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How to find your Perfect Partner?

Updated on June 27, 2019
Elia Hasan profile image

Sharing the tips and tricks I used to find my perfect partner.

You shouldn't keep a tab on the time or the years or the days till you find them. It happens on its own. That's the law of nature and all we need to do is have faith and patience. But to get to that person, you have to start with making yourself the perfect partner for someone else. Look at yourself from a third person perspective and analyze yourself.

Questions you need to ask yourself.

  • Would you want to be with a person like you?
  • Are you a good human?
  • Do you good to others?
  • Can you be a building block in someone's life?
  • Can you take care of another person?
  • Would you run away from responsibilities or not?
  • Could you love someone selflessly?
  • Do you have all the qualities you seek in the other person?

Be honest to yourself while answering these questions and if the answer is yes to all these questions then you are on the right track because how do you expect to find the perfect partner if you are not perfect yourself? It's easy to jot down all the qualities you seek in a partner but if someone has all those qualities, why would they want to be with you if you are lesser than them. Be the person you want to spend the rest of your life with and that's when you will attract such people towards you.

They tell us to think positive and good will happen. It's the same way you attract people towards yourself. If you are good, you will attract good and vice versa. We always surround ourselves with like-minded people and have something in common. Similarly, you should have things in common with your would-be partner too. Extreme opposites partners, it's always a gamble. It can turn into a very exhausting relationship or it can be lit! But it's always a gamble and not an absolute.

What happened when I asked myself these questions?

I was shocked at the realization. I was nowhere close to what I was seeking. It was the case of extreme opposites. I wanted someone calm, composed and someone who can hold me down in case I go crazy. I had a lot to work upon. First I needed to learn how to calm myself on my own if I go crazy and not entirely depend on or expect someone else to do that for me. You need to learn to love yourself then only someone else will love you. Trust me, no one likes a sob story.

A lot of people might say that you should just love yourself the way you are and not feel less than anyone. But it's not about how you look or how you dress. It's about being a good person or being not too aggressive. How can you love yourself when you are not a good human or if you don't do good to others or if you start beating the shit out of people when you are pissed off. That's probably you being in denial to accept the faults in you. We all love to think good about ourselves and we have this image of ourselves in our head which is also of a saint but deep down we always know what's wrong and what's not. This is a fight you will have to win with yourself.

Who do you think would make a better couple ?

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What was the outcome?

It wasn't easy for me either. I always thought of myself as a little girl who had been a victim of shitty childhood and sought my way out through a lot of things. Talking about relationships, I dated people knowing that I will leave them. Why? Someone cheated on me and I cheated on someone else. Is there any difference between the two? No. But I empathized with myself on being cheated by someone else. I wanted a person to love me and take care of me while I just wanted to play the victim in everything. Instead of loving me, people took advantage of my weakness. That's how the world is, cruel. Nobody is going to pick you up if you can't stand on your own. You would always be a burden on someone else.

So, stand up and take charge of your life, your happiness, and everything you ever wanted in life. Life isn't easy or fair. You gotta go out there and get it. Keep your head high and walk like nothing can kill you. That's when people would respect you. That's when you will respect yourself and that's when you won't settle for anything less than you deserve.

But the question still remains, how long did I wait for?

I waited until I became the person I would want to be with and I found him.

Comments

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    • Elia Hasan profile imageAUTHOR

      Elia Hasan 

      9 months ago from India

      Hello dashingscorpio,

      Thank you so much for reading my hub and for giving your view. I totally agree with all the 4 steps you mentioned. Yours are more precise than mine. But we understand this only after we have wasted a few years running behind the wrong person. That's another law of nature I believe.

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      9 months ago from Chicago

      Sound advice!

      "I was nowhere close to what I was seeking." - Very true!

      Most people are quick to make a list of their "must haves" traits and based upon those very traits they wouldn't date themselves!

      Another issue people don't want to discuss is how often someone will aim out of their league. Lets face it, if a guy looks like Danny DeVito he most likely will not end up with a Charlize Theron.

      The same is true of a woman who looks like Chrissy Metz and wants to date men who look like Zac Efron or Brad Pitt. Not likely!

      Don't expect to sit next to the moon unless (you) are a star!

      I believe compatibility trumps compromise.

      Like attracts like and opposites attract divorce attorneys!

      There is no amount of "work" or "communication" which can overcome being with someone who simply does NOT want what you want. My four steps for finding one's ideal mate are:

      1. Become a (me) expert.

      As you suggested take some time to do some introspective thinking. Too often we pursue relationships without having taken the time to figure out who (we) are let alone know what we want/need in a mate.

      We allow "impulsive connections" and "happenstance" to dictate our relationship choices. It's the equivalent of going shopping without a list!

      2. Write down every trait, hobby, or possible career and education your ideal mate would have, where they're likely to dine, shop, work out, travel, along with activities they'd engage in for fun...etc.

      3. Transference - Imagine being THEM!

      Ask yourself if you were him/her would you want YOU? If the answer is "no" then cultivate the traits you believe this person would want.

      4. Get out there!

      In order to meet anyone you have to "run in the same circles". If you have been very detailed with step #2 you have a good idea as to where you should be spending your time. In addition there are online dating sites/apps, Meetup.com hobby groups, and Singlescruise.com along with all the other traditional places to meet new people.

      If you want something different you have to do something different. The law of attraction does not replace the law of action!

      Even a lottery winner has to buy a ticket!

      Elia, This is a great topic!

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