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People Dont Like Stress - How to Make People Want to Hang Around You

Updated on September 3, 2017
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Matthew is a college student who is passionate about writing. He lives in Nigeria, West Africa.

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Have you ever wondered why it’s a little difficult for some people to get along well with you? But while with others, they’ll be so loud that you’d begin to wonder, I thought this guy was usually a little reserved while talking to me, how come he’s so loud all of a sudden.

Well, if you happen to find yourself in the same scenario as the one above, wondering why you or some other fellow you know isn’t as free as you’d like them to when they’re around you, the answer is simple: you aren’t giving enough.

Giving Enough?

You see, you can’t try to get money from where you did not invest anything. In the same way, you can’t expect connection from where you never invested anything. In this case, what you ought to invest to get a latter harvest is a seed of love.

What’s a seed of love? A seed of love is embedded in the notion that you have of people that they need love and you’re ready to give it to them. Now if you’re going to provide a need for someone, it must have occurred that you saw that need. And to see that need you have to stop being too serious; you have to stop treating people with excessive propriety.

You must understand that when you treat them with too much seriousness or propriety, without any mixture of a spirit of friendship or humour—you’re stressing them with emotional difficulty. People are not predominantly wired for such. You should always try not to be too serious; every once in a while you should try to play some humor with them, laugh a little bit more, look at them and smile, say nice things about them, play with them in ways you know how.

It’s when you’re able to do this that you’ll begin to see that they want to hang around you more; they’re becoming free and unrestrained around you, and so on. The goal is to free them, and you’ll only be able to do that when you stop acting too seriously when you’re around them.


Most times when people are stressed out, especially females, they begin to act like strict, hostile, or like someone demanding some veneration. Don’t be deceived or carried away, it’s all dramatic pretense; it’s just a subtle way of saying, “you don’t love me.” When that happens, you must learn to look beyond the façade or “what it look like” and decode the person behind the dramatic pretense.

Now, who’s the person behind the dramatic pretense? The person behind the drama is simply someone who’s expressing discontent as a result of stress that’s accumulated over a period of time. This happens because of lack of love shown or absence of the seed of friendship or paucity in camaraderie seed plantation. You need to be friendly with people on a regular basis otherwise you’ll ‘stress’ them out and they’ll begin to take it out on you later.

Who’s Going to Go First?

Now you might be wondering, “but I also have needs I. I also want to feel loved. I expect them to come to cater for mine first, must I always be the one to initiate the friendly gestures?” Well, the answer is an emphatic yes! You have to be the one. Before I tell you why you have to be the one, let me let you in on 2 powerful quotes that affirms my assertion strongly:

  • · “You can make more friends in two months by becoming more interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”—Dale Carnegie.
  • · “Do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets”—Jesus Christ (Matthew 7:12, NIV).

Having listed the 2 quotes above, I would like to add that waiting for others is a subtle way of telling them to run away from you. Remember, people don’t like stress, and when you are waiting for them, they’ll normally assume one of two things:

  • · You’re seeing them as a little more outgoing than you are, so you’re expecting them to initiate the conversation.
  • · You’re actually very much a sanguine (especially if you seem to comfortably converse with some other people), but you don’t like them, and that’s why you’re not initiating the friendly gestures with them.

You see, under both assumptions that you make people think of you, you put them in so much pressure and stress that they just can’t think of anything else other than to ignore you. Come to think of it, from the 2 assumptions above we can adduce this:

(1) They are put under the pressure of being the “more outgoing counterpart” hence they have to try to live up to that expectation instead of being free to be who they are, they have to begin to fake a personality.

(2) They’re made to assume you don’t like them. This can result in them disliking you.

What do you think of that? It’s really not good to have them assume such opinions about you. Ignorance is birthed out of assumptions You don’t have to leave them in the dark assuming all the junk stuffs about you. You can drive out that obscurity by planting the seed of love.

Again, people don’t like stress, and anything you do consciously or unconsciously that frightens or stresses them will result in their utterly ignoring you. That’s the response to stress—they’ll either hate on you or ignore you! Little wonder Dale Carnegie hinted that you’d barely make friends this way.

Faith In Your Love

Love can be doubted very easily. The dubiety of love is so easy that it’ll require constant reaffirmation to give an assurance to people about the surety of your love for them.

It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re kin to someone; you’ll always be required to speak the love language to them every time. Love has a language, if you don’t speak it, it dies. Love, like faith, is revealed in words and action. Your words and actions have to constantly re-affirm your love, lest you’ll be stressing people out when you relate to them. Little wonder many of them get cranky, flustered, reserved, and un-commutative when relating to you.

If you have a problem with making people assured of your love for them, say, it’s not naturally in you; you can start by practicing. But if you still want to feel like it before you do it, you should ask yourself this question, “in my relationship with people, am I being motivated by fear and selfishness or by faith and love?” You don’t want to discover it’s your selfishness that makes your relationship stink and still want to continue that way.

Now when you make a decision to live for love instead of selfishness, you’ll come to discover that an inner fulfillment will overwhelm your heart. It’s a law that when you give people what they want, you’ll always get what you need. And boy, how do people need love! People are always craving love. Love is an intrinsic need of everyone you know. When you commit yourself to providing that need, everything begins to work out for you relationally and socially.

People will always want to hang around you because, now, you’re not scaring them or stressing them, but giving them exactly what they need—love.

When people know they’re loved, they become different. They’re free to act as they wish, they aren’t inhibited by fear, and they’re free to be themselves instead of hiding under the shell of phoniness or pretense. This is how to free people of stress, avoid any emotional difficulty and have a pleasant relationship with them.


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    • celafoe profile image

      charlie 4 weeks ago from From Kingdom of God living on Planet earth. between the oceans

      Unfortunately this is not always possible.

      being a true brother or sister can be painful as Jesus said there will be hatred against the Word of God at times, and the messenger gets the blame many times when loving someone enough to tell them the truth..

      Those that are truly prophetic cannot worry about whether people like them or not. BUT they must be careful their attitude and words are truly the words given by the Spirit, no more no less.

    • ChitrangadaSharan profile image

      Chitrangada Sharan 4 months ago from New Delhi, India

      Interesting and very helpful suggestions!

      Yes it requires a little effort to make people interested in you and enjoy your company.

      Thanks for sharing the useful suggestions and guidance!