Not In Love With You, but I Love You
Can you love someone, but not be "in love"?
A promise of love in a long term relationship is more of a journey that passes through many different phases. That love remains through challenges and hardships. That love remains in sickness and even in the face of death.
Some people have very specific guidelines that they look for in a mate. They look for someone that is sexually attractive, looks a certain way, dresses a certain way, has a certain job, certain education, shares hobbies, makes us laugh, and helps us feel good. Almost all of these things may also disappear over time. Our likes and dislikes change over time. True love is not dependant on our current likes and dislikes. True love is caring so much about another that we surrender to a power much larger than us. When everything else disappears, what we have left is the love we have given and the love we have received.
In a true relationship, it is impossible to always like the other person at all times. It is normal to feel anger towards those we love at times. If relationships were based on whether or not we felt totally "in love" at all times, then no relationship would ever be successful. At the end of the day, love is a witness to our lives. It's that person that we share our true self with. Good, bad, ugly; that's love.
For some, commitment means fear. Fear that they will perhaps lose their identity. Fear of keeping that promise of love. The thought of surrendering to these feelings will make a person run from commitment. Without commitments, they are basically alone. They answer to no one and; therefore, can't disappoint those that love them. Those that fear commitment, have nothing to care about and nothing to love deeply.
Some people want proof that what they commit to will work out exactly as they'd like it to. Without that proof, they will often times let a perfect opportunity slip away because they are too fearful. This only leads to more lonliness and sadness. If you are commitment phobic, you will find yourself running from relationship to relationship and never quite being able to identify what it is that you are missing. You have a need to keep your options open and in the process end up with no one. Never connected, but always isolated and alone.
Love is bigger than us. It isn't about a mood or a situation. It is what gives our lives deeper meaning. Love is magic. It has endless possibilities and promise. Circumstances can change, but true love can remain with commitment.