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Sex and infidelity

Updated on March 18, 2010

Sex is not the only form of cheating

Infidelity doesn’t have to be exclusively sex. Infidelity can come in many forms and take on several meanings in a relationship. Though many people view sex as the main form of cheating, though it can be the most hurtful form it sometimes can be the most innocent.

Sex often is a, stand alone act and not indicative of a bad relationship. People often seek sexual attention from outside sources for a variety of reasons, but usually not to find a new relationship. Many people with sex addition will seek out sex partners just for the rush. They speak of the anticipation of sex with someone more exciting than the act itself. They tend to compartmentalize the act away from any form of intimacy. For this reason, sex may not be a sign of infidelity, but a deep seated desire to find lost excitement in their lives relating back to years of stability. The daily grind of work, family and structure has left them with an empty filling in their mental makeup that they are missing something and this new found excitement continues until they are caught.

Once caught, the addict may admit remorse, but unless they seek help they will revert back to this behavior once the guilt subsides. They may be able to salvage their relationship on a temporary basis, but trust is lost and once that happens, things are never the same.

Then there are the other forms of infidelity. There is form of cheating that doesn’t involve sex, emotional involvement. Some people seek out others for what they call a “friend to talk to”. This can be worst than a sexual relationship on many levels. Their bond to their current relationship tends to be strained because of a lack of communication. They tend to draw back from their partner in certain situations because they feel like cannot express their true feeling for fear of ridicule. This tend to happen in a relationship that one extreme dominate personality and one submissive personality. The submissive person fears the partner on so many levels that they tend seek out support from other sources. This support often comes in the way of a new partner. The partners they seek out are often times a strong, but not dominate personality. They seek out time to spend with each other on a casual basis, but the fear of retribution of the spouse prevents sex from occurring. Though, sometimes sex can become a part of this type of relationship, it is often after the existing one is irrevocably broken.  Many people will hold on to their existing relationship for several reasons, even though they are extremely unhappy. This is not an exclusively male or female phenomenon. They will stay in the relationship and say it’s for the kids, or some other excuse founded in fear. Weather it the fear that will have to spend time alone, change their lifestyle or hear ridicule from friends and family. They will use these confidants as sounding board to excuse the real issue of being unhappy.

As you see, sex and infidelity are not mutually exclusive.  So if you and your spouse are having trouble, please seek professional counseling. A good counselor can work you through together some of the problems that you are having. Remember, be honest with yourself, if you start there you will have a head start on dealing with your relationship. Sometimes, and outside voice is all you need to find a small problem that seems like big one, the one that you keep buried inside.  Please, not all relationships end in divorce and many couples have made it through some hard times together. It can be done.

Which is worse?

is just sex worse that having an involved relationship

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    • Jaynie2000 profile image

      Jaynie2000 7 years ago

      You're right about the emotional connection being sometimes more threatening than a sexual one. Most people forget that. Anyone can give their body to another person and it doesn't have to mean much, except that you've exercised bad judgment. If you give your heart to another person, it is impossible to get it back in its entirety. If my partner were to cheat I would much rather it be a physical affair than an emotional one. Once you fall in love with another person, your life and relationship will never be the same. You can repair it, but it is irrevocably altered.

    • Deborah Demander profile image

      Deborah Demander 8 years ago from First Wyoming, then THE WORLD

      Great points. Sex and infidelity are definitely not the same. Thanks for writing.