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Sexting - An Art Form

Updated on April 20, 2020
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Looks are overrated. Desires are underrated. Sexuality is overrated. Sensuality is underrated.

Sexting is a bit like telling a story, except that there are two authors who weave it together in a moment of deep personal intimacy and togetherness. Much like other forms of art, inspiration, creativity, patience, attention to detail and understanding the nuances of the medium are all important for the work of art to come together. Here are some helpful pointers to improve your sexting skills.

The importance of feeling desired

Sexting weaves together reality and fantasy. One of the key factors to making it pleasurable is to feel desired. It helps to find a partner who likes your body as much as your mind. We come in all shapes and sizes and it helps invest time in finding someone who finds your body type desirable. It also helps to be honest about sizes and shapes. It is worth remembering that it is important to feel desired for who you are. Exaggerating or misrepresenting facts in an attempt to make yourself sound more desirable might possibly help in the short run but in the long run it does not help achieve the important objective of feeling desired. When you are desired for who you are in reality, you find genuine pleasure and fulfillment. Choice of clothes is also usually a much neglected topic but investing time in a detailed understanding what kind of clothes the other person likes goes a long way in helping fantasize. For example, an ankle length dress sets a mood that is quite different from what a shorter dress sets. Texture matters too. Light cottons help when fantasies drift to tropical beaches while satin or silk helps when the setting is a bit more intimate.

Restrain and patience helps deepen the experience

While honesty about shapes and sizes is important it helps to remember that it is a journey that goes from being restrained and perhaps even a bit shy to eventually allowing desires to overpower your restrain and turning shameless. In other words, not all information ought to be given away at the beginning of a conversation. For example, it might be sufficient for the lady to let it be known that she is curvy at an appropriate moment in the conversation, without spilling out her personal measurements. Gently mixing a bit of self deprecating humor also helps take the edge off during the initial phase of the conversation when personal details are traded. There is usually some point in the conversation when it gets edgy and tense when it becomes imperative to express some of what one is feeling for the other. It still helps to remain suggestive to prolong the suspense. For example, a sentence such as "I would be lying if I said I don't find you attractive" conveys a struggle to remain restrained even as tensions build up. On the other hand saying something like "I want to rip your clothes apart" or "I would do anything to get atop you" brings the edge out into the open but cuts short the ride. Prolonging the ride is key to a deeper and more fulfilling experience. It also helps keep references a bit indirect. For example, "behind" works better than "butt".

The power of secrets

Sharing an intimate detail or a secret desire greatly helps in enhancing the pleasure while also making the connection feel more real and personal since it builds a bit of trust. When you do so, do let your partner know that you are sharing something personal and intimate. And when your partner shares an intimate detail or a secret desire, acknowledge the trust your partner has placed in you.

Explore virtually

Although there is no physical or visual contact, words can be surprisingly powerful in helping explore each other physically. Detailed descriptions can help paint a deeply arousing mental picture of each others' fantasies. Even something as simple as paying attention to your partner's toes can be made fulfilling with sufficient level of detail. For example, you could touch upon details like the colour of the nail paint,the curling of toes, the kind of attention you are paying which could range from visual admiration to feeling to kissing. It helps remember what is exposed and what is hidden based on the choice of clothes worn in the fantasy. Undressing can be made into a slow and elaborate exercise by describing the scene in detail as each piece of clothing is shed.


Another useful place to get into detail is when describing kisses. A kiss could range from a dry peck that is deposited with dry pursed lips that can be barely felt to something more fulsome involving saliva. Describing sensations of warmth and coolness sometimes adds delightful detail. For example, fresh saliva on skin feels warm at the time of a kiss but quickly cools down after the kiss.

In summary, creating a connection is key

Even if you are partners in real life sexting can greatly help improve your love life since it relies solely on a mental and emotional connection to provide fulfillment. Often partners discover things about each other that they never knew before they started sexting. Remember that the most fulfilling sexting happens when you manage to establish a real personal connection with your partner over text.

Staying safe

Sexting is an intimate activity that often involves exchange of semi-nude or nude pictures and videos. When you do so, remember that what you share could end up getting misused. It is common for nude pictures to be forwarded among friend or worse still, misused in pornographic websites. Pictures and videos could also be used to blackmail the sender. It is important to be aware of these risks. Avoid exposing your face in pictures that you share. Where possible, delete pictures if the messaging service allows you to. Consider seeking professional advice or help if you find yourself a victim.

Also it is important to remember that, much like real life intimacy, consent is key, even online. Consent is essential even to send a picture or an intimate message.

Happy sexting!

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