My Life - Is this normal?

I awoke in the arms of my lover, I could hear no other sounds in the house so I felt secure that we would not be disturbed. In my home that is a huge consideration when doing anything for myself. For the next 3 minutes I was in heaven, Ok maybe it was 5, I don’t know I wasn’t looking at the clock, for all I know it could have been 10. All I know it was over after satisfaction had been reached by both parties. I gave myself a minute or to compose myself before rolling out of bed getting my day started.

Smiling to myself as I got out of bed on my way to make coffee, I stepped over the laundry basket filled with shoes, that is our baby blockade, I slid through a warm pile of dog poop. Cuuurrrtttiiisss!! Couldn’t he have waited just a minute or two more? He is our newest pup and having the hardest time toilet training. No that isn’t true, he goes to the bathroom just fine. It’s his choices of places to go that I don’t like, he is perfectly carpet trained. It isn’t just one pile, he is a walking pooper, so one has to be on the look out for land mines at all times.

I put on the coffee and sat down to my computer to open up my HubPages, as is my usual  custom of waking.  I felt the need to check out any comments and respond the best I could.  I had a couple ideas of Hubs that I wanted to write so I got started on that.  My husband was still laying in bed watching the TV as I wrote.  From time to time I’d yell his way to ask him what ‘that’ word was, as I gave him a description of the word I was looking for.  I guess it’s my way of including him in my world, besides it was him to did all the hard work on what I was writing about.

Every now and then I’d catch him looking at me in the most peculiar way, it was almost if I was talking to a brick wall.  Finally I figured out what he was doing…  Oh goodie, he was trying to look up my nightgown.  Apparently we weren’t ’finished’, that was just the appetizer, I guess I would have to get some 'romantical' thoughts in my head.  

When he saw that I was in my ’zone’ of working he had given up for the time being, it was time to get the day started.  Bless his heart, as I was writing my second Hub, he cleaned my entire kitchen! 

My daughter had taken the baby with her and would be gone for the day, my other daughter was gone as well. It looked as though we would have the house to ourselves for a while.

After the kitchen was finished, my hubby decided to head outside to see what he could do to prepare for the winter in our yard. Since the dogs make such a mess with all the things they drag around this would be a chore. He was coming in and out, he even took care of the old desk that was sitting up against the wall from the week before. My daughter had decided to clean her room and rather than take care of anything ,just left it in our living space for us to take care of. Aren’t adult kids great!

Because it has been getting cooler I had shut off the air, so the open door didn’t hurt a darned thing. Except for the flies. Did you know that flies like to prepare for winter too? Yep, they must have heard of the free rent I offer to my kids and figured they might as well get in on it. They must have also heard that I have a pellet burner that I use to keep warm in the winter with and wanted to get in on that action as well.

My oldest daughter called and asked what I was making for dinner (this is getting to be a habit of hers) and when I told her chicken fried chicken, she sounded intrigued. So much for planning a nice quiet day, in my world there is no such thing. Since it was something I had never made before she wanted some. So now I would have guests for dinner. Before long she came over with her two children Nathain and Riley. They are my boys! Little cutie pies. I’m the Memaw and they love me. Nathain likes my yard and everything in it, he was helping Papa with hauling brush around. Well, helping as much as a 3 year old can.

Nathain and I went traipsing through my yard (it’s a BIG yard) looking for elderberries in the far back corner. Because the weeds were so high he had to ride on my shoulders. Nope, none there this year, maybe the birds got them all.   We headed back and as we were doing so, my youngest daughter decided to yell and ask if Nathain wanted to go with her. Of course he did. After he left my eldest daughter decided she needed to go back home to do something, she left and took Riley.

Ahhh, alone at last with my hubby!  He came in and we thought we might have a little romance happening (again).  As I fell into his arms and became wrapped within the warmth of his embrace, we were once again disturbed.  This time it wasn’t kids or dogs, it was those darned pesky flies who were trying to get free rent.  I don’t know about you, but I certainly can’t feel romantic when there are flies buzzing around my head. 

So we each grabbed a fly swatter and off we went, in search of our prey.  There weren’t just one or two flies, there were hundreds!  Where on earth did they come from?  Did someone put an ad in the paper offering free rent?  Maybe someone put out a ‘flyer’?  Bad joke, couldn’t help it.  So my hubby and I went on our fly killing rampage.  He’d knock em’ down and I’d smash em’.  His swatter is older and more worn than mine so it doesn’t do much damage, it seemed as though they were just being stunned by his.  I had to show him how to properly kill a fly!  Before long the nice clean kitchen floor was littered with dead bodies.  Well that was fun.  Time to sweep again!

Geez, now after all that exercise I felt I needed a nap, so I proceeded to lay down on the couch.  I am a lucky woman, because my husband started preparing the chicken for me.  He throws a mean meat pounder!  As I start to drift off to the sounds of chicken being beaten to a pulp, the phone rings.  Of course, what else did I expect?  My daughter calling to see if her son was back.  Nope, not yet.  Well I’m good and awake now.

Everything was ready for dinner to be prepared, we could relax for a minute.  Curtis decided that it was time to snuggle up to Daddy on the couch.  Go figure, I’m the one who stepped in doody, he should be sucking up to me.  My hubby asked me “How does he know I’m the master?”  I told him “He’s just guessing.”  Was that mean?  Dang menopause!

It was time to start dinner so I began, after it was about half way done I called my daughter to see if she was on her way.  And of course I got yelled at, for starting dinner too soon.  Hmmm, I’m gonna have to do something about that kid!  “Well, it’s almost done and if you want it while it’s hot, you’d better get here”.  Dinner was perfect!  It was one of those moments in time that I’d like to freeze frame.  The chicken was fried to perfection sitting in the toaster oven keeping warm, the gravy was seasoned to perfection, the best that I’d ever made.  The mess was cleaned up waiting for those who would be eating.  Crap, I’m out of dish soap now!  My hubby wanted to know why I didn’t have any, “Well, geez I forgot!  But I did remember to buy toilet paper!” 

The stragglers started appearing, first my youngest daughter with Nathain and her boyfriend, Adam. The potatoes weren’t done yet, but since they were instant it would only take a couple minutes to make. They started eating before the rest was finished. Ok I could see how my dinner was going to go now, normal (for me). Dinner was going to be eaten in shifts.

My eldest daughter finally arrived bringing the salad. I wasn’t even out there to enjoy the moment. It seemed as though the banana I had eaten earlier was disagreeing with me. I could hear the sounds of everyone telling me how good it was from my ‘throne‘. Finally I made my way to the dining room where everyone was enjoying the meal that I had prepared for them. I even had cheesecake for dessert! How together am I?

Once again after dinner was done everyone went outside, left me with the mess. Well, truly since I didn’t have any dishwashing liquid, it stands to reason we couldn’t do the dishes. I’m NOT planning on using baby shampoo to wash my dishes with (as my husband suggested) I don’t care how soft it will make the dishes, or my hands.

Just before dark everyone left me and my husband alone one more time! He needed to do his laundry so he could go to work at 2 am. So he proceeded to strip and sit in the living room in all his naked glory, while his clothes were being washed. For all you ladies out there, yes he does his own laundry. He might be a Narcissist but he does help me from time to time, by taking care of some things!

I thought that I had spent enough time off the computer and my HubPages might be falling apart if I was not on to watch it. So on the computer came, in my comfy computer chair I sat and HubPages popped up before my eyes. I did a little scanning to see what I could find, new Hubs and what not.

Apparently my husband decided, somewhere in his train of thought, that I might find lighting farts to be romantic. I promised him, as he was parading around the house naked looking for something to light those farts with, that if he lit his butt hair on fire I would laugh. Something in my voice made him stop, he knew I was serious, I really would laugh. I probably wouldn’t even be able get the fire extinguisher, cause I would be laughing too hard. He thought better of his plan, decided to wait until he had jeans on.

Next thing we knew our peace and quiet was being disturbed once again.  Our youngest daughter came back home, he had to scramble to the bedroom to get something on.  All his clothes were in the washer.  The only thing he could find was my pink fluffy robe.  I think my daughters boyfriend was impressed, well the snort he made when he seen him sure sounded impressive.

Finally when we both came to the conclusion that we were not EVER going to get anymore alone time, he decided to jump in the shower and go to work.  He hollers out to me “Would you please put my clothes in the dryer?”  Sure.  So I go in the laundry room, Huh…  Lookie there.  He forgot to put the lid down, they had just been sitting in there soaking all this time.  Lucky for him he had his big truck here, so out the door in my pink robe he went to get some more clothes.  Wonder what the neighbors thought?  Maybe “It takes a secure man to wear fluffy pink?”

He left for work early, knowing that at least he can get some sleep in his truck, something that is not entirely guaranteed here at the house.  I went into my bathroom to get my night gown on, and the next thing I know I’m screaming my fool head off.  There is the biggest  spider I have ever seen, by my shower door.  Oh great!  Now the flies have invited the spiders!!  I’m screaming for Adam (my youngest daughter’s boyfriend) to put on his shoes (why he takes them off here I’ll never know!)  Did I ever mention I’m terrified of spiders?  Well I am.  You try screaming your head off while being naked, trying to put your nightgown on while not getting eaten by a spider.  Ended up with the darned thing on backwards.  Everyone had to come running.  My other daughter who had been gone all day, had returned home when I went in there.  They all wanted to see how big it was, in the process the spider must have decided ‘well, they are taking long enough, I might as well leave’.