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Father's Rights, Visitation And Baby Mama Drama - How To Have A Healthy Relationship With Your Child's Father

Updated on May 12, 2011

No More Baby Mama Drama Please

How To NOT Be The Baby Mother From Hell

Having a decent relationship with your child's father even when the relationship did not work out is crucial to every child's upbringing. No matter what, you should always show respect to him (and their significant other if their is one) in front of the kids at all times. It is very damaging to these children to be taught to disrespect people for malicious, selfish and catty reasons. Getting over the hurt of divorce or a relationship that did not succeed can be hard and depressing. Either way for the kids sake it is necessary for them to still have a healthy relationship with both parents. Remember you have a kid with them so it can be a possibility depending on the situation that things could rekindle one day. But if you are being a mean and conniving person in the process, it is sure to make him never want this fairytale with you and it will push him to other women for sure. Take the advice I have put together below and things may lighten up in your tense baby mother VS baby father situation.

Respect Your Baby Fathers New Relationship

Unless you have reason to believe that his new love is abusive or a bad person, always give her a chance. You never know she could be a great asset to your child's life. Especially if they have been together for a while, she might be worth getting to know since the child could possibly be around her when visiting the father. Just think about it, you might find a mate one day and you would not want him to run them off and make you unhappy. That would really hurt wouldn't it?? Even if you do not like her fake it off and be courteous. It will let the kids know you are mature and above the drama and then they will be respectful too.

Do Not Use Child Support As A Revenge Tactic

All kids deserve child support and it is good to have it ordered by the courts if the father is not being supportive financially.  If the father is trying, you should try to avoid the legal system and work out a payment plan that is reasonable.  Remember that the father still has to be able to pay rent so that the child can visit a warm and stable home.  He also needs to be able to have money available to support himself for a stable mind to work to support the child.  Also if  the child visits regularly, he should not be so financially strapped that he can not even take his child out to eat or to the movies etc.  Work out a plan that will work for you, him and the kid(s).  When a kid goes to the mall with his dad and ask for something, it breaks any parents heart to not be able to afford it.  Every mother knows that you have your moments when your money is low and you budget to make ends meet. The father should have this option also as long as he is doing right by the child.

Do NOT Deny The Father Visitation Because You Are Mad At Him

No matter what the outcome, the kid(s) should not be used as weapons against the father.  If he is doing right by the kids then you should just suck it up and be the bigger person.  Don't be mean and selfish just because he does not want to be with you any longer or he has a new relationship.  That will mentally and emotionally hurt the kids.  While you are lying too make the father look bad by saying, "he doesn't want you", etc. you are only tearing them down emotionally just to make him look bad.  Just think, if your father is in your life and always have been, how would you have felt if your mom did not let you see them? Do you think that you would have the relationship that you all have now? Now don't get me wrong there are exceptions but if he is a good dad, do not be revengeful just because you feel you have the upper hand.

Introduce Your Baby Father To Your New Mate

A man has an ego and there are a lot of women who will meet various guys and have them calling the man daddy just to make the father jealous because the relationship did not work out. Get on with your life and let them mingle as long as it is going to be something long term. Kids should not meet every guy or woman the parents date anyway for a while because if the relationship fails, they will be hurt also. The step parents, spouses, etc. should always respect the other parent by not taking over the important role of mommy and daddy. Be mindful of their feelings too, I guarantee those kids are their pride and joy and that is taking it too far.  Also by letting him meet your new mate he will feel more comfortable with the kids around him.


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    • Mz Quene Bee profile image

      Aquene 4 years ago from Charlotte, North Carolina

      Thanks for this hub! So many young women need to read things like this and maybe, just maybe our children would have less problems. Unhealthy relationships between mother and father only allows creates a cycle of further unhealthy relationships. If children don't observe healthy relationships they will struggle with building healthy relationships themselves.

    • stacies29 profile image

      stacies29 6 years ago from Washington DC

      I totally agree....thanks SPLITPERSONaLiTy

    • SPLITPERSONaLiTy profile image

      SPLITPERSONaLiTy 7 years ago from NYC

      This is pretty cool. However I sense you're typing from the mindset of custody automatically going to the woman. Custody should go to the parent who's able to take care of the childs needs. In any case, this is a great read! Check out some things I have to say. We seem to be on the same page....Sort of. LOL!