- Gender and Relationships»
- Dating & Online Dating
Online Dating: How to Attract Women
Tug of War
Long after my first experiences with online dating I read an article about push-pull psychology. Pushing forward then pulling back to tease a woman. Without even realizing it I had been the object of this type of relationship with another Italian man (why so many Italians?). His first contact was an instant message in which he complimented me on my beauty. His profile did not have a photo so, I gave him a smart remark back, “thank you but I can’t say the same about you”. This goes against what most people write about profiles without a photo, you’ll never find anyone if you don’t post a photo. In the beginning, I did not want to chat with him but he was persistent. Whenever I was online he would pop up in the chat room and write something to me. He pursued me. He seemed very interested when he first contacted me and we chatted for about a month, then he disappeared for a couple of months. He reappeared and we chatted steadily for about two months, then the contact became less frequent. This is the idea behind push-pull, show your interest then pull back and make her wonder if you’re serious or not. I don’t believe it was a calculated move on the part of the Italian, it was just how our relationship played out. The idea is for a man to lead a woman in the direction he wants. Not all women will follow of course, so move on to the next if she does not. Women may not like reading this and it may sound manipulative, but without realizing it, I became an example of push-pull. For anyone that is curious…….I’m flying to Italy this summer to meet “the Italian”.
Foot in Mouth Disease
This hub is not going to list "cute" or "sure fire" pick-up lines for men to use on women. I've read lists of the top opening lines and they may work to get a woman to respond initially, but then what? Men seem to be at a loss after the bait is taken. Just remember what's important is not what you say, but what you don't say. It's the old "foot in mouth" disease. Years ago I overheard a man say to a woman, “if loving you was a crime I’d be in solitary confinement”. She ran for the exit. Think of the strong, silent type, but one cannot remain silent forever. It only takes a few words to kill the mystery. Just remember Mies van der Rohe’s quote, “less is more”. All a man really has to do is give a woman an opening, most women love to talk. Just be a good listener. If you don’t know what to say, just listen. As much of a cliché as it sounds, play hard to get. People always want what they can’t (or think they can’t) have. Personally, I detest playing games, but I will admit I’ve witnessed these methods work with other people. Just don’t overdo it or it could backfire on you. This should be done in the spirit of fun not cruelty. Even physical appearance isn't as important as men may think. This author discovered this to be true during an online relationship. There was a man from Italy (I had a profile on an international dating site) that wrote an instant message to me one night. I viewed his profile (he had three photos) and I will admit that initially I found him unattractive. He wrote, "hi". Now, some articles I've read have noted that "hi" is one of the worst opening lines a person could use. I happen to disagree. It is simple and pure. I wrote, "hi", back. From there we began chatting for several weeks. We even skyped two or three times. The man I initially found unattractive grew on me, and when I viewed his photos again, I thought he was cute. How the mind works is a wonder. What I noticed about European men is that they wrote less than American men, maybe because of the language barrier. Most wrote they felt their English was not that good, but I found their English more than adequate, they just felt self-conscious. We all have our fears and insecurities about our physical appearance or lack of eloquence in speaking, but what we need most of all is self-confidence. Don't allow self-confidence to turn into arrogance. The biggest turn off of all. What really captured my attention from every man that contacted me, that I chose to correspond with, was a sense of humor. If a man has the ability to make a woman smile or laugh then he is golden. Online dating should be fun after all.
Concentrate on the Basics
- Bathe regularly and before you meet your date. I read a hub in which a woman went to meet a date, and he didn’t bother to take a shower until she showed up. He waited until he saw her until he decided to bathe. She took off while he was in the shower and I don’t blame her.
- Don’t post a photo of yourself in a “wife-beater” shirt holding a can of beer. I’ve seen profiles like this. Do you really think you will attract anyone? Dress appropriately and if you don’t know what that means then you should not be on an online dating site.
- Work on your physical appearance, meaning weight, if you state in your profile that you are seeking a physically fit mate. Don’t expect something if you are not prepared to offer the same. A better mindset would be to be comfortable in your own skin and to be accepting of someone else in their skin. Don’t expect more than you are able to offer.
- Be genuinely kind and respectful. If it is not in one’s nature then one needs to put in the effort if one wants to attract a mate. It didn’t matter how nice a date treated me, if he did not treat a waiter or waitress with respect, then all respect was lost. How one treats others is of the utmost importance. If it is an act then time will reveal the true nature of anyone.
Don’t take yourself so seriously, be light-hearted if you want to attract a woman. Online dating, or any kind of dating, is supposed to be fun.