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Relationships: The Reason Why Men Don't Bend Over Backwards to Please Women...

Updated on September 12, 2011

Recently I stumbled onto an article titled "What men need to know about what women want." In the blog the female writer discusses the differences between articles featured in (women’s magazines) as opposed to those in (men’s magazines). She observed there were thousands of articles written for women geared towards giving them an insight to men, attracting them, getting them to commit, hidden meanings to what he says or doesn’t say.

On the other hand she found few articles written for men offering insight into women.

She pondered the question: Does society make women seem needy when it comes to men? The question was supported by the various articles written for women to find a man, please a man, and make a man happy. In her view there is less emphasis made to get the word out to men about what they should know and figure out about women.

Society & The Double Standard

Before I address this issue I want to make it perfectly clear that what I’m about to share with you is merely my observation. Nor would I say all men and women think this way.

The definition of a "double standard" is BOTH sexes agree on something. When we say "society" portrays women a certain way it means both sexes are in agreement. One very common example of this is how we/society think of a woman who has had several sex partners versus what we think of a man who has done the same. Women look down on the woman and men look down on her. (Double Standard) When it comes to the man: Women look down on him and men admire him. (Single Standard).

It makes you wonder what would happen if women stuck together and didn’t look down on the woman who had several sex partners. I discussed this in more detail in my hub: “A woman asks: Is there anything wrong with just wanting to get laid?” A double standard can only exists if both sexes feel the same way about something.

Another example of the double standard is domestic violence.

We as a society frown upon men who hit women while winking or laughing when a woman hits a man. When I wrote the article, “Is it ok for a woman to hit a man?” There were women that said "yes": (If he deserves it, if he’s cheating, if he says something that offends her….etc)

By contrast we say, “A man should NEVER lay his hands on a woman in a violent way.” Both sexes agree with this one and therefore it’s a (Double Standard)

Tradition & Gender Grooming

Little girls are encouraged to dream of being "princesses" when they grow up.The closest thing to that in America is being (the bride) on her wedding day. They’re also given toys such as baby dolls to act as mothers or Easy Bake Ovens to make cakes and pies, as well as other dolls to dress up, use makeup, comb hair, and so forth. The emphasis is on “looking good” and “nurturing”.

Little boys on the other hand dream of careers as cops, firemen, construction workers, doctors, military officers, or magicians. When they aren't pretending to be "working" then they are "driving" using remote cars, trucks, and planes...etc (No little boy is dreaming of being “the groom" or raising kids!) The emphasis is on “financial security” and “taking charge”.

Subconsciously when children grow up the majority will want to fulfill their childhood fantasy on some level.Things are the way they are because that is how the majority of us want it. I don't see mothers in the near future buying (their sons) baby dolls and baking ovens to play with nor do I see fathers giving their daughters guns, or remote helicopters to fly.As long as we desire for boys and girls to “behave differently” from one another it is unrealistic to expect them to have the same interest, think, talk, and feel the same way about life in general.

People read articles or purchase books on subjects that interest them.

The reason why there are so few articles written for men to learn how to please women, get a girlfriend to commit, or make women happy is because most men don’t consider it to be a “ top priority”.

Magazine and book publishers publish what they do because they believe it will sell. The reason why there are so many books and articles on relationships geared towards women is because women buy and read them! There is no “hidden agenda” or “conspiracy" on the part of publishers or society. People go into business to make money! If women didn't read or buy this material it would not be published.

Do Men Care About What Women Think?

Men are more interested in winning the admiration and respect of (other men.)

Women tend to be attracted to the man who commands the respect of other men.

A man believes if (other men) “worship/admire” him he’ll have his choice of women! In the minds of many men women are the equivalent of “perks” or the “gravy” that comes with success. Men are more likely to buy a “How to get rich book” than a “How to be happily married book.”

The One Exception

Although men don’t feel the "need" to study female behavior or gain understanding to “attract women” there are times when they are willing to try harder. The majority of men don't start to think about ways to "please women or make them happy" until they see (the woman they’re in love with) is unhappy in the relationship.

A woman has to win a man’s heart in order to gain his “mind share”.

Men and women are always going to view the world differently. There is room to debate whether it's because of how we as society raise them or if it is coded in their DNA. One thing is for certain frustration and disappointment are likely to occur when a woman expects a man to think like she does or vice versa.

“Find the person who will love you because of your differences and not in spite of them and you have found a lover for life.” ~ Leo Buscaglia

Understanding & Appreciating Differences Between The Sexes


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