- Gender and Relationships»
- Dating & Online Dating»
- Online Dating
Plenty of Fish Online Dating - Tips for Guys
The Plenty of Fish Profile
My advice about the Plenty of Fish Profile is pretty simple.
- Pictures. You need pictures. If you haven't uploaded even one picture, I'm going to assume that there is something hideously wrong with your appearance or your personality and move on. To help you understand, let's put this in a real world perspective. If you walk up to me in a public place with a ski mask over your head, I'm going to think you are there to rob me and run away or beat the crap out of you. Not really the way to pick up a date. Remove the ski mask and upload a picture.
- Good pictures. Ok, so you've jumped the uploading hurdle of at least posting one picture to your Plenty of Fish profile. Let see if we can improve on that. Do - Post one head shot and one full body shot. Not naked. It doesn't even need to be shirtless. Fully clothed is fine and probably even preferable. If you want to take it a step further, do post a picture of you doing one of your favorite things. For example, I've seen pictures of people hiking, fishing, riding a motorcycle and playing guitar. A picture can say a lot about your personality and interests, really really fast. Don't - Don't post pictures of you with your naked or half naked children. Please dress them first. Don't post pictures of you with your ex. Don't post pictures of you pretending to do something you've never actually done. Don't post pictures of empty natural places. This last one might surprise you. The picture might be beautiful and you are probably trying to say something like "I like long romantic walks." But what I think, and maybe this is just me, is "This is where I dump my bodies." I'm sorry, maybe I'm just morbid, but this actually happened. I saw picture of a long trail leading into the woods with no caption to explain why the picture was there and that was the first thing that came to mind.
- Talk about yourself. I know we all hate trying to figure out how to put the sum total of our human condition into a nice neat little box. It never really works, but you have to try. Something, anything, helps to convey who you are, what you want, and why I should spend my time on you. If you're a boring person and what comes across is boring, that's ok. It's authentic and honest. No matter what you write, as long as you aren't pretending, it's good because it's you. No one wants to get something other than what they are expecting. Be real. What you say and how you say it, speaks volumes. Spelling, grammar and punctuation count - at least it does if you want a girl with brains in her head that also knows how to write, spell and punctuate. It is ok to end your profile with "if you have any questions, ask me". It is not ok for the entire profile to contain nothing but "ask me". I don't want to waste my time asking you what you're into. That is the point of the profile, to allow someone to determine if you have *anything* in common to start with. If no one is bothering to "ask you", well, now you know why - tell us something, if we like it, we'll ask for more. If that isn't enough reason for you to take the time to fill in your profile, then here is another. POF makes matches for your potential date based on the number of interests the two of you have in common. If you don't fill in any interests in the interests box, then you will not be showing up at the top of the list for potential dates. If you want to be found, you need to talk about yourself.
Communicating with People on Plenty of Fish
Let’s start with the "I want to meet you" button. My first impression of this button was a literal interpretation of people wanting to "meet" in person. I thought this to be really odd, so I looked it up in the Plenty of Fish help files. Apparently this is the lazy man's way of passing a note in class saying "I like you. Do you like me?" I suppose it might be efficient, but if you're truly interested in me, take the time to write me a message. Even something as simple as "Hi. How are you?" is, while not amazing, better.
And, that brings me to messages. My Plenty of Fish dating inbox has received a few. I'd say about 1/2 have been pleasant and respectful. Those have ranged from the simplistic "Hi. How are you?" to more involved introductions including "gifts" and pictures. To those men who have taken the time to write me a genuine message, thank you. Even if I'm not interested in you, I respect and appreciate the time and effort you put forth, keep up the good work. To those of you on Plenty of Fish who fell short, I have some advice.
- Match the message to the profile. There are people in the online dating world looking for a casual hook up. If you are both consenting adults, than I say more power to you. But if you are that type, don't message someone who is looking for a relationship with "Hi Sexy." It's off putting and rude. Even if you want to take the chance that a person who is looking for a relationship might be interested in something more casual in between, ask politely.
- Make a good first impression. If on the other hand, you are looking for a serious relationship and message someone else looking for a serious relationship with "Hi sexy." It is off-putting, lazy, rude and a crappy way to start a serious relationship. Could you imagine telling your grandkids, "Oh, it was so romantic, grandpa and I met on the Plenty of Fish dating site when he messaged me "Hi sexy"? I'm flattered if you think I'm attractive, but to me, a real relationship is so much more than that and I want a man with feeling in his heart and brains in head. So show me what you've got. Make a good first impression, even if you're tired of typing and you've been trying to make good first impressions for two years now. You never know, I might be the one and you don't want to blow it.
- Don't be overly familiar. If I have never even talked to you, let alone, met you, don't send me a "gift". I understand these "gifts" are nothing more than a picture on the internet, but it's the intent that is presumptuous. Would you walk up to a complete stranger on the street and give them a teddy bear when you said Hi? No. So don't do it online either. It's weird.
- Don't use terms of endearment in the first message. Along the same vein as sending a gift to someone the first time you talk to them, is using terms of endearment such as dear, honey, and princess. Terms of endearment are for showing affection and intimacy to someone you know well and care about. People who use them right away are fake and creepy. I'm not your dear. I'm not your princess. In fact, I'm not anyone's princess and never will be, I'm just not the princess type, but you don't know me, so you wouldn't know that. Put another way, in the real world, this is equivalent to walking up to talk to a stranger and standing 4 inches away from their face while you introduce yourself.
- Two Message Maximum. Send someone a message. Wait a few days. If you don't get an answer, it's ok to send a second message. If you still don't get a message, then assume the person isn't interested and move on. It would be polite if they messaged you back, but the reality is, a lot of people won't. Harrassing them really won't help your case.
Driving Up Traffic
If it seems that no one is even looking at your Plenty of Fish profile, let alone messaging you, then these tips are for you:
- Change your main picture. Try a variety of different pictures. Maybe the one you had just wasn't that great.
- Log on at least once a day. There are some search results that will put you at the top of the list because you logged on most recently.
- Message people. You can't just expect every woman to message you first. Some are shy. In addition, there are tons of people on Plenty of Fish and you won't always appear on the first page or two. If you are on page 30, do you really want to hear from the girl who had time to find you?
- Respond to messages. Even if it is a simple, "I'm sorry. I'm not interested." There are search results that will put you on top because you are more likely to respond to a message.
- Look at Profiles. There are also listing pages where women can see who has looked at their profile. It's another way to put your face in front of someone.
Thoughts About First Dates Outside Plenty of Fish
Before I get into the first date, I have to say this, because I've encountered it, more than once. If you don't actually have time in your schedule to meet someone, why are you on Plenty of Fish?
When you are ready to venture outside of Plenty of Fish and into the real world, it is time for the first date. There are not any hard and fast rules about what makes a good first date but I have few ideas for you to consider.
- Safety first. Pick a public, well lit location. It will make both of you feel more at ease.
- Allow for communication. Activities and locations that promote talking are a good choice. You really cannot get to know someone while watching a movie or play, for example. This why dinner & a movie are the cliché. Dinner gives you time to talk and the movie takes the pressure off to continue to talk. An overcrowded bar with music blaring is another example that might seem like a good idea at first, but really doesn't allow you to get to know each other.
- Work in some distraction. If you pick an activity such as shooting pool, bowling, fishing, hiking, the activity gives you something to focus on and do but also allows for conversation.
- Something fun for one. Ok, I hate to bring this one up, but let's face reality. Sometimes, you might be stood up. It's immensely rude, but it happens. If you pick an activity that you can still do and enjoy by yourself, you won't feel like the time was a total waste.
Favorite Bad Lines
I am hoping this list of some the amazingly bad things people say on Plenty of Fish might give guys a better idea of what not say.
- "Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood." - wow, is that sort of like children are meant to be seen and not heard? While yes I'd like to be loved, I also want to be understood. I'm not a trophy or a pet, to be dotted on and shown off. I'm intelligent and I want a friend whose company and conversation I can enjoy.
- ":) :) :) :)" - got this one in a message to my inbox. You can smile at someone in a bar, then walk over and start talking to them. It doesn't really translate to the digital world very well. Am I supposed to smile back before you'll talk to me??
- "I have found the one" - this was the headline to a profile. My question is if you've found the one, why are you here?
- "Better step up if want xmas presents" - Ok, this isn't horrible, if you are a materialistic person looking for a like minded individual. Just know, that it's a turn off to those who are not materialistic. Personally, you can't buy my love and I don't want you to try.
There are Plenty of Fish in the Sea
Well, for 12 hours on the site, I think this is a pretty good start. As time goes on, I'll probably come back and add to this article. Love is a beautiful thing, so good luck to you. I hope you find it.