Domestic Violence against Men

A Social Disease called Domestic Violence

We all come across a very common disease in our society called ‘domestic violence’. This violence includes a wide range of people within a family, but in this article, it is the violence between the married couples which is into consideration. With each passing day it is increasing in many folds. In India domestic violence among the married couples has made a deep rooted hole. It is literally a menace. It won’t be right to put it in general that all the families are facing this disease but still the average of domestic violence case is quite high in India. May be somewhere in India it is less and somewhere considerably very high in number.

In some states, such as Bihar, Uttar Pradesh, Madhya Pradesh and some other northern states, domestic violence is always at rise. Even the various survey reports say that around 70% of married woman between the ages of 15 to 49 faces domestic violence in India. Those who undergo this menace suffers an extreme pain mentally and physically both. Domestic violence is pathetic and the victim dies a regular death but sometimes in case of extreme violence death turns out to be the net result. The reasons behind this menace are quite a lot and needs to be addressed but not today. Today, I would like to address an ignored or a disguised angle of domestic violence. This kind of domestic violence is gradually increasing in the society so I felt there is a great need to create awareness against such domestic violence.

Males undergoing Domestic Violence

The point I am interested to raise about domestic violence does not usually receive a great understanding and sympathetic hearing. General people simply turn deaf ears to such a situation. Only the near and dear ones who observe it very closely understand the suffering and the pain one undergoes during the domestic violence. Here, I would like to present the state of the male counter part as the victim of a domestic violence.

Actually, the word ‘domestic violence’ is made to be synonymous with the sufferings of a married woman. It echoes the sentiment of a female but unfortunately a male is also suffering due to this menace. You readers must be feeling surprised that when the society is talking about the sufferings of a woman due to domestic violence I am presenting the other side of the coin and that too being a woman myself. You may not feel convinced but I assure you there are many cases where the sufferer is the man. It is very easy to assume that a woman is the victim because a female is considered to be weaker. A male is known for their strong physical power so it is always a question that how could a man be the victim of a domestic violence.

The worst part is, a domestic violence against men usually go unnoticed because men refrain from reporting it to the civil custodians. The truth cannot be denied and it is a fact that married males are also becoming victims of domestic violence – a menace. Definitely the number is quite less than the number of married woman undergoing this menace. Though it is less in comparison to the cases against woman but the alarming fact is that the average is increasing very rapidly. Especially, in the urban area a woman is taking the advantage of her education. Presently, many women use their education and knowledge only for their own benefit and forsake the priorities of a family. Married life works best on love and understanding and not on benefits and calculations. Thus, if any spouse is calculative then that married couple is bound to be unhappy and has full of problems. This includes the males too and that is why recently the married men (the sufferers) gathered in two northern cities of India, Chandigarh and Shimla, to raise their voice against domestic violence.

Though, men are physically strong still they too become victim of domestic violence and the reasons behind this are:

No Backbone – Some men are extremely backbone less. They fail to put forward their opinion and succumb to the pressure created by their wives in the family affairs. With the passage of time the woman of the house becomes so powerful that sometimes they do not even hesitate to use their controlling power in the form of force and abuse.

Conceals Pain – The man of the house usually avoids to share their problems and difficulties. Woman very often shares their marital discord with somebody if not all but men simply try to hide it. Thus, the wife takes the advantage of this wrapped discord and gives her own color to it. The woman for her own benefit adds a new dimension to all the ill happenings and presents herself as the poor soul to the society.

Solemn Vow – Men who consider marriage as a solemn vow they literally love their spouse and try to fulfill their responsibilities with utmost sincerity. The prevailing of good sense also becomes a cause of suffering if the spouse is disregarding towards marriage. Many females are opting marriage as a base of security and have no connection with love and responsibility.

Dutiful towards Parents – Those men who are really very responsible and dutiful they tend to perform their duties towards their parents very sincerely. Just imagine! Love for parents also becomes a reason for domestic violence. Lots of married woman are so cheap and mean that they consider themselves to be the only responsibility of their spouse. On the contrary, they are taking care of their own parents and their spouse willingly shares it but the women are not ready to share anything with their parents-in-law. At one point, the relationship crumbles down. If the man surrenders then he cuts off his relationship with his parents but if he stands firm then the marriage usually breaks. Well, sometimes it is the other way round that the woman accepts the in-laws but with a negative attitude. Her behavior expresses it all in the absence of the spouse but when she gets exposed in front of her spouse then it becomes a hell of a situation. It puts the marriage into a dock.

Effect of Modernization – Generalizing the urbanization to be a cause of domestic violence is not justified because rural woman are also responsible for the violence against man. In the rural areas property and lack of compatibility are the causes of domestic violence but education has caused a dreadful suffering for the married males in this urban society. Educated and urban women have become very manipulative. They simply want things according to their choice and benefit. They convert lie into truth and vice versa. In this way the education plays a negative role and life of a man gets ruined.

In-laws and their interference – If, there is violence and dissatisfaction in a marriage, then, one major cause is the interference of the in- laws. The normal fact is that maximum wife is not ready to accept the interference of her in-laws but wants her husband to accept the interference of his in-laws in his own family. The woman wants the man to follow the way which his in-laws show him. Usually, the trouble starts when the husband disagrees to follow his in-laws' ways. The wife generally creates a nuisance out of this and a trouble in the family starts growing up.

There are many other reasons such as disparity between the incomes of the working couple, greed for property, lack of selfless love and many more. It is usually noticed that the domestic violence against a man is very much abusive and emotionally tortured one. In many cases the woman become so shameless that though she is dependent upon him and enjoying all the privileges due to him but even then serves him food in a third grade manner or offers something awful. It is a fact that women are physically weak and so usually the men overpower the women in physical strength. Therefore, there is no proof which a husband can use to report against his wife. Even, there are such instances too where somehow the wife outplays the husband in strength and hurt physically. Still, the husband refuses to report because of their children. They avoid it only to give their children a hassle free life. I personally witnessed many such cases which simply horrified me. Some husbands want to protect the name and respect of the family and thus deliberately keep the matter unreported and unnoticed.

Total Loss

These gestures take a lot of toll upon a man. If a person does not receive mental and emotional happiness after coming back home from a hectic schedule then it gradually breaks the person. So, be it a man who is known to be physically strong also suffers in such a situation. Some give up after an effort to manage the show and allows to continue it as it is, some at last revolt vehemently, some simply breaks and comes out of the sickening relationship, some carry on with it for the sake of it and even some opt for suicide while some develop life threatening disease due to lack of peace.

In today’s world these type of situations are not in a negligible number. There is a need to understand and give a patient hearing to it. If it is ignored now then one day it will also become as big as a problem of domestic violence against woman. Life is precious so we have no right to ruin man's life because of ignorance. It is really appreciable when a domestic violence case against a woman is taken up very strongly and so do the violence against man deserves to be dealt with. Let this awareness develop in every individual. May we be able to curb the domestic violence against married men along with the steps taken to curb violence against the married woman. This hub is a call to all the married men to show their satisfaction and report against domestic violence. May the life be happy and peaceful!