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Online Dating: Finding the Perfect Match

Updated on June 30, 2014
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Online Dating and Personality Types

No two people are alike, but there are basically two personality types: the extrovert and the introvert. An extrovert personality is thought of as being outgoing and social, while an introvert is considered quiet, reserved and even shy. This author is of the introvert personality. Recognizing one’s own personality type is useful in the world of dating. Being an introvert, time spent exploring one’s own thoughts and feelings may be interpreted by an extrovert as isolating oneself. From childhood to the present I’ve always had the need to be alone at times. These moments of isolation are for contemplation in order to make rational evaluations. Perhaps an introvert is simply a deep thinker. This is not meant to be condescending, it simply means that an introvert may spend more time thinking and evaluating a situation to the dismay of an extrovert. Time spent alone in self-examination is not always met with understanding or patience with an extroverted personality type. These can be early clues as to whether there is a personality match. In my experience, an extrovert tends to categorize me as cold and distant when in fact, I am simply taking time to analyze a situation or person. It is my belief that an introvert will not rush to make judgement. A smaller group of intimate friends is of more importance than a large group known only superficially. Larger is not better in every sense. Ultimately, there is no right or wrong in personality types. We are who we are. Acceptance of other’s differences is what is important if one is seeking a partner in life. Opposite personality types can complement one another. An extrovert can bring out an introvert and an introvert can encourage the extrovert to slow down and take time to think. Opposites can bring balance to a relationship.

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Peanut Butter and Jelly

Whether extrovert or introvert one should seek either like-minded partners, or a partner that complements one. If one feels the need to dumb themselves down or put on airs to match their potential mate then one should rethink the relationship. Who wants to be around someone who thinks they are better than everyone else? Intellectual competiveness is a turn off. The true indication of a promising relationship is if one feels their intellect is appreciated for what it is, not judged by an IQ score. After all, aren’t we searching for a partner who will accept us for who we are, not for a fabricated personality that one thinks is the ideal? Let’s not fool ourselves into thinking there is a formula for attracting the perfect mate. The perfect mate is the one that will accept and wants the real you. The difference between introverts and extroverts may be difficult for either to understand. But, that is exactly what may be the attraction for both. It is intriguing and can be a mystery that each can spend a lifetime trying to unravel. Let’s not think that finding a mate that is an exact match to oneself is the ideal match. A challenging relationship is not necessarily a negative relationship. We can all learn from one that is not like oneself. A partner can be viewed as peanut butter to jelly. Alone they are one dimensional, but in combination they are delicious! It makes for a never-ending interesting relationship.

Opposites Attract

I’ll label myself as an introvert but that does not mean that I am shy. When it came time to write a profile about myself I was at a loss for words. So, I sought advice from friends and asked them to describe me. My friends described me as quiet, reserved, with a great sense of humor. Also, they told me that I have a tendency to disappear……..poof…..…one minute I am there and the next minute I am gone. I never realized that. When I am somewhere with a large group of people and I feel I have had enough of being surrounded by a large crowd, I will leave without giving a thought that anyone would ever notice. My thought is, “who will even notice that I have left?”. Apparently, my friends have noticed. Don’t get the wrong impression…….I do enjoy the company of others. But, there are times when I need time alone. This should not be taken as an insult to others. An extrovert, on the other hand, seem to want or need the exact opposite. They thrive on being in the company of others. They have a need to connect with people in person, not just by a phone call or email. To some, it may appear that an introvert and an extrovert would not be a compatible match in a relationship. On the contrary, opposites can provide balance. I’ve been told that I am a great listener, and isn’t that what an extrovert needs, someone that is willing to listen to them? An introvert has a tendency to seek solitude to gather one’s thoughts and spend time in contemplation. Being an introvert, my view of an extrovert leans towards the thought that an extrovert is a personality that is needy. That is not meant as a negative. For me, I’ve been drawn to extroverted personalities. Most of my friends are extroverts. They seem to lead busy, busy lives and flutter about endlessly. But, in their time of need, they always seem to contact me. Is it any wonder? When their lives come to a crashing halt or something devastating happens, they call me. And, I am more than happy to accommodate them. If someone calls, emails or texts when they are in dire straits, I want nothing more than to provide comfort for them. That what friends are for, right? Think of this in a male female relationship. Wouldn’t you want to be “the one” your partner comes running to in their time of need? There needs to be balance in a relationship and opposites may attract and provide the balance that is necessary in maintaining a long-term relationship.

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