll be amazed at how your honesty has empowered them.

    • trusouldj profile image

      trusouldj 5 years ago from Indiana

      Wow Stace ... Maybe ya'll need to bottle that and sell it, 'cause that's some powerful stuff to be making these women go 'cuckoo for coco puffs".

    • Nothing Nice profile image

      Nothing Nice 6 years ago

      Thank you for sharing your experience. It's nice to know stepparenting is difficult for people besides me!

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 7 years ago from Washington DC

      thanks so much La st. We are documenting everything and pursuing joint custody so that he can have his fair rights as a father.

    • La st profile image

      La st 7 years ago from Somewhere in the midwest, USA

      Wow. I feel so bad for these children. Nothing pisses me off more than people who use children as pawns in their own bitter battles with each other. These children deserve to know who their father is and to know him as a person, and should NEVER be told to talk badly or talk back to a parental figure in their lives... no matter if it's a natural parent, a grandparent, or a step-parent. Definately go with 2ndwife's advice and let the courts decide how this should play out. In the meantime, you and your man should keep accurate records and journals citing all of the malicious moves on the parts of the children's mothers. Do NOT, though, play into them. Don't argue with the mothers or play their games. Just document it and contact your lawyer. Best of luck to you in sorting that all out!

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 7 years ago from Washington DC

      thanx 2ndwife I think that is the only way to go because soon after I wrote this article, it happened again and I feel like he is scared of them

    • profile image

      2ndwife 7 years ago

      Your fiancé needs to step up and take a stand to both of these women. There are laws about not talking bad about the other parent. Visitation is a right of both the child and the parent, not a privilege based on child support payments. I am dealing with stepchildren, too. I don't know that their mother's manipulations will ever be exposed or corrected. Maybe when they get older, but don't expect anything.

      Your only ally in this is your fiancé and his willingness/ability to structure the situation that's fair to all. Use every tool at your disposal. Sometimes litigation is the best weapon. It's hard to justify going against a court order.

      Good Luck