- Gender and Relationships»
Sex after Married
Sex plays an important part in any relationship and a good relationships often relies on good sex. But, sex should never be the only thing holding the relationship together. The influence of the promise of sex can be overwhelming for some people, even to the point of being unhealthy for one’s personal well being. And along this same thought, having a lack of interest in sex can be unhealthy for a relationship.
Let’s examine some of the most common misconceptions associated with sex and marriage.
One of the biggest on my list is that; sex stops after marriage. You hear it from your friends before the wedding, “your sex life is over now” or “sex will be just a memory”.
These saying are designed to instill hesitation in your mind about the whole relationship. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe sex will be better? In stable relationships often as people learn more and more about each other, the more comfortable they become with each other. This, in turn, leads to finding out about each others likes and dislikes when it comes to sex. Also, as a relationship grows, honesty about each feels about sex become more apparent. The dating sex game disappears rather quickly once you spend a few months living together.
Next on my list is “after a few years with the same person sex gets boring”. This doesn’t have be the case. I have talked several couples that have found ways to keep sex great even after twenty years of being together. One of the most common factors that I have found is that they have isolated that part of the relationship. In other words, no matter what else the relationship has endured, work stress, children and financial problems get left at the bedroom door. They have also tried to keep things interesting, like date nights and surprise meetings. There seems to be something said for anticipation. On date night for example: talking about what’s going to happen when you get home, the night out seems to last longer when you are looking forward to the conclusion.
As you can see married sex can be more fulfilling than the dating scene and the excitement can remain long after the honeymoon. If you are having problems in your married sex life, maybe you should try a few of the things that I mentioned above.
There is one more thing that I would like to mention. If you are in an open relationship, as some people call it, I suggest trying to examine the rest of your relationship. Sure, there are a lot of people that say having variety in their sex partners makes sex with their spouse more exciting. There may be a more underlying problem in their relationship. There may a feeling of being neglected by one or both people. The need for the companionship of others often times is really a search for intimacy they don’t get at home. Sex becomes a vehicle for finding comfort in more ways than just sex. There can be missing pieces in their relationship and rather than confront the truth, they just accept the idea that it’s better this way. The fear of facing truth that they are really unhappy can be more painful than the thought of a spouse having sex with a total stranger. People tend to ignore this fear and when the relationship finally falls apart they blame it on one of the partners paying too much attention to an outside party. When really it is the fact they failed to pay attention to each other’s problems to begin with.
I know that you young single people out there that are reading this are probably wondering about age and sex. Don’t worry; your parents are probably having as much sex as you are. Sex, as with most things is mostly mental. When you have had the same partner for 20 years, you have aged together and you don’t see yourself the way others do. When your relationship is strong enough to survive through the years, sex has been a big part of it. Yes, the drugs that they sell now may have help to revive a stronger sex life for some, but the will and the want has always been there. The little blue pill can’t make you love someone, but it may help show that you still do.
In closing, there are a lot of factors to a healthy relationship and sex is a part of it. The main thing is to always be friends, this way you will always have a friend with benefits.
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