- Gender and Relationships»
The Joy of Romance
There are many ideas that couples bring into their marriage. One of the most storied would be, the thought of living happily every after. Well, if that were to happen most would agree, keeping romance alive and well would be a very important component.
Technically romance is a set of actions described as offering lavish personal attention, speaking influential and flattering words or giving thoughtful and favorable gifts. There are various arenas where the idea of romance could be applied for a desired end. For example, a non-profit agency director may be said to romance potential donors. A college recruiter could be known to romance the star high school prospect.
In a marriage relationship the concept of romance deals with an entirely different set of motives. Romance is a two way street or better yet, super highway, where the exchange is unselfishly participated by both parties.
The idea of romance in a marital context is built on the better idea of not giving to get but giving to love. You may say what does love have to do with romance? Everything. As a spouse gives without regard for ulterior gain an atmosphere of love and respect takes shape. This allows for romance to flourish. When this kind of atmosphere is in place there is a landscape that promotes very creative romance on a consistent basis.
As we mentioned earlier romance is primarily a set of special actions toward another. Let’s explore this understanding a bit deeper as it relates to marriage. We’ll look at three major areas where romance can be expressed very powerfully.
Personal Attention – Think back to the time when you first fell in love. Most likely the specific and special attention you gave and received reminds you of the wonderful romance of your relationship. The constant idea exchanges about your favorite subjects, your deepest desires and your greatest aspirations. You realized that despite the ups and downs or other stresses in life, this personal attention was a very welcomed interaction in your life, which in fact translated into romance.
These expressions of romance were in the form of personal attention focused on acts of civility and courtesy during your courtship. It was that little extra stare or lingering look of adoration and appreciation that made all the difference. The energizing engagement where time seemed to slow down and sticking to a schedule seem the farthest thing from a priority. This often happened happen as easily on the phone as in person.
Language – As we know words are powerful. In romance it’s important to use words that energize, uplift and empower gratitude toward your spouse. In order to get this right we must gain insight through careful unselfish observation to use our words for their greatest and highest value generation. In light of that we may conclude that it’s not just what you say but how you say it that often defines whether it qualifies as romance. For example, you say to your wife, “ nice dress honey” versus “ Wow! You look so nice in that dress! The extra five words and context make the second statement much more romantic even though the idea is basically the same.
Again consider that language romance is all about the choice of words even in the simplest things. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a wife saying to her husband, “ I know you’re busy but I would really appreciate you taking the time to fix that sliding door, its been broken for a while." The statement is concise, polite and clear, but I submit not much romance involved in it. On the other hand if that same result was desired from a wife who was practicing “ romance language “ she might say, “ sweetheart I can’t seem to figure out why that sliding door keeps getting stuck, you’re so smart with stuff like that, would you help me get it straighten out? "
Besides the word sweetheart being used in both sentences, it’s the way the other “regular words” are used that change the whole dynamic. Of course your comments needs to be receive as authentic and sincere. Although the vocabulary usage may be different than in our examples the essence of the message remain when considering language as a vehicle for romance.
Gifts – Most everyone enjoys receiving a gift. The great thing about giving as it relates to romance in marriage is - it doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate and is arguably more effective when it is not. The idea for romance in this manner has little to do with cost or market value. It has everything to do with intention and motive.
The biggest opportunity of giving in this manner is to really put yourself in your spouses “ shoes “ and mentally walk around with them on for a while until you get the idea of what’s important to them. Since this is about them think of it as an adventure that brings romance into your relationship. When you think of a gift start with the simple before going for the complex.
Often times by thinking about something that supports a favorite cause or interest of your spouse you can give a wonderful bit of romance by finding an article online, a magazine or in the paper that says look how these people love the same thing you do. Next, maybe it’s a song, a radio or podcast program, which does the same thing that you discover and share.
After these more economical offerings there are always the more traditional gifts like flowers, candy, a day spa treatment for her or a gift card for the golf shop for him. The idea here is to spare no expense on more pricey gifts that you may give on a monthly or more frequent basis that show you desire to “ spoil ” your spouse whenever possible. The key is not what you would want but what they will find wonderfully exciting and moving when thinking that you took the time and investment to be so thoughtful of them.
Of course there is a LOT more to romance than just these concepts and considerations. However, this should be a great starting place to launch a life long pursuit of Romance A Better Idea.
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