Sex and The Single Woman Over Forty

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I know it sounds a little Candace Bushnell aka Carrie Bradshaw like, but this column is just me, a newly single woman over forty and starting over. And, believe me my female compadres, friends and kindred spirits....it is definitely a new world out there on the dating scene. Take it from a woman who has been married twice for almost half of her adult life, it is scary, very tough and not like when we were younger and first dating....Therefore, I have a lot to say and I want your feedback, I need your feedback. Hopefully, together, we can navigate these "shark infested" waters together......

Sex and the Single Woman Over Forty

As women, why do we seem to choose the wrong men? The men that treat us badly, disappoint us and eventually break our hearts? Are we gluttons for punishment? Are we so use to being treated badly that we can't see the forest for the trees? And, when a good man does show up on our doorstep, on time and with flowers, do we, instead of taking it as a gesture of days past when chivalry was the rule rather than the exception, question his intentions?

Have we been so programmed by our past relationships that even when we finally do find a nice guy, we somehow still expect the "other shoe to drop" at any moment? And, why, when he continues to treat us kindly, do we eventually lose interest?

So, the question is....Why can't a normal, intelligent woman fall in love with a nice guy?

Perhaps it has nothing to do with whether the guy treats us good, is kind, attentive and is always there for us. Perhaps the real question is, "do we only want the men that ultimately don't want us"????? If this is true then, is it really only all about the chase???? If it is really only abut the chase then, does it apply to men as well as women???? Think about that for the moment and it becomes seriously mind boggling. Let's just say you are crazy about Bill and Bill is just okay with you because secretly he is head over heels for Lynda. So, he treats you badly, doesn't return your texts, e-mails or phone calls which only makes you want him more!!! On the other hand, he is bombarding Lynda with calls, texts, e-mails and flowers!!! Which in turn, makes him a "nice guy", to Lynda. But, Lynda is secretly in love with Barry who basically only calls her when he wants sex but otherwise ignores her and yet, Lynda is "mad" for Barry. If this equation or theory is true then think of the enormity of this situation? It is a wonder then that men and women ever get together!!!! Do we just eventually "wave the white flag", "throw in the towel" and just settle for less??? Does this mean we are marrying or living with someone we are not "mad, crazy, over the moon, can't see straight in love with"? It is just too much work, pressure or heartache to find "that one special person that we just can't live without"? Did we decide that that kind of love just doesn't exist for us or worse, doesn't exist at all????? And so, after an exhausting six months, two years, or five years where we gave it our best shot, and perhaps the best years of our lives, do we consciously decide to settle for less or does it just happen while we are down and defeated, just a quiet, subtle shift in our attitudes as we eventually decide it is okay to settle for less than that "fireworks, light up the night" feeling when you see the one you can't live without walk into a room? When do we give up our dream of Prince Charming and replace him with his not so charming, handsome or sexy cousin Dexter or, if you are a man, Matilda? And, questionable above all else is, "will these relationships last"?!