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Relationship communication style...what is yours?

Updated on October 17, 2017

Is good communication important, and what defines as good relationship communication?

Nearly all of us consider ourselves as being good communicators, but sadly that is not always the case. With a digital age of "screen communication" through Facebook, Snapchat, Whatsapp and the likes we have lost the art of good old fashioned communication skills and often don't apply the same manners we would use in face to face communication. But why?

Let's start with internet dating, yes, most of us have tried internet dating and know the frustration that can arise out of wink or messaging that all of a sudden stops, and you have no idea why. Of course it's obvious the person does not want to communicate, but usually this is only realized after some soul searching or worse still, wasting time thinking the person just hasn't somehow got around to replying. This is extremely poor communication. I'm not suggesting if you send an initial wink and it's ignored, the recipient is a poor communicator due to not responding. It's when two people are communicating, have exchanged a few messages and on the surface it's going well, for either side to halt communication without any explanation.

The person you're communicating with doesn't all of a sudden materialize into someone with less feelings or not be worth the most basic common decency of good manners. The virtual world we have become accustomed to has meant because we're behind a screen it's easier to right people off - to ignore them and in doing so, we gradually erode our own perception of what good communication is, especially in relationships.

You've been messaging for a while, you then change your mind, what do YOU do?

How you communicate whether it be by text, email or face to face, forms a picture of you as a person. It shows whether you have considered the other person feelings and how they may read your actions. Good dating manners is a pre-cursor to good relationship material, as no one should ever think it's ok to vanish without explanation, and as yet, I've never witnessed anyone who does this virtually not to continue this behavior in the real world, as it becomes a pattern.

Have you ever done this, if so, why, did you find it difficult to say why you changed your mind, did you think it was kinder, or did you think, I've never met this person so it doesn't matter. Your answer can reveal a lot. As a coach I try to get people to explore their own reasons for taking certain actions and what a different approach might bring about.

Do you respond when someone say's hello to you if walking down the street or at work? If someone invites you out for drinks in person, do you ignore their question or do you answer? All this forms our relationship style over the years and what we are likely to do when actually in a relationship. Those who avoid anything that means they need to deal with answering or dealing with a situation that could make both sides a little uncomfortble, are more prone to do this long term - and relationships need two people who can discuss and say things sometimes that may be a bit uncomfortable but will lead to more honest communication opposed to frustration by one side of the partnership as one always walks away and does not communicate.

TEXT messaging is a major part of 21st century communication, but it has no real part to play

Emails/Texts: What is your average response time to emails and texts to friends or someone you may be dating or thinking of dating? Don't play games if you're seriously wanting a relationship, any emotionally mature man or woman will see through this and be put off by playground tactics.

Always think about how you would or have felt if someone ignores you - or misleads you into thinking the situation is different to how they see it. Actions and words must always follow if you want to be seen as a person who can be trusted and has integrity, not to mention good a good communication style.

Communication - the human connection - is the key to personal and career success.

— Paul J Meyer


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