- Gender and Relationships
Old School Compared to Now--Social Situations, Flirting and Relationships
Nobody Could Find A Partner For Life
When I was young, socializing and dating was much different than it seems to be now. My oldest son has been looking for a girlfriend for half his life, and now, going onto 34 years old, he still has not found the right girl for his life.
It isn't just him either. I have noticed that all the young people that are from the same generation as my children, all seem to be having problems finding the right person, seem to be having problems also getting a stable home life started, and most of them seem to not know what they want in a partner.
When I began questioning a younger friend of mine, she told me that she just wanted a guy who had a nice personality, who knew what they were doing or where they were headed in life, were ready to settle down into some kind of home life that was something more than partying. She told me that all the guys she knew drank too much, or didn't have jobs, or were not ready to settle down with just one person, but were into dating more than one person at a time.
I did not want to talk to my son about this subject, so I went out and found one of my husbands younger brothers who I felt I could speak candidly with, and who was not married.
I told him what I was researching, and he said he would gladly talk to me about this particular subject, for he also was having problems finding a nice girl to settle down with, for he was a little over 45 years old, had a good job, and still seemed unable to attract somebody who wanted more than someone to just go out with and party.
\ What had me puzzled though, was that I had a preconceived idea that it was a male-female problem, when after some investigations and questioning found out that both sexes had the same or near the same complaints.
guides to flirting
So what was causing this drift apart between the guys and the girls in our social circles?
One problem I noticed right away was that when my generation was single and going out, we had someplace to go. Some of us went to a small local church where they had activities, and we also had a rather large gathering of friends that spent a lot of time at the beach, surfing, B-B-Que, we had one friend who had a boat and we went to the lake to ski quite often, and there was rarely a day off from work that was not filled with some kind of healthy activity. These functions were safe because everyone came with their group of friends, meaning both male and females were present. This gave the young people someplace to go to meet others that was not just a bar full of strangers.
My husband and I sat down with paper and pencil to actually write down the differences between how our generation was, and how this generation was going about looking for social functions and activities where there was actually the possibility of meeting someone of the other sex.
Here are the results we came up with. Old school generation had priorities that were quite different than what seemed to be the normal thing today. Old school priorities put pressure on folks to find a job and set up a household when you were old enough to move out of mom's house. From there we filled our time off with those fun things we like to do, and that is where we found those people we ended up dating.
Also there is a distinct difference in the communication and the seriousness in which we dealt with each other. For example back in the day, it was not an everyday occurrence to move in with someone. Now it seems like that men and women move in with each other, sometimes under the label of boyfriends and girlfriends, or sometimes under the label of roommates, however, it does not take long for the roommates to move into the same bedroom. It also does not take long before the couple has a fight, and one or the other will move right back out. Old schooler's were quite a bit more cautious, for it was considered a big step to move in with someone.
As far as flirting goes, I think that flirting has remained the same pretty much. I think that the one thing that has given this generation some difficulties though is that there is not the same number or quality of social gatherings that there used to be. Social circles are much smaller, the kind of community organizations have dwindled to almost nonexistent, and even things like block parties do not happen anymore. Groups of friends that went to school together have scattered and when everyone goes to the beach to surf on Sundays, it is more like a family gathering than a community gathering.
Is there anything that we can do to change any of these things? From my point of view, I don't think so, except maybe to be aware, and maybe know that these things have put you at a disadvantage and deal with it from now on. Take all of your relationships seriously, and be very careful to take your time, be patient and kind, use your manners, and care for the one your with, just like the song says......